Should I move on or wait to see what happens?

[queenish_1]

He liked another girl before me and he changed for her so I see that as he loves her but he told me he likes me more. I don't get how you can change for somebody and not love them🤔So we should move on from each other because if you love someone enough to change for them you can't just give that up, you know what I mean? I would hate to think I came between that😕I know it's not my fault he has feelings for me but it feels like I'm coming in the middle of people who love each other. He never said he loved her, he just said he liked her but don't you only change for people you love? I asked him for space but he didn't give it to me for long and I just caved in because I really do like him and I wish I didn't, he's just a good guy for me I think. I'm just having a hard time letting go of him. It's harder to let go of somebody when the only reason you're letting go is to let them find love elsewhere when you just want to love them and them to love you too☹️But I have to be selfless because he is my friend. He said that whatever happens happens and I know he doesn't want me to move on (he didn't tell me but I know). He doesn't want me to reject him but it's confusing me. Should I move on or leave it to chance that I'd have to see him and that other girl get together while I'm still heavily invested in him? That's not putting me first and I love myself too much to put myself through that also. If he still can't choose me then that just means I'm not good enough for him because when you want to be with someone nothing would stand in the way of that. If I was the one, he wouldn't have to make a choice, I would be the only decision but since it's proven that I'm not, I have to move on as hard as it is and I can't move on while being this close to him. But I don't wanna leave because I'll miss him a lot even if it's just temporary. I just feel so confused with this because I have one foot in and one out and I don't like being in this position. What should I do?

[SnowedIn]

As hard as this is to say, I think you move on. Here's why.

First, him. Two reasons. You asked him for space and he didn't give it to you. That's plain wrong, particularly at your age. He didn't respect your boundaries and that's likely to resurface in other areas. Then, he changed for the other girl. You didn't specify what it was that he changed, but being a chameleon isn't a great thing for a partner to be. It's one thing to try curry because your SO likes it, but not change change. That'd worry me that he's just changing to "get the girl".

Second, you. You're not all in. You have these doubts. They are 100% legit and you're awesome for giving voice to them. But they are still doubts and confusion. Thus, move on. Maybe he is the one. If so, that will become clear. But right now, based on your words, it isn't clear -- it's more like a muddy river. Also, based on what you say, moving on doesn't cost you anything: it doesn't sound like you have a relationship and it doesn't sound like it's a 100% crush.

I'd make a clean break and restart.

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[queenish_1]

Ofcourse🥰 you really did help me a lot, thank you

[SnowedIn]

I'm so glad to hear that! Best wishes with this.

[Summeroflove]

I’m confused. Number one not to be a grammar nazi but it’s hard to understand stuff when it’s not paragraphed out.


Are you in a relationship with him? Is someone else? I don’t understand. If he’s already in a relationship then leave him alone.


It also depends on how you’re wanting him to change. If you mean change of bad ways and bad habits. That’s good. But someone wanting to change someone and mold them into who they want them to be fundamentally changing who they are is wrong

[queenish_1]

I'm sorry😭 the word limit is annoying and I didn't wanna miss anything out.

We're both single, we just like each other

When he met her he changed his old habits to better. He just started coming to church and he wanted to stop drinking and smoking etc and he did. He changed before he met me.

[Summeroflove]

It’s all good and yeah it is kind of annoying sometimes.

If you really like him. Ask him out. Especially if he’s a good guy. You never know unless you ask and try

[Avicenna]

You definitely need to move on from this situation. Talk to other guys.

[Guy13]

I would move on. He’s not settled.

[JamesDiaz11]

You have an overly simplistic view of love. People change in ways they want to change in, when they're ready to change. You can love someone to the moon and back and not change for them, at the same time you can care for someone very little and choose to change in some way.

You're 16; you're not mature enough to know what love is, what defines a good relationship, and your head is fully of fairy tale notions that need to be dispelled.

[queenish_1]

I'm offended but you're right😂 I only have an idea of what love is

[JamesDiaz11]

That shows humility by you saying that. I would just share a few words with you that I hope will stop you from making some mistakes in love: if you ever find yourself saying "if he loved me he'd do (fill in the blank)" stop yourself, toss that thought in the trash, and move on." People do what they want to do, and to some degree what they have to do- love (or rather infatuation) provides very little motivation for someone.

[queenish_1]

😯😯that makes sense. Thank you fir your wise words!😌

[Teriyaki70]

Focus on school and you.