Girls, The woman I'm interested in said, "I know you want to wait for me, but you could be so much happier with someone in person." What's she mean?

[Anonymous]

She's 24 and I'm 10 years older and we dated for about 5 months. We were forced to break up due to her parents' finding out we were dating. While it's been tough, we still communicate and love one another. However, she has no freedom at home on top of her medical issues; her life's tough right now.

Updates

+1 y

And to clarify, we're in an LDR at the moment.

Updates

+1 y

Also, she said she feels guilty that she can't encourage and post about me like I can for her. However, I've assured her that I've made my choice and I'm waiting for her, unless she tells me otherwise.

[Rosexøxø]

It seems pretty obvious. She’s being considerate about you (and your circumstances), and concerned she’s not the best for you, since you are a bit “more along in years” than she is, and probably have your life situated.

In the back of her mind, she realizes she’s not ready for anything serious because all of her stuff isn’t in order.

Meanwhile, most of your things are in order, in terms you’re independent… and then can focus on other long-term goals.

Her goals are just to establish independence.. and she’s not entirely sure when that would happen.

Also, her having to keep her relationship “quiet,” doesn’t make her feel like she’s taking it serious, at all.

It’s both quiet, and it’s missing some things, ESPECIALLY since it’s LDR.

So:

• missing touch/affections/“live dates,” at nice and fun places
• missing the “title” (announcing it or being able to call you her boyfriend, at her own liberty, whenever and wherever).
• missing the ability to hang out and travel places, or even take vacations, if wanted to

-could be missing a lot of different variables, which to her, in her mind, make her think at some point you’re going to start realizing it too, and maybe not be as crazy about her as before.

If you want her and think she’s worth the wait, obviously make that clear to her, so she won’t stress out about it, and ask her if she simply wants to be with you or not. She may say some things like her concerns, but ask her for a direct answer and if she says yes- obviously great, if it’s no, then at least you’d know.

Best to you.

[Rosexøxø]

Probs best to really weigh things out. She needs to have some angle and edge in her own hobbies and a job for savings for the things she’d want first, so that she’s not being stunted/ stagnant in growth, and so you can be proud of the girl you dated.

Don’t abuse her time, and don’t let her take yours for granted either. If you’re both gonna do it (have fun along the way), but make sure you both actually do it. 👍

[Rosexøxø]

The facts are she’s feels bad about it.
She likes you.
She may or may not have the ambition to reach her goals.

Her parents OBVIOUSLY aren’t supporting her in any way if they’re controlling-

So she could be scared with doubly little to no resources.

Would be nice if you happen to leave to give her a word of encouragement so her life doesn’t stay f*cked up for a life time because of who she was born to, let alone the countless people in her life who just passed by.

To clarify not guilt-tripping you in this case, but I get her aspect and seen too many females in similar predicaments and I feel hella bad for the guys. Guys get out of those situations fast because of the ambition, the shut off of emotions, and the ability to just “wing it” and sometimes use a stone for a pillow and not worry about girl problems like bleeding in public or being r*ped.

So if she’s still attractive in your eyes as a boyfriend you decide your own boundaries and level of involvement.

As a stranger- like as a boyfriend who’s breaking up so that you don’t get dragged into a mess like that one, at least leave on a positive note the best you can.

It’s a crucial moment for her and she was still trying to date like a “normal person.” End it and see her for who she is and give a firm wave 👋 to carry on.

Keeping in contact is optional, giving her some ideas to advance her specific situation is helpful for her.

If she establishes herself then you both can move the relationship to grow.

You just have to decide for your personally if that’s the price number you even want to acknowledge.

✨💯✨💯

[SueShe]

She is simply aware that the current situation you are in is not a solution in the long run and rather than to make you wait for possibly your entire life, she prefers to tell you to forget about her and to start your life with someone else.

If, at age 24, she is still under the control and rule of her parents, then she is not likely to become independent in the near future.

It seems that she has absolutely no control about her private life as her parents even dictate her behavior, then may be waiting for half of your life for somebody that may never be really free to to what she wants.

She realizes that she puts a burden on you and gives you the choice to leave this impossible relationship.

[Asker]

You make valid points I hadn't considered. The level on control they have over her is something I've only heard about in movies. She does want her independence from them, she just doesn't have the means at the moment. In the meantime, we're friends and do love each other. I realize this situation looks dire, but I'd like to believe there is something on the other side at the end of the day.

[Asker]

I directly asked her what she wants, since she knows what I want. I believe she wants to be together, but it may be as you say; with where things are right now, it may not be feasible.

[Haha456]

Why can't she live with you so you can take care if her medical issues? If you truly loved her, you would do it.

Plus if she can't move out, she will never ever be with you regardless of how long you wait. Unless her parents are dead and she will be 45 or 55 by then. Then you guys can finally be together. But i dont think its worth waiting that long

[Anonymous]

The LDR and the parent's thing are two huge red flags. I am not sure why you are bothering with this.

[Anonymous]

Did she say why her parents disapprove? Is it a religious thing?

[Asker]

Actually I don't know the exact reason why. I know they don't like that I'm an actor, which she also wants to do (she isn't pursuing it because of me). They are Mormon/LDS and are super extreme about it. They also found out that she and I were intimate as well. I know those are two main reasons. Other than that, no. I believe I was simply a fall guy so they could tighten their grip on her life.

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm.. I think you need to start asking the right questions rather than trying to stitch it together yourself. You’ve gotten deeply entangled with this woman and her stories in a very short time, but when you take a step back, what are you really doing in this situation? What are you waiting for exactly? If I were you, I’d want to know why her parents won’t let you be together, but aside from that I’d ask myself how plausible a relationship is? Like let’s say religion is the cause, if she’s that deep into it and she can never be with you, then already this is a waste of time. Sometimes you have to think with your head and not your heart.