How can someone be so thoughtful, nice, put you first, care for you then turn everything off?

[Beccaasaar]

How can someone be so sweet. Do everything with you, listen to you, put you first, push you to be a better person, been there for you, then when u jump into a relationship with them they want to l control you, they want you to not be you, or have a life, be with your friends do things you wanna do that makes you happy because it makes your selfish, and just shuts off his feelings, has no remorse of calling you names, isn't the same person he was?

[PimpDaddyBones]

-"Narcissistic red flag spotted sir! Starboard Six Thousand meters. Speed Six. Deviation Six ticks South. Shall we continue with relationship progression in the spirit of them seeing we mean no harm?"

-"Negative! Conduct Evasive maneuver G. T. F. O. ! Don't even bound a rearguard! It will encourage them to persue if they see you look back! "

--"Understood! GTFO evasion commencing! ... Interrogative sir... and if they don't let us go peacefully? Sir?"

-"Do not engage with return or any cover fire... use your nukes, full salvo , danger close, no hesitation. Make a scene and that will get the attention of our allies and if they see the confrontation they will have to respond which the Narcissist contingent doesn't have the numbers to defend against. If they are smart they will ignore you rather than cause an international incident. Whatever you do though Don't mix it up with them and enter friendly relationships with them. Before you know it they will have indoctrinated you into their organizations and we will not recognize you as friendly any more. You will be deemed 'Turned Spy' and listed as MIA. I repeat... WE WILL TREAT YOU LIKE THE ENEMY AND YOU WILL BE TREATED THE SAME AS AN ENEMY..."

Why would your family treat you like the enemy if your with a control freak narc? They won't. Here's the point of the above. You read it as thou you were still approaching the relationship. I wrote it from the view of your already broken and brainwashed or gaslit into treating your family and loved ones as the enemy dispite their attempts to save you from the controller. YOU WILL THINK AND ACT THIS WAY. Finally when you are no longer amusing to you they will walk away from you at the height orlf your affection to them or at the lowest neediest desperate for their gracez point. You will be a broken shell. If this is the case in a first hand victim of this type of relationship. it starts nice... end really ugly. Good Luck. I mean it.

[Finchie40]

Because they aren’t feeling the same from you , they feel like they are constantly giving without receiving , even though it seemed like they were trying to control you , really they weren’t , they were just trying to get you to be on the same page as them , For love to grow between 2 people , you both have to remove selfishness for each other , you have to make each other your top priority , whether you agree with them or not you should wear there shoes before wearing your own., No relationship is perfect , everyone has selfishness in them , every one has some sort of insecurity in them , instead of feeling like your partner is trying to control you , think to yourself what might be making them feel this way? 99 percent of the time it’s not what we assume it to be so instead of attacking them and thinking to yourself that they are just insecure and don’t trust me , put yourself in their shoes and think how you would feel if your partner was doing those things to you? Most people don’t grasp this concept and then they wonder why they constantly have failed relationships , it’s because most people don’t point the finger at themselves before pointing the finger at someone els , their partner, I am right you are wrong nonsense , and that’s where fire starts to enter a relationship and resentments build , You have to remember being committed to someone you have to give 100 percent it can’t be your way or no way , or it will never work

[Beccaasaar]

That is a great actually fantastic way to look at it thank you so much

[Finchie40]

Trust me , this was something I had to learn as well , I can’t expect someone to love and value me , if I am not doing the same for them , It’s easy for us to assume that our partners don’t have anything to worry about , we just assume that they know we are coming back to them and sadly that is where we are wrong in ourselves , Instead of looking at things from their perspective , we tend to look at things from our own perspective and then we defend ourselves by telling them they are insecure , you don’t trust me When really all they are trying to tell you is to respect them , we want respect from our partners but we have to give back the same in return and that’s where most people get lost thinking it’s their way or no way , Boundaries are set for a reason , if you tell your partner to not do anything anymore because it makes you feel insecure and your partner stops because they love and value you , that means you have to stop as well , none of this it’s ok for me but not ok for you shit it becomes a double standard , and double standards adds fire into a relationship , Relationships are not easy and marriage isn’t as well , we weren’t taught how to properly love someone so when you commit to someone you have to remember you are no longer single , your partner needs to be your top priority or your relationship will not last making you a selfish person because you assume it’s your way or no way , when a relationship turns one sided you better be prepared for it to come to an end because you are only thinking of yourself and you will continue having failed relationships until you finally realize how to remove selfishness inside yourself for your partner and yes they need to do the same as well

[Beccaasaar]

That's a really good way of looking at it, it just really sucks that someone can do everything and give everything to someone to the point where they dont respect you and they also don't see all the good you gave them, only the bad then they call you a selfish person.

[Finchie40]

Did you give back the same in return? Did you make them feel prioritized and loved , did you remove selfishness for him? Did you make him feel wanted like he was the only man you had eyes for? If you did all that for him and he still did what he did , then he is the selfish person only thinking of himself

[Beccaasaar]

I feel that I have, I've helped him with everything like firewood, cleaning his room just stuff in general when it wasn't my house, I left my 9 year relationship and started over with him knowing he was the person I wanted to be with, I gave him all amounts of love that I can think of that I ment but maybe his love is different then mine maybe I didn't give him what he wanted and thats y I can see him calling me selfish, it just sucks cuz deep down I feel that I gave him everything my attention, my personal life, my love and he still tells me I don't give him anything I don't bring anything to this relationship just sex that's it.

[Finchie40]

Question? Did you cheat on your 9 year relationship with him? Meaning did you meet him while you were already in a relationship with someone else

[Beccaasaar]

I did and I didn't hid anything from anyone I straight up told the truth to my 9 year but I didn't meet him when I was already with my 9 year I meet him way before my 9 year relationship and he was my bestfriend that I confided in all the time, and I've always pushed my bestfriend away for 5 years bc it was respect for my 9 years intill the 6th year my relationship fell apart there was no communication between us and my 9 years when u asked him what my hobbies were or anything he didn't know anything you woukd think 9 years known nothing, i felt my 9 years was just in a relationship bc he was in it. But it was wrong of me to keep doing the things i was doing for both, and I had only 2 serious relationships in my life this one and the 9 year, my body count is 2 meaning I'm not a slut or sleep around i take everything very serious (feelings, trust and respect) but I get it it's karma coming back at me. And I'm suffering through all the shit I did.

[Finchie40]

Inbox me ,

[Anonymous]

I have the ability to be this way when I find it necessary, but I have to or I will continue to give... however, the only time I get this way is if my partner is either being self-destructive, taking advantage of me financially while being particularly fiscally irresponsible, or cheating on me.

Some people, however, are just cruel.

[Haha456]

there are good and bad sides to every person.

[Guy13]

Some guys think they hooked and now want to starve you that you loosen up if there has not been significant levels of intimacy. It is flawed thinking.

Some can not handle success because it was too easy so they mishandle you a little bit and toss you back into the lake with the mindset of re-catching you. they like you on edge a little bit all the time... some. Very immature.

Others are straight-up Narcissistic Evil from the get go that rather live off your emotional highs and lows than do the sex/bonding to emotional bonding to relationship groove. Sometimes these guys do follow normal relationship steps only with intent of heightening your tears, fears, and laughter that feed their dead hearts.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

What the hell are you even talking about?

[Guy13]

@WanderingLoveWizard Thanks for your feedback.
People of both Sex seem to understand from response, therefore, you have been blessed never to run into a Female or Male version of any of these.

Sometimes, that means you are ☝️ of these. Sometimes, recognizing oneself can be abruptly, “what the hell are you even talking about” jarring 😎

[caring__1]

It's like a shopaholic. Though the search and chase are exciting, actual ownership tends to be a letdown. You may have been a challenge for him, but it could be he knows nothing about nurturing a relationship once he has it. That's not uncommon. People often expect the partner to put forth all the work to make a relationship special, and, if they do anything, it tends to be controlling the person to fall into their mold.

Learn from the experience. Rather than just live in the moment, when a relationship begins, seek an understanding of how they view their future, your future and the future of the relationship. It's easy to trip up a player when they attempt to be consistent with future plans. You also want to know the specifics that drew that person to you, so you can see if they are realistic or just seeing what they want to see.

[MaazHussain]

It's not uncommon for people to display a different side of themselves when they enter a romantic relationship, and it can be very difficult and confusing when someone who was once sweet and supportive begins to exhibit controlling and abusive behavior.

It's important to remember that no one deserves to be treated with disrespect or abuse, regardless of how kind and supportive that person may have been in the past. It's possible that this person may have underlying issues or insecurities that are causing them to behave in this way, but it's not your responsibility to fix those issues or tolerate mistreatment.

If you are experiencing controlling or abusive behavior in a relationship, it's important to seek help and support. This could include talking to a trusted friend or family member, seeking counseling or therapy, or contacting a domestic violence hotline. Remember that you have the right to make your own decisions, maintain your own interests and friendships, and be treated with respect and kindness in all aspects of your life.

[dynamicyandere]

Sounds like manipulation or faking a persona.


If it’s really who they truly are, that shouldn’t turn off.


My SO says I haven’t changed how well I treat her from the day we met. It’s been 4 years. I can sustain it because I’m not faking anything. I’m simply being me and doing what I do without a second thought.


So if someone suddenly changes like how you described, to me, that means that they have been pretending to be someone they’re not.


It’s a bait and switch.


The same thing has happened to me with women before. They’ve pretended to be everything I’m looking for. Then after dating them, their true colors eventually show. And it doesn’t work out. Because I didn’t fall in love with them, I fell in love with this fake character they created to lure me to them.


It’s always important to be authentic.

[DaySpring]

No, it's called emotion.

[es20490446e]

My latest ex had borderline personality disorder, plus narcissistic personality disorder, and she was just like that.

There are simply people that become overwhelmed by the feelings you get when in a relationship, and they just respond badly.

It doesn't mean they are bad people, they are just emotionally incompetent and reactive. They feel ungrounded emotionally.

If you clearly tell them you don't like that, and they just continue doing the same it simply means that is as far as it gets. They are not capable of having a constructive relationship in the present time, and you must break up.

[es20490446e]

You may easily be with someone who is a masterful manipulator, a person that pictures a fantasy quite well so you do what they want.

Just look at the facts, not what he says he will do.

[es20490446e]

Don't believe shit if facts don't back it up.

[es20490446e]

They will even look quite convinced themselves of what they say, but it doesn't mean that's what's real.

[DaySpring]

No. The reason why anyone does anything is motive. The stronger the motive the more emotion it produces. If some acts out of character or new, it is emotion driving it.

Everyone is diverse or can be if the emotions are there and they aren't well self disciplined.

Yes there is a chance that person has a disorder but if not then it is what I said

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Happens. Nothing strange about that.

You think that everything is going all well, but that is the moment when everything goes haywire. You cannot tell just what went wrong.

But self-reflecting helps a lot. You need to look at your own past behaviour and then his reaction to each and everything. Hopefully you are able to narrow down, at least.

[Orion76]

He has expired, I’m sorry luv but this is how it’s gonna be from now on, in the beginning any guy wants to show the best of him and not necessarily being fake to fool you it’s more like fooling himself he probably wants to be that man but cannot sustain it. You are describing someone who isn’t secure on many levels fell for you but wants to change you, control and isolate you! Life is too short for all that. I wish you the best of luck.

[Valso]

That's the control freaks' MO. First they behave like the perfect man, so that you fall for them and once they're sure they own you, the harassment begins. End such a relationship while you still can. Many women in my country who were beaten by their partners describe the same thing as you and some eventually ended up dead at the hands of the control freak.

[Mansearching]

He's what you thought he was. Cut ties girl. I know its hard. But for your peace of mind you got to.

[katestar89]

Boys are all clueless when they do that. But guys are not scared to be sweet and funny and thoughtful. It's a part of life.

[olmille]

He puts up a fake character until he knows he has you around his little finger.. and after awhile he will show himself for who he truly is. Its awful but thats how some people are🥺

[DaySpring]

Nope.

[In_Trance]

Every action has a reaction.
It must have been something you said or did. Or didn't

[AsaKyo]

It's called "being two-faced" and playing a role until they get what they want, then it is "fuck you"

[Anonymous]

That's men. Most of us have that ability to move on so fast it leaves her wondering if any of it was ever real.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cause their toxic and controlling those are major red flags

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Because you fucked up

[aaron210419]

Common traits of a narcissist

[Agape93]

Malignant narcissism

[Jamie05rhs]

Because it was all fake.

[Wise4myage]

Commitment phobia?

[Tomisworthless]

They realized they were being submissive