How do I get my boyfriend to show more physical affection?

[Puppystarfish23]

My boyfriend is a really good guy and we both really love each other. He shows me he loves me by taking care of me. He's always helping me out and cooking me dinner and stuff. He's a real sweetie deep down but it just feels like he never has time for me when it comes to physical affection.

He will cuddle with me at night or I have to ask and yes I am very clingy too but he's amitted to not liking kissing because he thinks it's gross and he gets all shy and embarrassed in front of his family and in public.

I just see all my friends with there boyfriends and they'll be touching them in little ways when out like holding her hand or putting his arm around her but my boyfriend doesn't do that especially in front of his family because they all go "aww how cute" and he gets all embarrassed.

I think it's a confidence thing as it takes a lot for him to make the first move. We've been to together over 3 years now. It doesn't help we live with his parents too so we barely get any time alone.

We are looking at getting a house together but he just never touches me or tells me I'm pretty and if when it's very rare and I'm not used to it.

Before anyone comes for him. He really is a good man and he's so loving towards me it's just the physical side sometimes can be a struggle.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Maybe read a bit into 'love languages'. It's a bit 'pseudoscience-y' but might give you a framework for understanding how you each prefer to express and receive love. He sounds like he uses 'acts of service' to show love, and you use 'physical touch' and 'words of affirmation'. He might also have some confidence issue around PDA, but it's worth remembering that not all cultures are as touchy feely as Westernised cultures, so it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything "wrong" with him, he just may not have the kinesthetic vocabulary for expressing love through physical gestures. But all is not lost! You should sit down with him and reaffirm your need for physical affection, while also recognising his own preferred love language, and you both can find some agreement on how you'd each like to receive love. Maybe you could start doing some more acts of service for him (even if it doesn't give you the fuzzy feelies like physical touch -- but you do it on the understanding that the act of service does for him what cuddles and kisses do for you.) And vice versa, see if he'd be receptive to being more physically affectionate, if not in front of other people, then at least in the private, quieter moments shared between just the two of you. For some people the PDA is just an impassible wall, but he might be more willing to be like "okay, we're alone now, I'd better give her the daily quota of physical affection". I don't know what to suggest about his aversion to kissing, maybe he could start with an easier point of entry like kissing just your neck and shoulders, then your cheeks, then work up to kissing on the mouth? But I'm only speculating here, it's possible he just doesn't want to kiss, period. But if you at least communicate why hugs and kisses etc are important to you -- and you offer to do more things for his benefit that fit his love language -- then you might be able to negotiate something resembling a win-win scenario. End of the day, all you can do is communicate both your needs, look for solutions, and ultimately, if no solutions are found, there might come a time where you have to decide if this particular relationship has legs.

[Guy13]

Affectionate is a broad spectrum an sharing time together can be the best course of action in increasing Affection. I would observe and digest his behaviors, such as, how he expresses love. Is he touchy, fixing and doing things but don’t say much etc.

Respecting him as a man, acknowledge some of his stressors and successes is good idea. And soft eyes and smile cures all things….

[BeeNee]

I think you really should take a look at your love languages. It sounds like he shows love through acts of service, and you prefer physical touch. To be clear, it should never be about forcing him to conform to your love language or vice versa, but more about establishing a dialogue about it, and letting him know for you, it's important that you have more physical touch, like could you guys hold hands at the movies for example, since it's dark and he doesn't need to feel embarrassed if that's what it is for him. Whatever you do, make sure you are open and honest about it with him rather than letting your thoughts fester. End of the day, you have said repeatedly he's a good guy, so believe that, even if he doesn't hug or kiss you more.

[FreyaRed]

Most guys think they show weakness if they are too affectionate. Convince him with your behavior that being affectionate is mutually beneficial for your relationship without talking a lot about it. Don't exaggerate with reward and punishment, because if it's too obvious it looks like intentional manipulation.

[Summeroflove]

You need to tell him what you want. Not expect him to read your mind.

[tenor55]

@SomeGuyCalledTom already mentioned the love languages. For us, my love languages are physical touch and quality time. My wife’s are acts of service and words of affirmation. So, as a couple, we are opposite of you. I want to cuddle on the couch and she wants to be busy doing acts of service. Showing the other love by demonstrating our own love languages is the natural thing to do. We had to retrain into thinking the other’s language. We don’t always succeed because the default is our own, but it is still worth trying!

[Blackmoonsns]

It sounds like he doesn't know how to give emotional physical affection it might be due to his upbringing he might not be showed any of that as a child so what you're seeing is probably in the norm for him growing up and that's his idea of love. To be fair though most men don't know women crave and emotional physical sensual Bond that's a lot of cuddling hand holding adoring just being there and holding her in her time of need and showing public affection. That's something he's going to have to learn on his own he might need some therapy if he's shy and quiet he's probably an introvert. It's possible he could grow with help and maybe some therapy or this is just who he is and you might have to learn to accept that nature or you might find that this isn't your standard and it might be time to move on

[Reece12345]

I think this is a matter of confidence. But him not even kissing you seems to me like a deep issue that he might need to work on. It maybe an issue related to his past.

It's wonderful how you both get along but I feel that this physical issue might be helped by a couples therapist.

[Kaneki05]

Aww this is cute. Dunno how you would solve it though and with 3 years together I would of thought such issues would be resolved. Kinda get the kissing thing, though cuddling is the best and kisses to the forehead are sweet.
Hmm I would say you have to push him out his comfort zone but of course you don't want to make him to uncomfortable but things usually are until done multiple times.

[Stevefiveo]

He sounds like this is one of those things that you are going to have to take the lead in. You are going to have to initiate the physical contact. Ask him what he is comfortable with. Tell him that it is important to you and hopefully he will get it and return the favor.

[Koalamate]

Literaly ask him to be more physically affectionate, encourage it make him feel less shy about it. Be more physically affectionate towards him.

[Puppystarfish23]

I try to cuddle him and he's always pushes me away especially if it's I'm front of his family. He says he tired or he has stuff to do but whenever I'm doing stuff he decides that's the time he wants to cuddle me and it's really annoying and he just thinks it cute because I get grumpy about it

[exitseven]

My Italian grandmother used to say that God always gives bread to those with no teeth. Even though it sounds better in Italian you get the idea.

[SphynxUK]

He’s just not affectionate. He shows it in other ways. You will just have to accept it and keep initiating when you feel the need.

[aaron210419]

Some guys are just not physically affectionate, you can talk to him about how you feel but if it doesn't change it doesn't mean he cares for you any less.

[LindsayR07]

Taking my clothes off usually do it for my man...

[WhitneySnow]

Talk to him. Tell him how important it is to you that guys be affectionate with each other.