Why did my boyfriend tell me we don’t hangout much anymore due to him not getting any benefit from it?

[Anonymous]

we have been together for 9 years and he told me we don’t hangout much bc he doesn’t get any benefit from doing so. he much rather hangout with his friends bc they don’t have an attitude or complain or nag.

[DaveJord]

Well, I think he gave you the answer to your question. Whatever benefit he did get from the relationship isn't enough to put up with all the hassle he seems to think you are causing him.

Now I am not getting into all semantics of if you think you are doing what he seems to think it is. But was married 22 years, and around about year 15 I was feed up with my ex-wife's complaints, picking at, and over all seemingly endless wants and needs... she refused to be satisfied or just in general happy in life. No matter what it was I did, she never was satisfied happy or grateful and she seemed to develop this since of entitlement as if I continuously owed her more and more.

So, now she is my ex-wife and honestly, I have never been happier. If you truly think you have a good man, then you need to treat him how he feels he deserves to be treated. If you think you are not getting what you deserve or need then you need to do what whatever it is, you feel you need to do. But if you want this man, then listen to what he is saying and take it to heart.

Because in my situation, in the end... my ex-wife thought she deserved better from me, but she failed to realize that whatever she thought her value was... it was too high of price for me to want to pay. Bottom line being she was not worth it, to me. She was not willing to make changes, compromise, or value what my needs and wants were. So, she put more value on herself then on me, and she was not anywhere worth what she thought she was worth.

Since then, I have done so much better for myself and my quality of life has increased 10-fold without her, and I have no idea how life after me is for her... but I don't even care.

So, listen to my story, because you man might be telling you the same things, but you may not be listening to him. Love is not forever; it requires lots of work and effort and you have to be willing to make sacrifices.

[Asker]

i agree with you there, however he hasn’t always been nice to me at all. he used to follow and like so many bikini and booty pictures on instagram. he saved girls pictures, he DMed a bunch complimenting them. he was rude to me on the phone when he was drunk and with his friends. that’s the picture i have of him in my head. he was changed supposedly but I don't know if i believe in this forever. he was not nice at all and when i begged him to stop he would tell me no bc it’s his instagram and he could do what he wants. i know i should trust in him but his old self lives in my head and heart. so whenever he is nice to me, im mean to him bc it’s myself protecting my heart from him returning back to be rude.

[DaveJord]

So, after hearing all of that... let me say this to you as a person who has been a victim of a controlling and manipulative toxic person, that resulted in one of the most toxic types of co-dependent relationships...

You may not want to hear it, but you got nobody to blame but yourself, this guy has been telling through his actions what value he has placed on you in his life... and you put up with it and allowed it, probally even enabled and now you still expect him change in some way... why? Maybe its you that needs to change.

Trust me I know from firsthand experience and trust me when I say you deserve better, and you should demand more of yourself first and less of him because he is not worthy of someone like you.

I say this, because unless you put great value on yourself first, then you can't expect others to value you. This guy is who he is, and he has shown you that numerous times, but it's you that allows it to continue.

Yes, he is a jerk, asshole, mental abuser, manipulator you name it, and you are probably right. But you are still with this guy and still trying... start to ask yourself why that is? Until you are honest with yourself first, there is nothing more I can say. Other then I have been there done that, myself.

I am happier than I have ever been in life, and it all started by ending that marriage.

[Miristheiss]

It sounds like he is taking a passive aggressive approach to tell you that you aren't being fun to be around. You aren't being easy going and pleasant but it sounds like you complain all the time, you always nag and are in a bad mood and you don't have a fun side with him anymore.

His friends are fun and easy going and make him laugh. You probably did too at one point but apparently that side of you went away or you share that side with your friends and give him the endless critical, naggy, miserable side.

[Guy13]

I have been there too. Sometimes the woman is too much…before and after sex is nonstop with emotion, critiquing, and nagging.
Chilling 😎 with the guys is more relaxing…

[Asker]

what do you think about just hanging out at the house, that’s all we do. we never go out on dates

[Guy13]

I would not tolerate it myself. Everyone is different. There has to be something at least every two weeks.

[Asker]

nope, at least every three months maybe even more

[Guy13]

alright-best with it all.

[oseveno]

hm, he sounds terrible. you should leave his ass and find a better man. or communicate your feelings with him, try and make things work out.

[Hardworkingguy]

Well I suppose there's a possibility he said that because you have been together for 9 years and you still haven't gotten married it seems kind of strange so perhaps he doesn't see the relationship going anywhere

[In_Trance]

Because he wanted you to know that you don't hang out much anymore due to him not getting any benefit from it