Should men always initiate conversation or should the woman or 50/50?

[waynecollins]

Is it wrong to get upset when you’re always the one reaching out and the relationship feels one sided?

Yes , men should make the move

Yes , woman should always make the move

No, men shouldn’t always make the move

No, woman shouldn’t always make the move

It should be 50/50

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy friend for 4 months. I initiated contact first, he’s 8 years older at first it was sort of like back and forth then it started just being me and we basically never had ending conversation for about 3 months until he leave me on read then I’ll give him space for 3/4 days. I don’t care about contacting first most of the time but when a guy will read my text and not say anything I do not continue the conversation it’s like what ever. Anyways, reason being I never ever did this but sometimes your pride leaves when you really care about a person and be there for them I was a girl who aloud guys to message first but now I learned it’s 50/50 But at the beginning I let the guy do the work to see his level of interest. The reason I always texted my guy first is because he has insecurities within himself and social/confidence problems he also has anxiety and depression so when I text first he’s happy lately... it’s been hell and you will feel hurt after putting all of it in if you do about 68% of your part. It gets tiring I am a confident girl and I honestly think it should be 50/50 it gets hurtful when one person always contact first but communication is key!

[btbc92]

In truth it should be whenever both you and that person feels like it. Instead of assuming that person doesn't want to bother with you, why don't you just personally ask that person how come they hardly speak or say certain things? 9/10x, a lot of people don't initiate conversations because they don't want it feel judge for the opinions and being themselves. If they're not ready to open up in a conversation try to relax and don't push them. Let that person know you're there for them if you truly mean it. You have to build a safe environment in order for a person to let loose of who they are. The wrong reaction to do is to get upset. No amount of anger and frustration is going to make a person open up.

[Tomblebee]

I feel as though whoever is always/consistently/mostly initiating would find it difficult to gauge whether or not the other person is interested, and as the person on the receiving end of most initiated conversations how would you go about politely addressing that you'd rather they hadn't started talking; or on the other hand that, hey thanks, this is cool?

[waynecollins]

Right exactly what I’m feeling and thinking at the moment

[Tomblebee]

Probably a good idea to voice how you feel about the imbalance in interest you're gauging, before it just becomes the new normal for the two of ya..

[waynecollins]

Sadly it’s become normal. I voiced it so much and it fell of deaf ears

[Tomblebee]

What's the messaging ratio like. Are we talking initiation of conversation, or talking in general. Because if you are constantly initiating conversation but she feels she talks more than you in the conversation she might think you're uninterested.

[waynecollins]

I always start the conversation and try to hold it the best I can. She always ends up going mia mid conversation and I have gotten in the habit of stopping and reaching out later in the evening where talk isn’t consistent but better then the day and come late she drops off completely so it’s tricky.

[Tomblebee]

Have you considered writing a letter in the post?

[waynecollins]

I’ve written several

[waynecollins]

Things ended between her and I. She said she had a letter for me she was working on but I never got to see it. Sadly

[Tomblebee]

That's too bad. I hope things aren't hostile between the two of ya's considering you work together and all.

[waynecollins]

Yea I keep it professional and we don’t work too closely together. I’ve given her space but ran into each other a few times. I was able to see the toll things have taken on her. She unfollowed then blocked me on all social media.

[waynecollins]

I’ll always love her tho. She was my first true love. It just sadly things didn’t go as we wanted it to.

[Tomblebee]

How did you cope with the whole textrovert situation? Wasn't it hard when she didn't like being face to face?

[waynecollins]

Well she recently reached out to me asking if this was how I was going to end things in our relationship. It was a manipulative move that I knew was coming but we agreed to meet and we talked a lot and put everything out on the table. We came to agreements and such so I will see where it goes. She didn't want to be face to face but we did and it helped a lot more then text messaging.

[Tomblebee]

Thats good!!! And good luck to you

[waynecollins]

Thank you!

[Mexicoman101]

I don't really understand why it has to be a binary situation. Different personalities call for different tendencies towards initiating conversation. However in general men are the dominant sex & women tend towards being receptive to that than in engaging with conversation themselves. Its sometimes a matter of proving oneself in their relevancy to the womans' life. However, just because that's the tendency doesn't mean we gotta be interpreting it as some kind of obligation, it shouldn't be framed as like '50/50' or 'men should initiate'.

[hahahmm]

If you start contact 100% of the time, I would argue that you are not in a relationship. You just think that you are...

Unless you are acting super needy and contacting them every 10 minutes because then you never give them time to contact you first. But that behavior would turn most people off.

[waynecollins]

Well said. I have been one to always reach out. I’d like to say 90% of the time. I feel as if little effort was made on her part. We haven’t spoke in over a week and I was the last one to message her and she chooses to not respond and deleted me off social media

[Tomblebee]

@waynecollins maybe she just got used to you're way of communicating and when you stopped out of the blue thought you didn't want to talk to her anymore? Had you mentioned you felt like you were putting in all the effort and that you would rather she initiated more conversation so you don't feel like you're the only one who wanted to talk? She might be waiting for you to talk to her. Also with the whole, preferring to text than meet face to face thing, that sounds like a pretty big problem for a relationship long term.

[waynecollins]

I have many times. N things always end up this way. But she’s always the one to go ghost and I have to reach out. If I dont she gets upset. It’s a lose lose.

Yeah I’m a face to face person

[AmandaYVR]

Well I'm happy about the poll results here, but I doubt the women are really committed to this idea.

The Personal and Societal Benefits of Girls Taking the Initiative With Guys in Relationships

[jennifer_bloom]

I don't like it when guys try to impress me - I want them to be themselves around me. Likewise I hate impressing guys - I don't dress up when I meet people I'm interested in and I don't pretend to be smarter or richer or anything else.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend initiates the first convo of the day but I always respond right away and keep the convo going and initiate other convos throughout the day. But if it was like 4pm and I didn't hear from him all day I'd probably contact him to see what's going on that he couldn't text me 😅

[waynecollins]

Interesting this is how I think it should be. I haven’t heard from my lady for a week now and we work together

[Opinion Owner]

How long have you guys been dating? I think it's time to have a talk and figure things out

[waynecollins]

Just under a year. She is one not to want to address any issues and likes to text rather then deal with things face to face. Also avoids face to face conversations so it’s hard. I don’t know what to do. We’ve been here many times where she does this but this is the first time I’ve gone quite because I don’t want to feed into someone who treats me like an option

[Opinion Owner]

You should text her saying, you guys need to meet up and figure things out. If she doesn't answer, or refuses, you have your answer and she doesn't think the relationship is worth saving.

[waynecollins]

In the past she never has wanted to meet up or make time. I always felt like we meet and talk when she wants to. You’re right I feel if the relationship did truly matter and she respected it as such she would of reached out by now

[LoveableBreak]

Did you confront her about it? Tell her how it’s bothering you that she dosent put much into the relationship you wouldn’t look clingy but you would look concerned a year in a relationship you have the right to say anything you feel in your heart tell her how it’s pushing you away because she’s not putting her works in. You have to speak up and tell her action speaks louder or you are going to leave her alone for good. sometimes people need warnings and need to know what they are doing wrong before you actually decide to call quits find out what’s going on. If she still act cold politely tell her thank you for her time she did spend with you and wish her the best and move on, trust me babe she’ll miss you. Sometiems when guys don’t show much care the girl will come back running ( some girls) because a girl that really like you, you wouldn’t have to go through this. Sometimes space is good for the other

[TDDMS]

So is it wrong to get upset when you are doing all of the initiating? Why no! When one person is doing all the heavy lifting and the other is just sitting on the side lines, then it's well within reason to get angry. And even to ditch her ass for not being an active participant in dating and relationships. Women who engage in such behavior, I can tell you that in years to come those will be the women we now see online who whine that they can't get a guy to ask them out. Or that they are all alone on the weekend with no man of their own. Such women are bumps on the log and I shed no tears for their situation they have created. And by you leaving such women or not interacting with them, you are telling the world that you have standards and boundaries.

[Amy94x]

I think if you like someone and they like you the conversations will be initiated by both of you.. Waiting for the other person to contact you first is in all honesty immature.. If you want to talk to someone, talk to them.. If you want to know if they're interested in you then ask them, it's not difficult

[waynecollins]

I agree. I would just like to see effort put into communicating. I’m always the first to reach out and try and hold the conversation. It seems to me as I’m a option for her to reply at her conveyance.

[Amy94x]

I completely understand that.. But if you feel that way I honestly think you should ask her outright.. Don't be too in her face or argumentative about it but just ask her if she is in anyway interested.. The worst response you can get is no, and don't get me wrong, that will hurt but at least you can then move on and eventually find someone that is.. Perhaps she just has a lot going on and isn't able to talk at the moment as much as you'd like her to, or maybe something had happened past and she's been hurt.. It could be anything :)

[waynecollins]

Right. I just honestly think our relationship isn’t going to last. I think we are better off on our own because she has a lot going on and I always accepted that. But when you stop trying and can’t take a moment out of your day to just say “I love you” to someone you say you care about especially someone who’s move mountains for you I don’t think it’s worth staying in that relationship.

[Amy94x]

Oh so you're actually in a relationship with her?

[waynecollins]

She also shuts down even when I come at things level and honest. I never could confide in her because things would backfire on me and have me regret saying anything in the first place. But I was always there for her whenever anything was hard.

[waynecollins]

Yes I am. We’ve been together for almost a year. These past few months have been very rocky

[Amy94x]

That's similar to me and my ex.. He's recently split with me tbh and I'm a mess from it.. I think maybe you should give her some space.. A few days, maybe a week.. Believe me I know how difficult it is to do that but after that week if she doesn't make contact maybe speak with her and say to her that you need to talk preferably face to face.. Tell her how you're feeling.. I mean I'm not going to say this won't hurt you or be really difficult but maybe giving her some space to experience how life would be without you it will hopefully make her come to her senses and start to miss you.. If not then the week will then also give you time to prepare for the worst case scenario which is the idea of her maybe not being as interested as she was.. It's the same thing I'm currently doing with my ex.. He told me he needed a break so I'm trying not to contact him which is driving me insane, but I am hoping that at the end of all of this he will begin to miss me and actually come back.

[Amy94x]

A little conversation can go a long way, you'd be surprised.. But if you want her to be the person you fell in love with again then I think maybe giving her some space will help.. It's not easy like I said but it might cause her to miss you and start to wonder what you're doing which will help her to reach out.. Whereas if you're continuously trying to reach out and talk and tell her about things you're doing she won't be able to miss you because you're always there, if that makes sense?

[waynecollins]

I wish I could touch on everything that you said. It’s so weird how similar our struggles are but I get fully what you’re saying. It’s so hard because I want to text her and say something but I have to give it time and space and see if she ever decides to come around. If not then I guess I’ll have my answer as to where we stand in our relationship. It doesn’t make things easier that we work together as well. Not in the same department but cross paths. Anyways thank you for everything you’ve said and all the insight. I part of me wants her to come around and show and try. To not let me be the one always putting in effort but only time will tell. I’ll have to stay silent until then. Thursday will make 1 week since I last messaged her and she spoke.

[waynecollins]

I wish you all the best with your ex and you’ll be provided with the clarity and answers you’re seeking

[Amy94x]

I feel for you.. I know how difficult this can be but I do think that if you do give her some space she will start to miss you.. Maybe it's getting too much for her.. I hope all works out in your favour and if it doesn't then at least you will have your answer, it's not a nice feeling to go through and I know it'll hurt for some time but it will get easier.. And thank you, I really hope we both get what we want :) good luck 🤞

[waynecollins]

I really hope so. I do want her to come back I’m not going to lie about this one. I love her deeply. I hope all works out for you too. We will come out strong no matter what the outcomes may be 🙂

[Amy94x]

Thanks and yea I can tell you love her.. You just gotta think, regardless of what happens, you will know, and sometimes not knowing causes more pain than the truth :)

[Anonymous]

I actually quite enjoy initiating conversation first and having it 50/50 , but I do admit it makes it a little bit easier on the girls when the guy initiated conversation because it makes the girl feel like she knows the guy feels because he wants to talk to her. And makes the guy look confident.

[waynecollins]

But I have to say from a guys perspective it shows that he’s on her mind and she misses him. If he always reaches out he feels like he’s not missed enough for her to reach out

[SirRexington]

I wish women would do it more often. But lately its confusing.

Women want men to be the ones to start the conversation or to initiate it but then that's considered unwanted sexual harassment. So it's getting difficult to tell what is right and acceptable.

[mermaid175]

It should be a balance representative of how talkative each individual is. It could be 50/50, it could be 30/70. But it's not all on one person

[AzureGirl]

It should be just whoever wants to talk to the other to initiate a conversation. It shouldn’t matter what gender.

[waynecollins]

I have always been the one to reach out and it was very rarely that she did. It made me feel as if she didn’t want to talk and would sometimes just read my messages and never respond. Then would get upset when I didn’t message her the following day.

[Chantel77]

Fifty fifty, it's just talking and nothing to be scared of

[Anonymous]

Depends how established the relationship is though, she might want to test his level of interest initially.

[waynecollins]

We have been together for almost a year

[Opinion Owner]

Then yeah I'd go with 50/50 ideally. You should bring it up to her casually if it's bothering you.

[waynecollins]

I have many times. At first she was always reaching out making so much effort. Over the past few months she’s just been having dry conversations and distant notnreallt trying. Saying she’s busy. Just excuses. So I messaged her almost a week ago she just read the message and I left the ball in her court and now it’s been 2 weeks since we talked.

[Opinion Owner]

Ahh sorry mate, that doesn't sound good but at least you've tried.

[waynecollins]

Yeah. It just sucks. Communication is key

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely is. Maybe you can get her to open up about what the real issue is

[waynecollins]

I’ve tried and it just always go back to us not talking. This is the longest we haven’t. She’s been one to try to open up and she’s mad great advances but now day to say conversations don’t happen or last because she just stops talking

[waynecollins]

I’m always pushing but I’m tired at this point and feel she should put in effort and communicate

[Opinion Owner]

So you've talked about your relationship and if you want to be together? If so I suppose you just have to decide whether to bother with her or not anymore then.

[waynecollins]

Yes. Friends and family say move on me I went to stay but it’s starting to feel in my heart I might have to be prepared to let her go

[Opinion Owner]

Well your family have your best interests at heart I'm sure. Tbh it doesn't sound like she's mature enough to be in s relationship if she can't outright talk to you about current problems or directly end things.

[winterfox10]

Ideally it would be 50-50. I like to let the woman initiate the starting basic contact and then I use her behavior to determine my own.

[KevonO]

Guy should... chances are that is the last time he will be able to get a word in... once a woman gets going... just be a good boy, shut up, nod your head yes and pretend you're listening

[Tomblebee]

I'm sure that will work just fine...

[KevonO]

See... yes you are right, can I get you anything dear? A glass of wine maybe your slippers?

[LoveableBreak]

Hahaha good one

[Tomblebee]

I don't understand what you're saying. *Nodding whilst pretending listening* That's just great, i'm so glad you're going to do that because i was so worried i wouldn't have time. Then what?

[Lilith_Rolling]

Both should do it. I one told my father that I would be the one to propose. There is no difference.

[Naydyonov]

If I have to do it everything then I'm ditching the bitch

[Anonymous]

Women should sit in the corner quietly and listen to the men converse, occasionally nodding in agreement.

[PillowThief]

Ideally it should be 50/50. Equality and all that!

[John__]

I think 60% 40% is acceptable

[Tomblebee]

With that skew being in either direction?

[Jaximus-Lion]

the one who is interested should make the move

[Revolver_]

Yes, woman should always make the move