Should men always initiate conversation or should the woman or 50/50?

Is it wrong to get upset when you’re always the one reaching out and the relationship feels one sided?

  • Yes , men should make the move
    Vote A
  • Yes , woman should always make the move
    Vote B
  • No, men shouldn’t always make the move
    Vote C
  • No, woman shouldn’t always make the move
    Vote D
  • It should be 50/50
    Vote E
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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you start contact 100% of the time, I would argue that you are not in a relationship. You just think that you are...

    Unless you are acting super needy and contacting them every 10 minutes because then you never give them time to contact you first. But that behavior would turn most people off.

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    • Well said. I have been one to always reach out. I’d like to say 90% of the time. I feel as if little effort was made on her part. We haven’t spoke in over a week and I was the last one to message her and she chooses to not respond and deleted me off social media

    • @waynecollins maybe she just got used to you're way of communicating and when you stopped out of the blue thought you didn't want to talk to her anymore? Had you mentioned you felt like you were putting in all the effort and that you would rather she initiated more conversation so you don't feel like you're the only one who wanted to talk? She might be waiting for you to talk to her. Also with the whole, preferring to text than meet face to face thing, that sounds like a pretty big problem for a relationship long term.

    • I have many times. N things always end up this way. But she’s always the one to go ghost and I have to reach out. If I dont she gets upset. It’s a lose lose.

      Yeah I’m a face to face person

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What Girls Said 14

  • I think if you like someone and they like you the conversations will be initiated by both of you.. Waiting for the other person to contact you first is in all honesty immature.. If you want to talk to someone, talk to them.. If you want to know if they're interested in you then ask them, it's not difficult

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    • I agree. I would just like to see effort put into communicating. I’m always the first to reach out and try and hold the conversation. It seems to me as I’m a option for her to reply at her conveyance.

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    • I really hope so. I do want her to come back I’m not going to lie about this one. I love her deeply. I hope all works out for you too. We will come out strong no matter what the outcomes may be 🙂

    • Thanks and yea I can tell you love her.. You just gotta think, regardless of what happens, you will know, and sometimes not knowing causes more pain than the truth :)

  • I feel as though whoever is always/consistently/mostly initiating would find it difficult to gauge whether or not the other person is interested, and as the person on the receiving end of most initiated conversations how would you go about politely addressing that you'd rather they hadn't started talking; or on the other hand that, hey thanks, this is cool?

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    • Right exactly what I’m feeling and thinking at the moment

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    • Thats good!!! And good luck to you

    • Thank you!

  • I don't like it when guys try to impress me - I want them to be themselves around me. Likewise I hate impressing guys - I don't dress up when I meet people I'm interested in and I don't pretend to be smarter or richer or anything else.

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  • In truth it should be whenever both you and that person feels like it. Instead of assuming that person doesn't want to bother with you, why don't you just personally ask that person how come they hardly speak or say certain things? 9/10x, a lot of people don't initiate conversations because they don't want it feel judge for the opinions and being themselves. If they're not ready to open up in a conversation try to relax and don't push them. Let that person know you're there for them if you truly mean it. You have to build a safe environment in order for a person to let loose of who they are. The wrong reaction to do is to get upset. No amount of anger and frustration is going to make a person open up.

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  • It should be a balance representative of how talkative each individual is. It could be 50/50, it could be 30/70. But it's not all on one person

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  • It should be just whoever wants to talk to the other to initiate a conversation. It shouldn’t matter what gender.

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    • I have always been the one to reach out and it was very rarely that she did. It made me feel as if she didn’t want to talk and would sometimes just read my messages and never respond. Then would get upset when I didn’t message her the following day.

  • Both should do it. I one told my father that I would be the one to propose. There is no difference.

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  • Fifty fifty, it's just talking and nothing to be scared of

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  • Both should do it.

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  • I don't know depends on the type of person.

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  • I’ve been in a relationship with a guy friend for 4 months. I initiated contact first, he’s 8 years older at first it was sort of like back and forth then it started just being me and we basically never had ending conversation for about 3 months until he leave me on read then I’ll give him space for 3/4 days. I don’t care about contacting first most of the time but when a guy will read my text and not say anything I do not continue the conversation it’s like what ever. Anyways, reason being I never ever did this but sometimes your pride leaves when you really care about a person and be there for them I was a girl who aloud guys to message first but now I learned it’s 50/50 But at the beginning I let the guy do the work to see his level of interest. The reason I always texted my guy first is because he has insecurities within himself and social/confidence problems he also has anxiety and depression so when I text first he’s happy lately... it’s been hell and you will feel hurt after putting all of it in if you do about 68% of your part. It gets tiring I am a confident girl and I honestly think it should be 50/50 it gets hurtful when one person always contact first but communication is key!

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  • I actually quite enjoy initiating conversation first and having it 50/50 , but I do admit it makes it a little bit easier on the girls when the guy initiated conversation because it makes the girl feel like she knows the guy feels because he wants to talk to her. And makes the guy look confident.

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    • But I have to say from a guys perspective it shows that he’s on her mind and she misses him. If he always reaches out he feels like he’s not missed enough for her to reach out

  • Depends how established the relationship is though, she might want to test his level of interest initially.

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    • We have been together for almost a year

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    • Yes. Friends and family say move on me I went to stay but it’s starting to feel in my heart I might have to be prepared to let her go

    • Well your family have your best interests at heart I'm sure. Tbh it doesn't sound like she's mature enough to be in s relationship if she can't outright talk to you about current problems or directly end things.

  • My boyfriend initiates the first convo of the day but I always respond right away and keep the convo going and initiate other convos throughout the day. But if it was like 4pm and I didn't hear from him all day I'd probably contact him to see what's going on that he couldn't text me 😅

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    • Interesting this is how I think it should be. I haven’t heard from my lady for a week now and we work together

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    • In the past she never has wanted to meet up or make time. I always felt like we meet and talk when she wants to. You’re right I feel if the relationship did truly matter and she respected it as such she would of reached out by now

    • Did you confront her about it? Tell her how it’s bothering you that she dosent put much into the relationship you wouldn’t look clingy but you would look concerned a year in a relationship you have the right to say anything you feel in your heart tell her how it’s pushing you away because she’s not putting her works in. You have to speak up and tell her action speaks louder or you are going to leave her alone for good. sometimes people need warnings and need to know what they are doing wrong before you actually decide to call quits find out what’s going on. If she still act cold politely tell her thank you for her time she did spend with you and wish her the best and move on, trust me babe she’ll miss you. Sometiems when guys don’t show much care the girl will come back running ( some girls) because a girl that really like you, you wouldn’t have to go through this. Sometimes space is good for the other

What Guys Said 14

  • I wish women would do it more often. But lately its confusing.

    Women want men to be the ones to start the conversation or to initiate it but then that's considered unwanted sexual harassment. So it's getting difficult to tell what is right and acceptable.

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  • Most people think it should be 50/50, yet it is not 50/50

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  • Guy should... chances are that is the last time he will be able to get a word in... once a woman gets going... just be a good boy, shut up, nod your head yes and pretend you're listening

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    • I'm sure that will work just fine...

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    • Hahaha good one

    • I don't understand what you're saying. *Nodding whilst pretending listening* That's just great, i'm so glad you're going to do that because i was so worried i wouldn't have time. Then what?

  • Ideally it would be 50-50. I like to let the woman initiate the starting basic contact and then I use her behavior to determine my own.

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  • I don't really understand why it has to be a binary situation. Different personalities call for different tendencies towards initiating conversation. However in general men are the dominant sex & women tend towards being receptive to that than in engaging with conversation themselves. Its sometimes a matter of proving oneself in their relevancy to the womans' life. However, just because that's the tendency doesn't mean we gotta be interpreting it as some kind of obligation, it shouldn't be framed as like '50/50' or 'men should initiate'.

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  • If I have to do it everything then I'm ditching the bitch

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  • Ideally it should be 50/50. Equality and all that!

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  • I think 60% 40% is acceptable

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  • Both should do it.

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  • the one who is interested should make the move

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  • Yes, woman should always make the move

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  • It should be 50/50 in relationships.

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  • Yes , woman should always make the move

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  • Women should sit in the corner quietly and listen to the men converse, occasionally nodding in agreement.

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