Actions vs Affections?

[Rosexøxø]

For a Marrying partner-

Would you prefer someone who treats you perfectly, amazing and is agreeable, but doesn’t love you at all? (Not passionate)

OR

someone who loves you terribly much, but doesn’t treat you well at all, and disappoints or lets you down? (Not reliable)

Can the love of a marriage survive on •Emotion•?

Or is it heavily dependent on •Decision• and •Action•?

Does it require both?

[DJB72]

Love isn't primarily a feeling. Especially in marriage. It's a conscious decision that requires constant effort to maintain.

It's sacrifice. Sometimes it means sacrificing your life. Literally.

I'm married almost 20 years now. It's not all roses and candy hearts. A choice to stick with my wife, a lady I love with all my heart and being, literally cost me my right leg. Yes, LITERALLY. It was injured and to get her the mental health services she needed we flew 12 hours to South Africa. The pressure changes in the cabin were enough that it got infected and my foot had to be amputated.

I wouldn't change my decision because as a result my wife is recovering and my son has his mummy.

Sacrifice. It's something a lot of gen-z and after don't grasp. My grandfather's generation at your age stormed the beaches in Normandy and overthrew the evil of Hitler's Germany. You lot want a "safe" space so my words don't offend you.

Grow the fuck up. If you don't this world will eat you alive.

[DJB72]

Rose sorry to rant. This wasn't aimed at you!

[Rosexøxø]

All due respect sir, but your grandfather wanted a safe place as well, hence the reason he stormed the beach of Normandy. Massive props to him. Thank you for the service, along with my grandfather, may they Rest In Peace.

I think people go about safety and peace in different ways. I do think we all must grow. Allow us to do so. I do know also, the phones that we have today were built by no one my age or below, but from people closer to your age, but maybe younger. This “normal” we have today, is inspired by what others have contributed and a great deal of others who put no restrictions on it. They slowly but surely created some type of new normal that others grew up believing was normal and adding to it, and us failing to add certain restrictions to those very additions.

Guns created; before no restriction on guns, and the other inventions that mess with their heads caused them to reach for those same guns and do wrong with them.

I don’t think anyone is to blame. I think as long as we are striving for truth, we can do it.

I’m in no way, complaining, either. I simply asked a question.

Not aimed at me you say, yet your words move with a direct driver and what you drive in the text will not do what you intend it to do if it is before my hands.

I will do my best (: to make this world a better place.

I appreciate the feedback, and condolences to the leg, and best regards and joy, to you and your family 😊🤝

[DJB72]

I just meant my reply was a generalisation, not aimed at you personally - if you were apt to complain you wouldn't ask the questions you do!

There's a massive difference between wanting to eliminate the tyranny of a movement like Nazi Germany and complaining that you're traumatised by someone's words. The "safe place" our forefathers wanted was the freedom from extremes of fascism and communism, not what passes for "offensive" language - which seems to be in many cases any statement that disagrees with an individual's personal beliefs. That kind of language is dangerous.

I apologise for the last sentence of my original comment. It was unnecessarily harsh.

I do believe that Love isn't primarily a feeling. The human race would go extinct very quickly if it was. My son can elicit emotion in me to the extreme very quickly - not all of it positive - and if I acted on those negative feelings we'd be in serious trouble! I choose not to because the Love I have for him as a parent is infinitely deeper than the frustration I feel when he runs off after I tell him to stop or he pushes to see which boundaries might be elastic. He's 4. That's his job, and I'd give my life for him in a heartbeat if I had to.

I watch your questions when they pop onto my feed. They're not the caricature of a millennial the media plays. When I respond I probably sound more angry in text than I would if we were talking in person. It's a serious failing of text communication.

I wish peace to you.

[Rosexøxø]

I acknowledge now, that I misunderstood your motive behind the comment, and I do recognize what you’re saying. I appreciate the clarification and the feedback, tremendously, as well as the personal story you gave in addition to your claim.

Before I say anything else, I wish peace to you as well, and that is only an understatement.

I wanted to ask you casually, “isn’t is true that ideologies like fascism, are widely carried and moved by the use of words?”

Sure, people do tend to get offended a lot, and we can’t always volunteer to explain things to people, so that they DONT get offended, but I do think words have some importance in which, the world that we live in.

I just wanted to add that piece, but I agree with you, wholeheartedly. There are plenty of different drivers and motivations in today’s era, within today’s youth, and so on. We need to prioritize the battles we face and fight, and if we have time to spare, to ‘right’ the ‘wrongs’ in all fronts: physical, verbal, mental, and so forth.

What ever the generation after you or the generation after me, may or may not be, we cannot just complain about them or so, but try to work to solve those problems/issues? Is some of it annoying? Yes, sometimes. I agree.

[DJB72]

It's absolutely our responsibility as parents. Most of my generation (X) has children 20+. My son is 4. Probably the youngest Gen Y child! I'm trying to guide him to be a Gentleman the way I was raised: enough strength and skill to never lose a fight and a temperament to never throw the first punch.

My grandfathers both had warrior spirit - one in the army as an officer, the other as a Salvation Army Officer. My dad was the minister's son, but he was capable of winning a fight but I never saw him have to. He passed some of that onto me. I want my son to have the strength to fight and the skill but have fewer fights than me - and I can count mine on one hand.

The current generation has been taught masculinity is toxic - but true Love desperately needs strong masculinity from the man.

Without strong masculinity you get false masculinity like fascism and misogyny. Listen to Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. Their rhetoric is similar but not the same. Tate would undoubtedly beat Peterson in a fight, but Peterson could shut him down without breaking sweat in a debate for the misogynistic fool he is.

A Real Man embraces both his masculinity and the feminine side in him.

[Rosexøxø]

Those are powerful and wise words. I’m certainly not going to stand in your way. I wish you the best on your journey with your sons and grandsons 💪.

I think what you said is part of my philosophy just a different form. That’s awesome.

The balance of wit and power. To obtain ultimate power and restrain for others, is key.

I think you will provide good options ahead of your descendants, and a good, encouraging/imploring word behind them.

[DJB72]

I checked out one of Jordan Peterson's statements about the translation of the word "meek". He's right. In 1st Century context it actually referred to a dangerous warrior whose self discipline allowed him to keep his sword sheathed in anger

[Rosexøxø]

Yes!!! I love this comment and paraphrase, but to add:

We do pick our battles, and must know without a doubt, who the enemy is.

A warrior in common translation (if I were to describe it) is someone who kills or defends to the point of, either opponents’ death. It’s destructive.

A problem solver doesn’t destroy things; nothing, but that of false concepts, and habits/traditions.

Sometimes we do a lot more alive than dead.. Even if we die for a purpose, who is to say others will learn from just watching us die?

We can’t live our whole lives fighting. We must live of solving and enjoying. Truly overcoming. I do believe in defense. I do admire many, many warriors.

Sometimes warrior-like qualities are needed in dire times, in the life of the problem solver, but changes in the world are not always won by fighting.

Fighting is never a negotiation. You kill someone, and you kill someone’s brother. You kill and someone will be behind wanting vengeance. Bloodshed does not equate to victory. Bloodshed does not bring sustenance.

All of life’s resources are not founded in blood. The world was the Big Bang, not the start up of life, from a single drop of blood.

Blood is nothing but a red liquid to fuel the body’s immune system and the skeleton/frame of us.

And people are nothing but other moving parts in the ecosystem. If you want the ecosystem to thrive, it’s better to learn to solve and work around them.

That’s just my take on it, but I absolutely love the paraphrase and this passion you have. I hope you choose to share more on it if you think of more to say. I mean no offense, but truly enjoy your share! Thank you 😊

[DJB72]

The Highlanders used to say "never give a sword to a man who can't dance". It loses something not written in olde English but you get the point.

I'm a warrior. I was refused military service on health grounds, but I stand by the word as a description.

I've been in five physical fights. Never threw the first punch. Never lost.

I'll walk away rather than fight because I know what I'm capable of. There's an old country song called "Coward of the County" by Kenny Rogers (I think) that I can identify with.

So I'd describe a warrior as someone capable of great violence but able to control that power. So someone capable of killing, certainly. But a true warrior spirit will avoid lethal force except as an absolute last resort.

A great warrior is able to win a war with no loss of life on either side. That's an oversimplification of Sun Tsu but it's the message. War is lost the instant fighting starts.

Solving any problem does, however, end in the destruction of ideas. That's what compromise is. War happens when one side says "too far". It could be as massive as invading Poland or as seemingly minor as refusing to bake a wedding cake.

You're absolutely right that fighting is not negotiating. And fighting can only have one outcome: the utter defeat of one side by the other.

My passion is fuelled by my Faith, something most people don't understand. When I read about a Man so driven by Passion that He stops to braid a whip that He then uses to drive the corrupt money-changers and traders out of the Temple in Jerusalem but uses that same Passion to gently open the cages of the doves to release them. Passion with Power, but Power tempered with Love and gentleness.

I'm not trying to force my beliefs, just let you know where I'm coming from.

I believe people are far more than pieces of an ecosystem. But we've lost sight of that in my lifetime.

And the result is too many people think warrior and killer are synonymous. Nothing is further from the heart of it.

[ChiTown33]

The latter of course. There's the old saying " all people are going to hurt you, just make sure the one you love is worth bleeding for". As long as I KNOW they love me I can tolerate a lot.

[Rosexøxø]

Wow that is pure wisdom if I ever saw such a piece of it. Thanks for adding this!

[ChiTown33]

Well if I'm I'm wise in this subject it's only because I have a lot of good role models in my life of healthy loving relationships. So I have to give them credit. Thanks!

[BlueScorpio]

Neither. The relationship is bound to fail eventually. Everyone wants balance in their relationship and you shouldn't have to choose one or the other.

[Rosexøxø]

This is so well spoken. It’s 100% truth. 🤝 amazing share, thank you

[WhitneySnow]

If they love me why would they treat me badly?

[Rosexøxø]

That question IS gold. Perioddd 👏👏👏👏

We hear it from kids a lot of the time, too. I would tell my mom (who’d brush and untangle my hair as a kid) “you’re not sorry” (for having pulled on the brush and hurt my scalp)

“If you were sorry you wouldn’t do it again.”

And she had to agree with me, and she was more gentle from that point onward. I guess she didn’t realize how much agony it was until I made a point about it. ☝️👀

[Guy13]

The biggest problem in marriage is that we individually fail to appropriate “what will I be giving up” when determining a marriage partner rather than what I will be acquiring.

Marriage is not an acquisition as much as it is a willing sacrificial love.

[Rosexøxø]

There could be some truth to this. I’ll have to think it over 🤔, but I like what’s been said here. 🤜🤛

[Guy13]

Alright 👍

🦃

[msc545]

Marriage is asymmetrical relative to legal privilege as a function of gender. Women can, with the willing assistance of the legal system, ruin a man's life even though he has done nothing wrong. Men certainly cannot do the same, at least with anything like the privilege and protection from the courts and social media that women enjoy.

So go ahead, hand her that gun, and invite her to point it at your head and pull the trigger whenever she feels like it. She will suffer no consequences and she KNOWS that.

[Rosexøxø]

@msc545 well at least she has one in a belt considering and compared to all the guns guys have… just sayin’ just sayin’ 👐

That’s all I’m gonna say by the way because I don’t like to entertain that kind of thought/speech.

[exitseven]

That is a valid observation.

[msc545]

Husbands have nothing.

[Rosexøxø]

@msc545 🤭😵‍💫🤐😂😂👀😬😬🥶🥶🥶💀👍

[DJB72]

Fuck me you lot are cynical!

[Rosexøxø]

@DJB72 me too? 🥺

[DJB72]

@Rose- definitely not!

[Effably]

So pne who acts as if they love me passionately but does not and one who does but acts as if they don't care?

Neither would work. If we can work on it I prefer emotions. If not, assuming the one who acts the part is also feeling fulfilled from it that's the choice.

Realistically neither will actually work.

[Rosexøxø]

So you think both are required?

by the way, your answer cuts right to the point and basics. Very much appreciated. 🤜🤛

[NathanDavis]

love me terribly? love me right, instead...

I rather keep the first, as a friend... lol

[Rosexøxø]

Lol I swear I thought those were lyrics to a song, for a second. Permission to possibly take that line? 🤓🤙

I may just shuffle it and try different words, but that line is picturesque 😍🤩😂

[NathanDavis]

all yours, of course... lol

[NathanDavis]

but please... do not make it a Taylor Swift-ish song... lol

[Rosexøxø]

Hahaha why must my mind be read for all to see lmao jk jk definitely not. T-swift only had a few catchy jingles, but the rest of her career is just questionable or absolutely cringe-

in my opinion, popular or unpopular, as it may be 👀👍

[Rosexøxø]

Thanks anyhow 😎🤜🤛

[NathanDavis]

I actually don't know any of her songs well... lol

just a common joke

[Rosexøxø]

Ripness lol I guess that means my opinion is popular by default and unpopular in relatability 😂🤜🤛

Craziness

[exitseven]

I go with the affections. She can always do better with the actions.

[Rosexøxø]

Very valid point 👌

[msc545]

Neither. This is like "which leg do you want to lose"?

[Rosexøxø]

Does make sense 🤔👌