Is it ok for my boyfriend to break up with me because I asked for a break?

[Anonymous]

I and my boyfriend have been feeling emotionally distant so I brought up the topic and wekinda talked abit about it. Afterwards i asked if we could take break but instead he broke up with me in the name of he doesn't do breaks. I tried speaking but he didn't even give me the chance and said I was playing victim. I am In shock and so confused but then I'm calm. What do I do?

[Guy13]

There you go. It sounds like you both agree. Take some time and see what he does. This is a great opportunity to see what his relational priorities are...

[Asker]

Do I apologise for asking for a break? He said I should not contact him that he'd delete my number ad block me on social handles

[Truthatanycost]

This is the correct response and one I recommend all men follow.

[Asker]

So u would break up with ur girl knowing fully well that things are really bad for her and u both agree u guys are drifting apart. No wonder men re scum. Omo its gonna b hard to find a good man. Everyone says good men are dead. The same individual that broke up with me had it hard at one point emotionally and told me to leave but I never did I fucking stayed but because of reasons known to both he and I suggested a break and u say u would expect every man to do that. There's problem somewhere really

[Truthatanycost]

If you are both drifting apart (and it's not changing), are incompatible, aren't working out and the relationship is toxic then it should end. Staying when it's not working and is toxic is the real issue. And bear in mind that in many cases, when a woman asks for a break she just goes away to mess around with another man to 'test the waters' and then comes back. Any man allowing a break is potentially placing himself at risk of disease and other potential issues.

If you take a break and then come back, nothing has changed either and you will simply repeat the same dysfunction.

[Asker]

But that wasn't my plan I've never cheated on him and I'll not. Taking break to me was more or less spacing him cause my emotional and mental health is really bad and he doesn't know how to help and i don't know how to teach him to help cause I myself I'm tried of myself. Him breaking up with me just immediately was not right at all. I guess u are right we're forcing things to work so I better I accept this. We've broken up several times and then we'd come back. At some point I'd tell him the rate we were always having issues wasn't good. Yes couples fight but not like this. We tried fixing things and I gave several chances even after being cheated on. I guess I didn't want to give up. I feel at some point I started getting used to the toxicity and I started thinking that I could just stay and whatever happens should I couldn't just bear anything anymore nd even if I was happy or not ill just stay put. Now today I'm the one who got dumped😊. Men re not worth it really I might as well just be gay. I know I need therapy but I don't think I deserve the whole stress and pain. I'm even begin to have suicidal thoughts not only because of this but my whole existence I'm totally tired of it all.

[Truthatanycost]

As I suspected it was all toxic and you were trying to keep the toxicity in your life. Think about it. Why continue drinking poison?

You say you need therapy, but sometimes we just need to remember what we are, where we came from, and why we are here. Look at one of your hands... how did it come about? You've forgotten your spirit and have been so focused on this external person and toxicity. If you are tired of yourself then you've forgotten we are walking miracles destined to create and build something remarkable.

This break / breakup will be whatever you make it. For example. One woman may use a breakup as a way of spiraling out of control, drinking in excess and going deep into despair. But another woman may use it to truly find herself, get healthier, help others, learn, grow and get closer to her spiritual side.

[Asker]

I just want to find myself. I was so dependent on him for everything. I had a bad childhood and I'm still in it. Its beyond my control. i wanna be me again I wNna find me. I'm still searching. He was like... I don't know how to explain but I just wanted a reason to live. my home is already toxic enough. I'm going through a lot and I don't know how to put it together

[Truthatanycost]

Then all of the time you were dependent on him, you were prolonging the issues. He was a distraction that keeps you were you are.

Often we look at everything we need to fix all at once. Simplify and just focus on one area at a time. Also, sometimes when we change, those around us change too. Thus we begin with the things we can change.

[Asker]

So whats ur advice. That u move on yeah? Or I wait on him?

[Truthatanycost]

If you wait for him and continue, then you will just repeat the same cycle of dysfunction, codependency and you will likely remain where you are. Thus moving on is healthier.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot I appreciate

[Asker]

Hey just wanted to let u know that after 2 days of breaking up with me he's calling. But oh well I didn't pick. I really want to know why he did what he did but I guess its best I just go away he already dumped me soooo. What do u think though?

[Truthatanycost]

He's just repeating the same dysfunctional pattern. Answering will just ensure the same is repeated and you will never move forward. Thus you either choose to remain in the same familiar toxicity, or you choose to be free of it and make a fresh start with a focus on real healing.

[Asker]

Thanks

[melanieeeB]

Move on, I would have also broken up... asking for a break is in my eyes another way to say that this relationship is coming to an end

[milkov]

You asked for a break but he broke up with you 💀 was he being for real?

[Asker]

Yeah. He said I shouldn't contact him and that he'd delete my number. I even called him and he didn't give me a chance to speak. I had to text yettt...

[milkov]

that's really absurd. He's quick to act on it, so maybe that's what he have always wanted to do.. there's not even a proper break up talk. How long are you two dating?

[Asker]

By March we'd be 2 years

[Asker]

I was shocked too when he called nd stated wht he wanted to and ended the call maybe he's found someone better

[milkov]

That's plenty of days already. And he just broke up with you like that.. you two need to talk maybe ask him the real reason why he chose to break up

[milkov]

You need to find out the truth, at least. You deserve to know the truth

[Asker]

Hmmm ok. So I should still call him? Though we started having lots of problem in the second half of our dating live we started fighting a lot. a lot of toxic things took place and we'd break up but then come back. But here we are again

[milkov]

It's okay if you won't call him, it's for your mental health after all.

Oh no that's really toxic. Maybe the complications are a sign you aren't meant for each other. The way he broke up directly is even more of a reason. If a man is truly in love with you, he won't ever let you go, not a break up. Yes, a break but not a break up.

I guess you don't deserve that man. And you don't deserve to be treated that way

[Asker]

Thanks a lot. I don't really have a good mental and emotional health. I feel I'm part of the problem we've trying to make things work but oh well

[Asker]

He says to him a brek means a break up hediesnt even like the idea of space

[milkov]

You've done enough. And give your mental health a break, away from toxicity.

[Asker]

U think so? So I should just watch or I should try calling again to talk

[milkov]

Neither. Try to enjoy yourself and keep yourself busy

[Asker]

Thanks u helped alot🥰❤️

[HighValue]

A "break" is usually an excuse for someone to try dating another person and they just want their partner to wait around as a backup plan in case they don't get someone that they really want.

I'd leave someone too if they asked for a break.

[Asker]

I don't believe that. Some people genuinely need a break to clear their head and think things through. Imagine being an hsp yet u lack space or privacy in ur relationship

[Orion76]

Yes he probably took it as a break up I honestly will too, another term for it is “I need some space” aka breakup or worse. If you genuinely did not mean a break up and even he isn’t giving you a chance send a text or an email find a way to explain what you meant and apologize if you need to, it doesn’t matter if it’s your fault, If he won’t hear you out then don’t waste your time on anyone who’s is not willing to forgive.

[Asker]

He doesn't believe in space or breaks so I should die if I can't breathe in the relationship. Nigga didn't even ask why I asked for a break he just broke up with me nd said he'd block me. If he cared he could ask at least before breaking up with me. Like I don't even understand. A break to me is more less like having time for myself just to think things through not going out with another guy or something

[Orion76]

You got a pint there i would would want to know why.

[Asker]

Yup. So I don't know what to do I'm planning on staying on my own and I'll block his number too

[LazerBean]

Yeah, he correctly saw that you two were not working and chose to stop wasting time.

[Asker]

U think so. This is not the first time we're breaking up

[LazerBean]

I do think so, doing the same thing repeatedly tends to have the same outcome every time.

[Asker]

Hmmm. Its gonna hard really I'm still in shock but oh well

[inhua]

there's a reason why people don't take "breaks" during marriages

[Asker]

Hmmm but this isn't marriage... wait sef u rather go on a break up than break

[inhua]

a committed relationship is a committed relationship. the "break" breaks that commitment

[Asker]

And then what if u guys have fight every now and then

[inhua]

then you learn to communicate and come to an understanding even in disagreements

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Text him and tell him when he is ready you'd be willing to talk things over with him.

[Asker]

I don't wanna look like I'm forcing him back to me. If he's serious I might as well keep myself busy

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Asker Yeah, that sounds like a plan and hope it works for you.

[Asker]

Yeah thanks

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Asker You're Welcome !!!

[dudeinohio]

You move on. I don't believe in breaks either. Breaks are proof you cannot sustain a committed relationship. He's gone. It's totally ok for him to terminate the relationship.

[bamesjond0069]

"Taking a break" is offensive. Any confident man is just going to think you're trash for suggesting it and probably dump you. If you didn't know, now you do.

[Fireguy17]

move on to find someone that you will not have to take a break from.

[Anonymous]

It's okay for him to do anything you wants. Same goes for you. You got the break you were asking for, it's just permanent now lol

[Anonymous]

Smart ex boyfriend. I advise to do the same and not waste more time on girls, who won't commit.

[Asker]

I've been with this guy for almost years. Dont just conclude. Just give reasonable opinion rather than assuming. He should be the one u advice on being committed cause he's done more than asking for a break. Someone that has hurt more than anything. Someone that cheated on me someone that made me feel less of I am. I choose to forgive. He could have asked why instead of breaking up immediately. Mtchwwww

[Opinion Owner]

You should have said so.

Why have you clung to him?

[Asker]

You should have asked
He would apologise and say would should try nd work things out and I always come back cause I love him. I hate to even say I love him.

[Asker]

He too had a low time in his life and asked for me to leave but I never did and now that I'm down and I'm just asking for a break He breaks up with me. Wow

[Opinion Owner]

Asked. What am i, a mindreader?
This looks like you Cling to toxic love rather than letting go. Check with your protective instincts and decide what hurts less ( both long and short term) and go with that.

[Asker]

Thanks for ur advice. I understand u are not a mind reader

[msc545]

Asking for a break is the same thing as breaking up.

[Asker]

No it is not

[msc545]

In many cases it is. You've seen now what the effect of asking for a break can do to a relationship. This is not an unusual response to being asked for a break in my experience.

[Keishio]

He's allowed to break up with you without reason if he chooses too so yeah