I think a lot of people these days don't know what true love even feels like.
Modern dating and accessibility to a wide range of different people has clouded our ability to get close enough to someone to actually love them. Especially younger people who get all their dates on Tinder and social media. They do something wrong, fuck em, I've got 20 more people in my inbox ready to give me a shot, wonderful wonderful ME!
That jittery feeling you get in your gut that feels absolutely amazing when you're around someone? Everything they do is perfect and they make you feel so good about yourself? That's lust and infatuation.
Love isn't nearly as intense. It's a more grounded feeling, if that makes any sense. Like it's just always there in the background.
Sometimes they do things that bug the hell out of you and you wish you could just strangle them! But you'd still die for them in a heart beat and do anything to make THEM happy, not you. That's true love
True man. That's a good way to put it
Modern love is just people realizing the truth that was there all along. There is no such thing as love
False
Opinion
66Opinion
u Love doesn't change. But askng a girl for a first date by sending her a text message is definitely NOT a way to start bulding a connection. Your generation is letting your smart phones erode your lives (in the name of "convenience.")
Indeed. The day i went to the girl's house to ask her out,(we were class mates) met her parents. There was a strong connection not just to her to her family too, i wouldn't dare cheat on her and I'd never use her too. I went there because I wanted to care for her. Unlike now where it's the opposite.
What love as it used to be 🤷🏻ââď¸
I believe true love has always been rare. Whether in the past or the present.
True love is something thatâs serious. Itâs different from just a rush of chemicals in your blood and a feeling of excitement. True love is the kind of love that causes you to take a bullet for your loved one. Itâs something deep. But, it takes 2 people taking their relationship seriously to even get reach that point.
Whatâs happening in the modern world is the booming of hookup culture. In which serious relationships are not even sought after.
With less and less people ready or willing to enter into serious relationships, true love cannot even hope to be found.
It requires depth to grow, like a plant that wonât grow if the soil is too shallow.
There have been shallow relationships, both in the past and the present.
But with the rise of the casual dating scene and hookup culture, shallow relationships increase, deep relationships decrease, and true love which is already hard to find, becomes even harder to find.
I believe in true love. But it needs to be be created and nurtured between people who want to break away from the rest of society, who want to do things differently, who want to seek and create depth in their relationship.
It requires a mutual understanding and desire for it. And when they have it, they wonât be able to relate to much of the world, because they will experience a depth of bond that few can understand.
I believe you're talking about a relationship where a man is caring, protective and trusting. Yes you're right. If the world decides to keep hookup culture. Men will find new skill sets not to get deeply involved in relationships. That'll not end good, because what men commonly does becomes a standard for society.
That just made me think about hypergamy and the 80/20 rule.
If 80% of women want to be desired by the top 20% of men, the top 20% of men need to set the new standards.
If the top 20% of men wanted to only be in healthy, happy, loving marriages with virtuous women who are caring and loyal and nurturing.
Then, if women wanted to be desired by that top 20% of men, then theyâd probably try to become virtuous, caring, loyal, and nurturing women.
But sadly, hookup culture has pervaded so much of the world and itâs indirectly contributing to a mental health crisis.
Promiscuous and shallow women are rewarded with too much male attention and it just perpetuates a cycle of degeneracy.
@dynamicyandere
[But sadly, hookup culture has pervaded so much of the world and itâs indirectly contributing to a mental health crisis.]
yet men can't go past the 3rd date without sex. how comical...
@Haha456 Not all men. I usually have waited until about month 3. And it sounds like youâre talking about those men with double-standards. I donât believe a man should expect women around him to behave like ladies if he doesnât have the self-control and maturity to behave like a gentleman.
@Haha456 But, if weâre talking about a large majority of men out there. Then I see your point in terms of how many men lack self-awareness.
Though the same can be said of many women.
People in general seem to have a lack of self-awareness when they have such high expectations of their romantic partners, yet so low expectations of themselves.
If a man wants a princess, he should be more like a prince.
If a woman wants a prince, she should be more like a princess.
Mediocre men wanting the best women.
Mediocre women wanting the best men.
They need to set high expectations of themselves if they want to attract higher quality suitors.
There is no doubt that social media and technology have had a significant impact on modern relationships. The way we interact, communicate and form relationships has changed dramatically in recent times. While some people may argue that modern love lacks depth or is just a facade, it is important to note that every generation has its own unique challenges when it comes to forming meaningful relationships.
On one hand, social media and dating apps have made it easier for people to connect and find potential partners, but on the other hand, it has also made it harder to form lasting connections. With the rise of online dating and the ability to easily connect with people through social media, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of superficial relationships that lack depth and authenticity.
However, it is important to remember that relationships are what we make of them. It is up to us to put in the effort to form meaningful connections and create lasting relationships, regardless of the influence of technology or social media. While modern love may be different from what it used to be, it is still possible to form genuine connections and experience deep and meaningful relationships.
I think feminism has broken the system. What used to be clearly defined gender roles are NOT anymore. Don't get me wrong I'm not against equality in any way. But it used to be men work and women raise kids. Now men work, women work and don't NEED a man for anything. On top of that they compete with the men for the same livelihood. So this has NOT reduced a woman's expectations for a man. So while a man may have made 50k before now he's competing with a woman for less of a share of the same pie. On top of that not only has she siphoned off those resources. She EXPECTS him to STILL OUTPRODUCE HER. Or she feels he's not holding up his end as a man. So he's expected to produce more with less opportunity. Which anyone with a basic understanding of economics can tell you is not feasible.
So the end result to this is both genders no longer have clear defined roles. Women have never had so many options to pursue whatever makes them happy. And this good for them. But men have no PERMANENT role in woman's life anymore. So men have been relegated to define a new role for themselves. As a result both genders are less happy overall.
I believe that nowadays people are free to be in a relationship with whoever they want, which is good thing. You are also free to leave the relationship if you want to, which is also a good thing. But because of this freedom, the truth came : we are too immature to be ready for a relationship, and I believe nobody will be. When we are in a relationship, we crave our privacy back as much as our childhood. You get sex and you hope to be in a perfect symbiosis. But I believe that's just a dream.
Anyway, don't be a fool and think it was better before. No, it wasn't.
You're right. But i always felt like relationship before internet actually had a purpose and a direction. Now it's just sex and a "I'd find a better one" attitude. I didn't say that a women should be doing housework or anything like that. Just the freedom of today and the direction of the past would give relationship some meaning.
Modern love appears to be a shadow of what it used to be to the older generation of people. I would say 90's kids at the latest.
You either progress as time goes on, physically, mentally and emotionally. Or you find yourself stuck in a tar pit wondering what happened.
With this context, modern love is not what it used to be. To say that it is a shadow of what it used to be, I feel would be an inaccurate statement.
Old fashioned love and modern love are two different things these days.
Men marry other men. Women have more power than ever. People of all genders and sexualities can be thesmelves far more than they use to be able to.
Modern love is not a shadow. It is an evolution.
Involution.
Really?
@katestar89 YES.
Oh. Okay. I'm starting to think that modern love is 100% true.
@katestar89 For me it has only being worries and problems.
Really? Tell me what worries and problems with love?
@katestar89
- Girl 1: narcissistic personality disorder
- Girl 2: medication for bipolarity
- Girl 3: want to have sex with anyone, walks naked into the supermarket
- Girl 4: first day throws a present of someone into dog shit
- Girl 5: after two weeks returns with her ex
- Girl 6: sleeps on a dirty mattress without sheets, the rest of the house is full of pet pee
- Girl 7: clinically depressed
- Girl 8: smokes plenty of weed, wants to live in an abandoned house
Forgot one: after first kiss the reply is that we all men are the same.
Oh. Yeah?
@katestar89 Yes, a big chunk of modern women are fucked up. And the ones that aren't are just too cautious I can't even get to know them.
So fuck the world.
Oh. Are you insulting women?
The concept of men marrying other men, if you actually came across such couple you could find that one of them has much defined feminine characteristics. If i were someone who was attracted to the opposite sex based on character and now that women decided to be like men. The chances for me to find a woman with feminine characteristics is very low. It would've been more high if the internet didn't influence character like it does. Now most women talk the same, act the same and do things the same. Now there is no place in the world for a feminine women, she has to toughen up to survive. Or get insulted by "tougher" women. So yea.
What do you mean by that?
All of it
So basically, i believe the homosexuals are actually there because of our society. Men when repressed and scared to show feelings develop characteristics similar to that of women, emotional thinking etc. And some men having a attraction towards the way someone act and dress up, ends up liking the feminine men. And the feminine men with more emotional thinking just get attracted to the one who cares and shows an attachment to them. So the society where most women are made to toughen up the are less feminine women, and more agressive ones. So when men feel attracted to a woman but she ends up acting agressive, he represses his feelings and sexuality, sexuality might be repressed by family too. That's what happened in old times. And since now women are expected to toughen up in society, they all follow the same pattern commonly followed and that led them to talk, act and think all the same. It's like they read a book and now everyone is going by the book, ignoring their individuality.
@katestar89 I think that a big part of women are useless for having a long term relationship, yes.
Not just a rant, but an honest examination of facts.
I'm straight
@katestar89 And I'm straight and single.
Oh. That's a good thing
@katestar89 For some lady maybe.
That doesn't mean that
@katestar89 Then for what is good?
For hugging my sexy pillow at night?
Well. That's embarrassing moment
@katestar89 Not like that...
I'm looking for a question about my feelings for my crush
@katestar89 Oki.
If people spend a lot of time online, yes, then I think it is. Same goes for any type of relationship.
But just because social media is an option it does not mean people have to live by it. Unfortunately they use techniques to get people hooked and kinda addicted, so one need to be more aware and disciplined not to be controlled too much. Personally I have managed to more or less give it up and I now spend a minimal of time on social media compared to the 'in real life' interactions I get.
There are many people out there who managed to not be controlled in that way. But maybe one need to not look online to find them ;D
Not sure. But from my experience Iâd say with how modern and easy it is to access dates on dating apps like tinder for example, make it accessible. So itâs a lot easier for people to just do the minimum and get the benefits of a relationship without the commitment.
Seems very hard or not common now to meet someone who just wants to hangout and date. Seems to be casual now
I heard you loud and clear
Yes, but the problem with tinder is that the longer you use it and meet people from it, you'll see there's a pattern. It's like they learned before hand. It's more like dating a well skilled person in communication and charm. But seeing someone in real makes your mind sure if you want them to be in your lives or not. And trust me that happens like only once in 4 years or so, but it's well worth it. Seeing images online makes an image on your head of the characters of the other and it's not even their real character. So is the simple convenient way worth it?
Really?
Do you mean as in if they are different in person from what you imagine based on their profile and how they talk online? Iâd be all for trying to date someone face to face that Iâve met in real life than using a dating app.
But if you seem the same people do the same thing online e. g. every match wanting casual when you want to date someone, it gets a bit tedious trying to find someone on the same page. itâs not worth agreeing to casual if you deep down donât want that as it will either only end in heart break or you wonât be fully happy with the situation
This is what I'm talking about. A person never needs a casual relationship, neither one bound for life. Relationship should be something in between casual and bound to life. Something which should've existed Between internet's introduction and old ways of marriage. But somehow we skipped it, and the way it's going i don't think we are ever going to find that balance. It feels like people get into relationships based on their mental state or emotional thinking rather than a relationship. So now to truly understand love it take a whole lot of partners or none at all. Love was supposed to be the way of communication between partners, but now I don't even understand what is.
I agree with you
I agree too. It looks like itâs becoming black and white, and I see that. It should be balanced. Me too, I donât understand what it is too
I'm white
Yeah.
Most people can't differentiate between love and lust. If what you're are feeling wears off then it was definitely lust. Love is a constant growth. If you're easily bored then I would suggest that you find something less time consuming. Because it's only a matter of time before you break someone else's heart and do you really want to be that person?
What it used to be? You mean back in the good old days, where people got married for financial reasons and not for love or married cause society expected them to get married and pop out kids? Back in the day where you couldn't get a divorce cause other people would look down on you, so you stayed in a unhappy marriage cause it's how things work? Hell no. Modern love is rare, also little with luck but at least it's sincere.
Truth is we don't know what love is, we only heard about it. So we being curious tries to find out what love is. The problem arises where we borrow the idea of love from someone and apply it in our life that end up messing everything up. So yea, the good old days were better. at least some then knew what real love was.
You're repeating a talking point, Melanie. Open your fucking eye balls. It's evident people don't love each other like our grand parents do/did.
My grandmother hated my grandfather until and above his death lol
Melanie seems like the kind of girl that thinks marriage is another word for "long term boyfriend".
Of course there were similar feelings but nowadays the feelings of indifference and hatred outweigh feelings of love
No, "Modern Love" is a 40-year-old David Bowie song from his 1983 comeback album "Let's Dance".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HivQqTtiHVwTypical abc. Always answer a question by joking or posting some song đ If you have nothing constructive to add to the discussion, maybe don't post at all buddy
@PhantomMenace22
I see you could use a colonoc because you are way too uptight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGyv_jqez9c
Yup. People give up way too easy and get divorced, breaking up the family. And social media is probably the biggest contributor to relationship issues, nowadays. And not everybody is lucky enough to stay together and get that "his & hers" shared Facebook account 🤔😆
It definitely is more difficult but you donât have to let it be. We are all in control it just seems like everyone just likes it to be hard. We create these stupid rules, donât do this you have to do that, if you do this then they will give you that. Itâs just a manipulation war. If both genders try to compromise and understand each other and put each others needs ahead of their own then it wonât be so hard.
Love is the same as it was, what is different is there is now more people on the internet, more people filling people's minds with doubt and commitment fear. Nowadays the quietest person is still able to be on a soapbox and shout their opinion to the world, and the audience is much bigger, and the voice is heard much longer, and echoed by more people than is possible locally.
I think love in the past was more done by conquests and for status. I like modern love! There are still people who marry for the financial benefits or status, but many are looking for love For love, just like me.
Good thing I only watched horror movies :)
Yes. Everything was simpler, and people expressed their feelings.
I feel these days you can't really trust anyone, except if you have been dating them for a while.
It's not so uncommon that one day they are enthusiastic about talking and meeting you, and the next day they just vanish for unknown reasons.
The only thing that has changed is some people attitudes, which at times suck. It is no surprise some people have trouble with relationships.
Men used to write 100 pages long love poems for women now it's what's up. It's shitty honestly. But men are not the only ones to blame. It's mostly women for accepting such behavior and think he gives a damn about her when it's not even a bare minimum.
in the west it's a yes because there's always outsiders trying to pry into everybody's relationship and social media has blown that up even greater
love has been replaced by lust and a flipping popularity contest
I like modern love is sometimes more true then the love in the past
Just Look often in the past people stayed together not cause of love, it was more out of wealth or childrens and this is something what changed. Let us be serious about it, if i dont love my Partner any more cause of whatever reason what should i do? Break up or not?
Even after a try it didn't work out so the only thing i do is breaking up cause it makes no sense to me to stay when there is no love.
Yes, but do you know for most people, they feel like they're not in love with the other anymore because they suddenly feel their individuality and see things more clearly. And love is a feeling to it's not meant to be there forever, when you feel down your love with go down with it. So people now have a bad time and think it's best to end things.
In some ways, yes. I think people today lack a sense of commitment and go into relationships, even marriage, viewing it as a temporary thing they can just walk away from if things don't always go well. Women are especially bad about that today. Half of married couples divorce and it is almost always the woman who does it.
No. I like how modern relationships has became more meaningful in terms of identification, boundaries and priorities.
One small inconvenience and everything just ends.
Yes, that's true.
But you need to keep in mind vintage relationships lasted so long because women didn't have their rights. That's a major reason. As a woman, I'm very glad now I can date a man because I want to and not because my parents are forcing me, I need ATM machine and five children of.
That's what I'm concerned about too. After social media, people have access to communicate with a lot of people. And ever since then, what women and men seek in each other for relationship became something more like a "fantasy". The influence of social media indeed does create no sense.
It's only concerning if you're looking for true love on Tinder, quite frankly.
The "opposites attract" theory was always dumb đ
I agree with your "no individuality" point for sure.
No, it was always dumb haha x
What's wrong with challenge. Afraid aren't we?
Uh k.
Naw, when you get beyond the social media stuff , or get beyond casual relationships (which may be more common) i dont think relationships have changed much.
When it comes to eating, absolutely. So many have unrealistic expectations; thinking kind gestures are mandatory, making the gesture meaningless; many are wanting hookups before a relationships, many willing to cheat, than talk about issues... etc. so yes, many don't understand love or how to maintain it.
Yes. But luckily I stay away from that and have found a very genuine, loving relationship.
we live in a throwaway society. it's easier to throw something (someone) away and "buy new" than fix it. There is a problem? Throw away the part and just buy it new. Unfortunately, these ideas can also be applied to relationships. "as in good times so in bad times" (?) ... not anymore.
No it has not. What certain people bring to it remains different or wanting or exactly right, but love itself (and relationships) haven't changed.
I could be, I know I haven't found it yet but when I look around at everyone else it doesn't seem like I'm missing much.
I don't think sexual lust is ever going out of style but I certainly think love has changed. There is lot less commitment taken and more demands with love now.
I agree with you
Love is what you make it. Relationships are what you put into them.
As opposed to what? Women been sold for goats?
Wow did you just compare women to objects :/
Sold for anything really. And even if you talking 1950s women still had to marry men they didn't want because they couldn't make good money to live on their own. Then if we are speaking India welp arranged marriages aren't exactly consented by the wife most of the time.
Women rights are only getting better and that's when they can actually have freedom to pick who they want. Which also means if you want to find a woman you've got more work to do then before because now you need them to actually like you. Rather than them having to be with you for other reasons.
That's what peaks my interest, because we have beauty standards being accepted equally on social media. Don't you think there is gonna be a lot of people who has no control over their physical appearance being neglected. Now we have a lot of choices and options and we can select the one we really want. Even that is ending up in divorces. So what is really going on?
Nothing much. There isn't conspiracy around it. People just get with who they like and then sometimes realise half way down the line there are issues between them. That's pretty normal.
It's more abnormal when divorce rates are low because it means people are staying in relationships they don't want to be in.
So you don't think that people are getting divorced because they can't accept each other as humans and just end up complaining about each other's problems because the life they expected wasn't what they got in reality? I think relationships and the total idea of relationship in people's minds are messed up. They're just too blind to see the obvious, but blinded by what? That was the question i always asked.
1st people change
2nd unfulfillment
3rd they did something unforgivable
Many many more reasons. And why people don't see it is because it can happen at anytime or people ignore red flag or many other reasons.
No one has wrong concept of relationship as that is purely subjective to each person so what's wrong for you means nothing to me.
Being unhappy is more of a personal problem. A partner is there to help you overcome it. If you're married and unhappy, a divorce isn't gonna solve anything but create more unhappiness. It's like a cycle of life you'll then never be happy no matter how great your partner is. The same person who one person was unhappy with makes another person happy. So yea, logically the only reason for divorce to exist should be where arranged marriages are existing. But that's not how things are.
When I said being unhappy is a personal problem i meant this. If a person keeps and expected way for their partner to be, and in reality they aren't that. It would make them unhappy. There are no other way another person can influence one to be unhappy, but their own expectations. Today's world create a wrong environment for relationship to grow because it's actually full of lies.
"There are no other way another person can influence one to be unhappy, but their own expectations." I'm sure if she cheated on you, that would be her influencing you to be unhappy lol. There is many ways to influence someone to be upset so this is the most funniest untrue statement I've heard.
It's simple don't stay with someone who makes you unhappy it's not a hard concept to grasp.
Well, if i was expecting that she would never cheat on me I'd be really unhappy. But trust me, if i actually love that woman, I'd knew before if she was gonna cheat on me. Nothing happens suddenly, everything will give it's signs. Trust me, most woman don't cheat for their pleasure, but as a sing of rebelliousness to their husband on how they treat her. So basically, her expectations.
And trust me if a person was to cheat on you the whole point is you don't see it coming lol. Unless your telling me every person knows they are going to be cheated on when they decided to get married which they don't.
You have some very deluded views on how you are going to find the one and everything will just be happy with no room for error. And I'm here to fact check you by telling ya most people's relationships don't work out. You might have to marry twice or three times to find the one that does. The same way 1st people you date are probably not the one.
I never said about finding the "one". There is no special person made just for each other. Other than the people that make it work. I know the facts. I just questioned the facts. Why a intelligent human race can't find a partner without making a big drama out of it. Or that they are gobbling up "facts" and accepting that is the reality and never questions it themselves.
You know the meaning of intelligence when it comes to humans psychology right? My guess would be no by the way you are mentioning it. Because here's some good things to know human intelligence is also a wide contributor to depression, to subjectivity and complex thoughts that conflict with our own nature ya know what all that means?
Finding a partner will be just as complex.
Never said that you need to have no hint of sadness or fights. Relationships will all have those moments. Maybe you need to think more about what I'm saying because I'm saying when you are simply unhappy with that person and the right choice is to leave. Not to just leave when someone starts arguing about who's doing the dishes lol
No it's simple. The depression caused by intelligence is just because they realise how messed up the society it. They can come up with simple solutions to the problems the whole society faces and makes a big deal out of. That intelligence makes you realise how people are living in a bubble caring about things which have the least value in life.
I know, there is a threshold where people normally talk about i passed it when I said your experience being borrowed. We were talking about relationships and you clearly believed divorce was the normal of human beings. I tried to make you question yourself and now I can see clearly i failed. But i do hope now that you'll question it when this topic arises again in your life.
Love is basically dead. It's all about sex now. I gave up. Prostitutes are better than girlfriends and wives.
Social media made most of the values society had disappear. It simply normalized the bad things, we should be shocked hearing. But I don't think if two people truly love each other than other things can get in the way.
True. And True
Regardless of social media love will always be misunderstood and confusing⌠maybe now a little more so.
As an outsider, no. The people involved have the responsibility to do what they can fir the relationship.
Yes like the Bible says (you don't have to believe in it to recognize this is true) that in the last days of a society, Love decreases because abuse and selfishness is everywhere
Yes I wish we could go back to the time when dating was going out and spending days talking
Maybe people are less comitted to each other, in general, and it isn't what it used to be... But love is still possible, though harder to achieve.
Women can never be satisfied. That is why they initiate almost all divorces. Romance is best when they are forced to obey their husbands. Even the Bible says so.
Well, the main difference is that now adays people expect drama before entering into a relationship while before they were surprised by it.
Love is still love.
I don't think so, drama in some relationships was always there. Social media simply puts it out for everyone to see.
There's still healthy loving relationships in these days.
@the_bruh I believe modern love is just a shadow of what it used to be after the rise of hook-up culture.
I think love is definitely a lot more conditional than it once was
I believe that social media has ruined dating and courtship.
It's not true
Because I'm not agreeing to this
Not at all. All things change with the world around us, but love is no less than before. Besides, it's not like it's something you can actually quantify.
Maybe. But the question reminds me of a great song:
Totally
I feel like its acting, its not real
Totally understand that you're saying that
@katestar89 from personal experience... or he acts the way i like and says the things i wanna hear
@katestar89 never understood why men do that
It's the same way about my crush.
I agree with you. Social media and relationships are mixed up
No, but it is more complicated finding the true and correct meaning.
Clearly you're all just seeing the bad side of things, maybe if you looked at things from your own perspective rather than ideology of others maybe you'll notice something which wasn't there before, the essence of what love came to be.
Whatâs modern love? Everyone cheating on each other and giving everyone aids?
Guys are just not gentleman and girls just go to easy. Not to offend anyone please dont get offended. Just an opinion
A lot has changed in our modern world. Today's couples have more to deal with than ever before, so it's tougher
I agree
There's less reasons to stay together now.
People focus more on their personal needs.
Maybe I'm imagining things but I believe my parents relationship was more loving.
Compared to what? When marriages were arranged to benefit the families?
Really?
The social media has certainly affected the relationships but we can make an effort to minimize the effects na focus on love only.
Yes , Marriage used to be till death do is part now itâs just until love dies
Ab-so-lute-ly! SM has ruined EVERYTHING! Swipe left, swipe right CRAP!
Really?
Yup. All kinds of dating apps that are full of bots, ads and scams to spend money on "non existant" people or trolls
I've never had a boyfriend
Good Luck! But be careful out there!
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