Is this friendship sus?

[Anonymous]

My husband has a female friend overseas that he talks to on a regular basis? They went to college together and has kept in contact and he caught up with her overseas a few years ago. I told him to promise to never talk to her again and he promised. But today I saw messages to his sister saying to contact her as she can be a good reference overseas and also a job reference for his brother. I understand they are college friends.. I am with him and she is overseas, he is entitled to friends but no need to lie about the friendship

[SnowedIn]

I do not think the friendship is sus.

I also think that him contacting his sister about the woman being a reference is an honest statement -- the woman can, in fact, be a good reference.

I am still friends with people from middle and high school and college and previous careers. My wife knows this. There's nothing wrong with close friendships.

My concern here is the contradiction in what you write. You write that "he is entitled to friends" but you also write that "I told him to promise to never talk to her again". That's not fair or reasonable. You either trust him or you don't (until he gives you reason not to). In this specific case, he wasn't smart to agree to you and promise to you. That was a dumb mistake. Based on what you wrote, how did he lie? Having his sister contact the woman isn't contacting her.

Finally, I think you have trust issues. Maybe there's something that he has done that you didn't write about that plays into that or maybe that's on you. But you clearly don't trust his relationship with this friend and you looked at his messages. That is a much larger problem than the friend overseas.

But, again, in answer to your question, no, the friendship is not sus.

[SexyRedd1966]

Nothing wrong with that... I am actually still friends with almost everyone I have dated because when I'm done with you I release the feelings and move on... I don't spend time with them, but we still text/talk... you have to trust your partner