We had a serious argument yesterday and parted without words.
I've not been myself since and I'm still angry.
Who should talk first?
I don’t think it matters who initiates the conversation after. I wouldn’t be the initiator until I had calmed down and reflected on what had happened, my thoughts/feelings about the topic and had some thoughts regarding what I wanted to communicate.
It’s not always about being right or pointing out fault…. more importantly is highlighting your perspective and why you feel the way you do and then listening to their response and understand their perspective…. We are all different and have to meet in the middle. Sometimes it’s more of a stretch.
Normal female apology " I'm sorry but..."
@KrakenAttackin you don't know what I typed. stop being a pain
Don't know what the argument was about of course and it's not relevant either.
Everybody has a strong notion of what a good girlfriend/boyfriend is. It is manifestly obvious to us but the more nuanced aspects aren't necessarily obvious to our partner. The big ones like sexual fidelity are but the more nuanced ones might not be.
I tend to think guy/girl fights can be over quite trivial matters but really stem from perceived bad boyfriend/girlfriend behavior. For example fights I had with an ex-gf where really over my perception that she was selfish in some minor aspects rather than actually what we actually fought over.
Once it blows over I think "what should a good girlfriend/boyfriend have done" is a good question.
He's probably done with you. He's tired of your bullshit and realizes life is easier without you.
@KrakenAttackin that's your opinion. if it happens to be true, I will live.
That's good. Live and learn.
@KrakenAttackin I don't even know why you're saying "my bullshit" as if I'm the problem.
u If you are worried about rules re who should talk first, are you obligated to initiate the conversation, etc., then you are focusing n who is right and who is wrong and you haveuch to learn about relationships. Being right is frequently absolutely irrelevant in couples conflicts.
What's more important: proving that you are right, or resolving the conflict as quickly and smoothly as possible?
Only if resolving this disagreement is more important than trying to "prove" that you are right.
If I received an apology by text instead of in person, I would assume that means you think it isn't very important.
At least he knows that you tried to call and that signals how important this is to you. He may think about that and eventually return the call.
Maybe not. Good luck.
I'd recommend that everyone cool down for several days before anything is broached.
If it was seriously serious argument, it sounds like counseling might be helpful. When you can speak to each other again, bring this up. Especially if this is NOT the first time this issue has arisen. Good luck.
First of all, never let the sun go down on your anger. Work it out, apologize, and talk it out, because if you let it fester overnight it will only produce more division between you. I liken it to spanking your child and not telling them you love them enough to discipline them.
"I love you enough to hit you".
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Well after make up sex anyone really can start talking lol
It really does not matter as long as someone does. Be the bigger person and fix the situation. The man should actually. !!
"The man actually should"? Are you fucking kidding?
@KrakenAttackin No. Lead or get the fuck on and buy a dog. No I am not. If you have no heart for her then what are you doing. How old are you really?
@KrakenAttackin I see it the same in a more stoic way. So what that there was an argument? It doesn't mean crap to me as long as what I say is done, and it may even have been a "shit test".
@guy13. Way to be a cuck. Apologizing for HER neurosis is not "leading".
Whoever was wrong has to correct themselves.
Not necessarily apologize unless they knew they were wrong and still kept at it.
Often nobody is wrong, so there's no need to pussify yourself in front of them, just resume the conversation as if nothing happened.
I think men should resist the wave of emotions that the women trampoline through so easily (if they have adequate testosterone levels, they wouldn't cry for small shit.)
Even when it's heated for them, as I said it can be just a "shit test" done by her subconsciously.
@PraviteliNahuiValite Very , very true
Well girl’s are never see themselves as being wrong so it’s usually best for the man to apologize if he wants to save his relationship, Girl’s can’t grasp the concept of them actually being wrong and they do not know how to remove selfishness for her partner and they do not know how to say sorry unless someone else tells them they were wrong then maybe she will apologize after that , because a girl does not listen to her man she just assumes he is a controlling and a disrespectful piece of shit when really he is trying to express his feelings to her but she will take it the wrong way and never point fingers at herself cuz it’s her way or no way , I know this sounds sexist but based off of my experiences with girls this is something I experienced a lot of so until I meet a girl that knows how to remove selfishness my ass is staying single
To answer your update , it sounds like your boyfriend lost trust in you , and sadly in today’s world that’s usually the case because of all the nonsense we hear about and experiences with relationships. People are
Losing respect and trust for each other and assuming the worst case scenario more , I blame a lot of it on social media , every time I come on social media someone is cheating , someone is back stabbing, someone is betraying someone , Your partner is cheating on you if they are doing this and that etc.. The number 1 thing that kills relationships today is selfishness and most people don’t grasp this concept , For love to grow between 2 people you have to remove selfishness for each other , understand that you can’t always be right and they are wrong , understand when boundaries are set in your relationship that you need to follow those boundaries as well , Wear each other’s shoes before making decisions, make each other your top priority, Most people can not do that and they wonder why their relationships fail, Just because you think within yourself something is ok it might not be ok to your partner , instead of just assuming they are insecure or they don’t trust me put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself why are they feeling that way , it’s called respect , when you can’t respect your partner they are not going to be able to respect you , if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner they will not be able to do it for you , understand that you can’t always be right and they are wrong. You are a team it’s you and your partner VS this fucked up world we live in , You and your partner need to be each other’s top priority or it won’t work , Your partner needs to come over
Your friends and family and they have to do the same for you or it won’t work. It’s ok to have friends but your friends should never come before
Your partner and you should never exclude Your partner for
Your friends , Most people don’t realize that they can have good friends and toxic
Friends , A good friend is going to support your relationship and understand that you are in a relationship and not do anything that can jeopardize your relationship, a toxic friend will try to pull you away from your partner and fill your head that you need someone better , your partner is to controlling , they don’t trust you , let’s go out for Girls or Guys night fuck them. Those our
The friends you need to kick to the curb cuz they don’t give 2 shits about your relationship. If your partner is telling you they don’t like some of your friends eliminate those
Friends , Most people don’t grasp this as well and they wonder why they end up single. Your friends will not be with you until the end of time but your partner will be when you respect them the same way they respect you , without any of that you will have nothing , why removing selfishness in a relationship is important , whatever you don’t want your partner doing you have to not do yourself
my advice to you is if your ex decides to come back to you you are best to not give him another chance , by him not responding to you when you tried reaching out to him is a clear sign that he doesn’t value you , like I said it’s not about who was right or wrong it’s about respect For each other , if he valued you and respected you he would of responded , the fact that he didn’t just shows he only thinks of himself. So if he tries to reach out to you say in a few days or tomorrow or tonight understand that he doesn’t have another chance , understand that he already blew it , The reason he didn’t respond to you was because he is weighing his options , don’t think for a second that he isn’t, By you not giving in to him is going to make you a better person understanding your own worth and that you are not a convenience, cuz when someone truly values you and loves you they don’t need space from you , they will try to fix it as soon as possible , when they don’t come back right away they are weighing their options and when they realize no one else wants them they will try to come back to you , Don’t have Sucker written on your head understand you deserve someone that wouldn’t walk away from you , Why I never take exes back period
Some people are great at conversatios in such situations. I am not. So it is always when a 3rd person comes in the middle who you talk with at tha same time and that becomes a means to restart the communication gradually.
If you feel you have more of a blame for the argument flaring up, and if you want ro make up, make something for him. Like a food that he loves or a special dessert.
Perhaps you could bake a cake and write something on the cake.
Its ok. Don't overthink. If there was a true bond and connection, he will forget and forgive in a few days. Just be patient.
Having said that, also do some introspection. From your end, did you get angry purely out of your nature or did you deliberately make an effort to show your anger. I am only asking a candid question because it it is the former, i would always move away from that person without giving a 2nd. chance.
Fair enough. Best of luck. Dont stress about it. Reconcilations also need to be 2 sided.
Telephone conversations are the WORST.
I admire your determination.
thanks. anyway, I called some hours ago but he didn't take my calls. I called again some few minutes ago. he picked on the third ring, barely listened to my I'm sorries and ended the call. Then I called again. he ignored again and managed to pick, then said he wants to sleep and doesn't want to talk to 'anybody'. he sounded dismissive and kind of in pain. I don't know. He mumbled some words that said he will talk tomo or next but even the words came out tentative and vague. I'm not sure I want to give him the gifts again. cause I can feel he is not ready to talk. But I want him to tell me if it's over so I can start grieving. I don't want to postpone my grief. I want to send him an SMS saying exactly that because that's how I feel.
The only way this gets settled is if someone talks first. Who should that be? In my opinion it should be the one who was wrong. They should apologize first. Getting that person to admit fault would mean that the other needs to talk first and by asking for an apology will only make things worse. But someone needs to wear the pants in the relationship...
After a fight both will reflect and probably one will realize they were over the top.
over all I think it is best if the girl says she was wrong. No man can be angry with a girl who says she was wrong.
Probably whoever started the argument? If you're still pissed, but you want to make amends; you should give yourself more time to cool off until you're ready to make amends.
You sent the text and you called.. now the ball is in his court... if he doesn't respond that tells you he's done with the situation... when this happens with me I always be the bigger person and reach out to them first, even with my children
Either of you. It’s ok to just start with, “I love you but I need you to know that I’m still hurt by xyz. I may still need some time to sort through my thoughts before was talk about what happened.”
There isn't a true and true rule about who initiates conversation after a fight. I would hope that you both could/would. If it's always let to the same person it skews the relationship some
Damn just leave it you two need to sit down and talk about it. y'all need to talk about why it happened and ways to prevent it from happening in the future. My favorite part of arguing is the make up sex that comes after
I'm gonna in box you okay
If you're wrong you talk first. If nobody is 'wrong'... Just talk, you're adults.
It doesn't matter. Whoever feels like talking first can talk first. Don't make it an extra thing to argue about.
The one who realizes it's over, feelings and grievances were aired, now let's try to be adults about this and find common ground so we can get back to business.
You both should talk first. So whoever is being more humble will reach out first
It doesn't matter who. It only matters that you do.
@KrakenAttackin what's that mean
You are a typical, problematic, alpha bitch.
If you love him...
Really not matters who should talk first
That is all between you two. Some couples prefer to fight and constantly be on bad terms.
Probably the person that started the fight should speak first with an apology.
@KrakenAttackin that's a lie
So cry. Than fuck off.
@KrakenAttackin I don't know why ur upset
The one that was in the wrong... so, the female. 😆
Depends on who believes they're in the wrong. Of course girls typically never admit they're in the wrong though, so, the sentence is a moot point
Whenever both of you get level headed. Be the listener first.
"I am sorry and I was wrong", said no woman, ever.
The wife because the wife is the only one who ever starts fights always.
If you can contact him, do it. Offer a truce, see if he responds.
Wow. It’s been days. I’m sorry. (I didn’t realize this was about a real life situation until today)
It doesn’t matter you can do it right now
Let's face it. It's always the guy
Who ever actually wants it to be resolved.
The one ready to apologize
Whoever is at fault
Is this a serious question?
Ok, well the answer obviously depend entirely on the details of the argument, not the gender of those involved.
You are pissed that he promised to buy you something and he didn't? Hmmm...
You seem entitled to his money
Am I?
What is it hat he promised to buy you?
Why is that?
Whoever is ready to mend the relationship.
Man.
Both.
Either one.
Doesn't matter who.
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