How do I overcome my fear of relationships? I’m scared of being with someone who abuses me or ends up changing me?

[Anonymous]

[WonderBell99]

Well, believe it or not, every relationship you have, either platonic or romantic, will end up changing you somehow. You cannot always expect to remain the same way forever. People change, circumstances change and even the kind of relationship you have with a person changes as time goes on.

First things first, you have to find out the root cause of your fear. Is it irrational? Or is it because of a past experience/trauma? Have you or anyone close to you, say your parent (s) or close friend/relative been in an abusive relationship? If so, it would be much more productive to sort this out in therapy, and a professional can guide you through this and give some tips on how to form meaningful relationships. My relationship with my mother, and everyone else is much better after going to therapy.

You cannot expect to overcome this fear in one day. It's a process. You have to get rid of this mindset that all men are abusive or bad, this could actually lead to a strain in a potential relationship. How many relationships have you been in so far? How did you feel and how did your partner (s) treat you when you were dating them?

Go on dates with different people, get to know them. I'm not asking you to trust everyone blindly because trust takes time, but just have a conversation with them and see where it goes. Do not go on dates for the sole purpose of finding a relationship. I feel like you would be much more comfortable if you build a friendship first.

[Asker]

I have had a few abusive relationship, psychically and emotionally. And honestly for years I really worked on myself - lost a ton of weight and have gorgeous hair, a great job, friends, hobbies everything someone could ask for. I’m caring and do things for others, etc. It doesn’t seem to matter how great everything is going I can’t seem to get a guy really into me and want a relationship. I get a lot of dates and interest but nothing more. I don’t think I’m doing something to wear guys just don’t like me at all, but there’s something holding it back from going forward.
I’ve only been in 2, ever. And both lasted less than 6 months. My ex never did anything nice for me and criticized my weight and career, stared at other women. Another few guys talk about women who they think are so hot but that I’m just so-so looking.
Another time I was sexually assaulted and another time choked and sexually harassed by a coworker. I also live in a city with a lot of crazy people.

[Blackcupcake]

expecting for every man you date to abuse you is a very unhealthy way of thinking… you need to work on that before ever pursuing any relationship

[In_Trance]

Everyone you ever meet changes you; that's completely irrational

[Guy13]

Perhaps, you should visit a counselor