Why does my partner do these things?

[Anonymous]

So I've noticed that my partner will lie to blame me for things, like his cup has accidentally broken so he's fabricated some story to blame me for the cup. I went to work and left my empty OLD work bag on the side so he rang me off a private number and sent me loads of abuse and accused me of not being at work. I was ill with a migraine but he still continued hoovering around me yet when others were around acted perfectly caring of my needs. He has an issue systematically with every person who is close to me and regularly calls me stupid. He likes everything to be JUST ME AND HIM. He lies saying I was online or I blocked him when I know I definitely didn't. He implies he will turn up to my workplace one day at random to see where I am. I can't understand his behaviour, it doesn't seem normal to me?

[quaranta]

"It doesn't seem normal"... Of course it's not normal, this person has severe issues with a number of aspects of his psychology. He is overcontrolling, manipulative, possessive, invasive as hell, gaslights you, uses you as a puppet to punch to vomit his frustration away, rips your boundaries away by giving you responsibilities for his mistakes, etc. That is, very severely, messed up. Most likely, he would get diagnosed with something severe around the narcissistic spectrum. But that is "his" problem, to an extent.
Focusing on the relationship only, what you have here is not exactly a relationship because it's not based on the minimum foundations a relationship is typically built on: mutual trust. He doesn't trust you to the least, and as a result, you can't trust him as well, because you perfectly know he will lie, manipulate and gaslight you. You know by facts he doesn't have good intentions. Further, besides missing minimum requirements, this relationship doesn't give you what relationships are made for: safety, relax, complicity, stability, alliance, familiarity, sharing, love, respect, care. With a partner like this you probably feel continuously tense, anxious, afraid, hesitant, confused, discouraged, guilty, stressed, humiliated. Was this how a relationship should be, when you were dreaming about love, when younger? Did you specifically dream about:"I want a boyfriend who makes me feel afraid, tense, stressed, controlled, who I can't trust at all"? Would you wish this sort of experience to another woman you care about? Would you wish babies to get a father like this man? No, of course.
Reason about these things because I think you need a reality check if you are still tolerating all this heavy psychological abuse, probably you are addicted or so manipulated you didn't even realize how deeply you lowered any human standards about your partner and about what you deserve.
Also, mind this and stick it to your mind: he will not change. Many women who keep being trapped in these situations keep hoping he will change. "This time, he will do better". "This time, I will do better and he won't overreact", etc. Bollocks. I can tell for sure he won't change because you are 30-35 so I assume he is around your age or older, that means he is not going to change anymore and anyway I don't think he could to a significant degree even with active willpower and therapy, because the issues he has are quite severe, rooted. Usually people like this won't change for their entire life. So, absolutely convince yourself that the experience you are getting now, the man he is now, is what you will keep getting for at least the next 10 years if you choose to continue under the "hope" he will get better, or this hypothetical perspective of what it "could be".
Mind the now only, not the "could be", focus on doing a lot of reality check in the present, and remember there is no chance he will change. If you will find the right motivation, prepare for breaking up with the help of others who can support you and who can protect you (if you breakup he will most likely get mad, threaten you, and try to get you back with love bombing, which will anyway prove to be fake once he gets you again). Go in Facebook groups for victims of psychological abuse, usually they deal with narcissists who are very similar to your partner. It might help you getting a better view of what you are living.

[Wise4myage]

He sounds like a real jerk and he's very immature too.