Is it better if a relationship is based on actions rather than the words, ''I love you''?

Question

Well I'm engaged but we don't exchange ''I love you'' words nor very romantic text. Our conversations are about our daily routines, where we think about living after the marriage, whether I'll apply for a new job once relocating to his place, stresses in the workplace, updates on the documents that haven't arrived yet, etc. Then again, we're not 18-24 year-olds lovebirds. I'm 37 and he's 50; different stages in life and the vetting process has already been done.

The closest thing we said once was along these lines ''I feel very appreciated talking to you every day, hugs'' or simply expressing appreciation for having them in your life. Isn't this way better than the frequent ''I love you, you're the love of my life'' exchanges among younger (generally speaking) people?

Damaged00 · Accepted Answer

Yes, actions always speak louder than words. Especially when it comes to love. Anyone can say I Love you, and the tricky thing is that it comes from their own perspective of love. Which could greatly differ from your own perspective of love.

I sometimes think that saying I Love You can actually cause more friction in relationships. Only because love has its own meaning to each of us. It puts personal expectations of love on both people. Like if he truly loved me he would be doing this and not doing that and so on.

I would rather know he loves me from his actions. There are too many underlying reasons someone could say I love you and when we hear those words, we tend to want to believe them and then it hurts that much more when their actions betray those words.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

If someone loves you, you’ll know. My uncle — badass Marine who loved the family SO dearly — perhaps said, “I love you” to my granny (his baby sister) once in all the time I’ve known him. He’d just give her a funny little nod, which she’d return, and they’d go about their business. It was in his last week of life that he asked for her, hugged her and asked, “you know I love you, right?” For some reason she laughed… maybe it was from the nervous tension of the situation, but maybe it was just that his actions had always spoken more loudly than any words….

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I think actions are definitely stronger than words when it comes to effort in the relationship. Going on dates or making any kind of romantic gesture, communicating with your partner, etc. But one aspect of action that I don't think SHOULD matter as much in a relationship is the action towards making money.

Everyone has grand dreams of becoming rich and providing for their loved ones and living a high standard of life. But to achieve it is just not in the cards for most people. I think as long as you're stable and supportive of each other and put action into the relationship in all other aspects, you should be able to have a very happy and successful relationship.

adventurous-1 · Accepted Answer

Actions definitely, like the song says "sometime words have no meaning" but actions have always spoken louder than words. How many times have you heard someone say one thing but do another. How many cheaters have told their spouses that they love them while in bed with their affair partner. You continuously show your love by how you treat your partner, speak to them, place their wants and needs ahead of your own. You share your food and finances with them happily and are always doing things big and small for them as it make you happy pleasing them. That show them you truly love them better than words alone ever could.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Absolutely, diving into this love story feels like decoding a mystery wrapped in a hug! 🕵️‍♤💖 Let's break it down - when you're painting the town red with someone who gets your heart racing, sometimes actions speak louder than the most poetic love sonnets Shakespeare could dream up. It sounds like your love is like a steady flame, not a firework that fizzles out fast. You're building something durable, like a skyscraper made of trust, daily routines, and mutual support rather than just sweet nothings whispered in the moonlight.

Remember, age isn't just a number when it comes to love - it's a sign of wisdom, of knowing that love isn't always about grand gestures or flowery words. It's in the "I've got your back" and the "I'm here for you," which it sounds like you and your fiancé have down to an art form. As you're discussing future plans and sharing your daily lives, you're laying down a foundation stronger than those love declarations that fade away when ‘real life’ kicks in.

So, to answer your question: YES! 😍 This is the gourmet version of love – rich, fulfilling, and definitely better aged. In a world that often mistakes intensity for intimacy, you're proof that true connection can be just as vibrant in the quieter moments. Keep cherishing those conversations and plans, because that's where the real magic happens.

ShellyB · Answer

I think it all counts, in your case it sounds like you are doing really well! But for example, if somebody refused to say the words “I love you” and got mad and said “don’t my actions show it” the actions may show it but then why are the words so hard? I think both things are good, I don’t really mean in your case I just mean for anybody reading it like saying “I love you” doesn’t matter bc it does in my opinion.

However, there are other things I find really meaningful. For example my fiance and I both ski. I hate being on the ski lift without the bar lowered. He doesn’t care. The first time we skied together he chuckled when I put the bar down the first time and said “we aren’t going to fall, it’s OK.” I said well I just feel safer with it. After that every time he put the bar down wo hesitation, and one time we were on a larger ski lift with two stranger guys and he started to put the bar down, one of the strangers kind of laughed or made fun of him for it and said “I like the bar down” and didn’t say anything about me. This is kind of a long story I guess and it’s no big deal, but, it IS a big deal everything like this is a big deal and sometimes I get emotional thinking about things like that.

coachTanthony · Answer

If it works then no reason to question it. It's like couples who sleep in separate beds. Nobody's business but their own and if it works great.

Quigly · Answer

Def Leppard - Actions not words.

Unless a person is in a wheelchair and paralyzed they shouldn't have a problem expressing love with physical actions from time to time.

It's really important to show some Sincerity in a relationship. Many people have no sincerity behind their words. Just walking around saying "I Love You" all the time doesn't get it. Just Words lead to a false sense of security and not really love at all. A Person has to be willing to take action on certain important things to show some sincerity behind the words. If not, I would say there is a problem.

hahahmm · Answer

There's people who say, "I love you" 3-5 times per day WHILE cheating on you. Words don't mean anything. The people who cheat the most are screaming the loudest about how it's bad if you haven't said I love you every day too. Beware.

Of course actions matter most. There's a reason why traditional marriage was a business deal where both people benefited instead of an "If I love you I'll stay and if I don't I'll leave." And by "business" I don't simply mean money but whatever giving/taking exchange went on that made the two people compliment each other. Now people try to make life all about money and self-centered thinking that they can be single within a relationship. My theory is that the vast majority of people who are experts in failed relationships shouldn't be preaching to others by making romantic comedies, writing books about love, writing songs about love and so on.

Alli112 · Answer

If it works for you then it doesn't matter. I think actually saying you love someone can be really meaningful to both parties, and if you're genuinely uncomfortable saying it (as opposed to just not being in the habit) then it might be good to consider why before you get married. But at the end of the day, people have different love languages and you just need something that makes you and your partner happy.

rosemilk · Answer

i love you's need to be said daily. as for the rest of the question, yes actions are way better than words. after all of the "romantic texts", you are trying to build a life together. if it is always "romantic texts" then what is that even accomplishing? you two have a different way of communicating that shows mature communication

FreyaRed · Answer

Yes, words mean nothing without deeds. I can remember as one of my relationships started to turn in trash I heard "I love you" 20 times in a day but action of this guy were opposite to his words.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I don’t think that saying “ I love you “ matters anywhere near as much as showing your partner your love and so yes actions speak louder than words in that sense. But a loving relationship has to have both …it’s not an either or for me.

I think without loving and knowing you are loved then you may as well be friends that live in the same house.

youandi_ · Answer

You can describe this type of relationship as a "mature and practical relationship." The focus here is on daily life and future plans, rather than romance and emotional expressions. Given the age and life experience, this is quite natural and indicates that your relationship is built on a solid foundation.

TheorionMage · Answer

"Demonstrable actions ALWAYS speak louder than mere verbal platitudes." SHOW me don't TELL me---

WhitneySnow · Answer

Both are important but you need the “I love you”s in order to feel like you really cherish each other. Otherwise it probably just feels like a business transaction, or at best two casual platonic friends talking.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

I think both are important. Actions definitely do speak louder than words but it's also important to say those words from time to time.

My boyfriend and I aren't crazy about saying it all the time and there was a period of time where nothing lovey was said and things started to get weird but we worked out what the issue was and make sure to pay eachother those cutesy compliments even if they seem cringey it's nice to feel like you're appreciated

MrGTAB · Answer

Not saying those words is an action in of itself. I don't appreciate people not expressing their affection towards me if I'm going all in.

ohmyguy · Answer

Fuck ya sorry say but come on duh.. its our action that make words worth a damn..! Especially love and sorry  People could just pay a bit more attention to how the use and express those two words

SotiCoto · Answer

Some people put more import in those words than others. But generally yeah, actions are more important. That said, if someone thinks you're avoiding those words on purpose, that could cause problems.

Starrrboy · Answer

I think both are important but it really depends on the couple and how they match each other's energy... some people are totally okay with the lack of affection by words... and some are definitely not..

LiamJHayden · Answer

Words can easily be empty or manipulative. Action can be, but are far less likely to be so.

Jessikaah91 · Answer

Actions are always nice but also hearing those words are nice too.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

In some ways, it's probably a more honest relationship when it's based on actions.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

They both are important but yes, actions speak louder than words

Emmytexrex · Answer

I like a relationship to have both words and actions to back it up

spartan55 · Answer

You are engaged but have never exchanged 'I love yous'? That is really weird, but whatever works for you.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

it's nice to hear those three words, but, it's always actions that speak louder

Anonymous · Answer

It's debatable whether it's better. It sounds more mature though.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

on actions, gestures, emotions and words...

strangeatcircleK · Answer

Actions are great and sometimes better. However, I love you are words that should happen regularly at some point, even if it's once a month

jahaims · Answer

All relationships should be based on actions. Words mean nothing if words don't match the actions

Ladsin2 · Answer

Both is probably better. If you can only have one or the other I presume the litter is more important.

Anonymous · Answer

No. You should do both. You can talk about deep things but also say I love you…

exitseven · Answer

Actions are good but you gotta say the words.

DrPepper12 · Answer

If it works for you who cares!

fuddly · Answer

Of course

Is it better if a relationship is based on actions rather than the words, ''I love you''?

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