Is it okay for me to do things alone since he won’t or can’t?

[Anonymous]

We have been together almost 3 years and in the beginning he would take me places and now he doesn’t. He has gone on at least 6 vacations with family and every time he would say “I need to bring you here” but never has. He is very busy with work and but I see him make time to do things with other people. I don’t care about vacations but it would be nice to do something together. A year ago he told me he was going to take me out on my birthday and he didn’t and then this year he didn’t say anything. He got me gifts but I’d rather have quality time.

my question is I want to go to the beach and go hiking would it be bad if I did those things on my own? I also like going to the movies but I don’t have friends and he told me in the past he would take me but he never did.

[quaranta]

Well, why don't you organize a vacation for you two, or propose him to go watching a specific movie, or propose him to go to an event etc? It looks like you're waiting him to do so. Maybe he makes time for his friends because he has no time to plan stuff on his own, but his friends invite him to things that are planned already, so he just accepts.
You can surely do things on your own (my best vacation was driving alone to Venice and visiting the city alone for 4 days, and I was in a relationship!), but if you want to do so then at least invite him first, if things are already organized.

Now the problem you don't have friends is actually a problem because it means your whole life revolves around your partner and this has 2 potential consequences. He is expected to be your -whole- social life, your -whole- support net, your -whole- source of entertainment and growth. He might actually start feeling the pressure of this role because it bears much higher responsibilities than if you had your friends instead. He would easily feel taxed/guilty any time you're not entertained or are alone, because he knows he is the only candidate to cover that role. And this can cause precisely the opposite effect: withdrawing. The other consequence is that if you don't have external inputs you can't bring anything new in the relationship but anything that comes from you is actually coming from him, indirectly, because he is your source of growth, he is your sole inspiration to shape yourself. This doesn't make you exciting to his eyes I guess.
I can't say this is really happening, but it could. So you should really get new friends, that is also healthy for you in general, for a series of other reasons.
How to get friends: one way is to participate in things that reflect your interests, like an in-person course of something you like, and stop there with them for 10 minutes chatting a bit after each lesson. You'd have something in common to talk about (the topic of the course) which can be a good and concrete opener.

[quaranta]

(Oh and do your alone-trips only if you really want, not as a way to play the victim role that is forced to go alone "because of him", that would ruin your vacation and you'd return with an argument to face, or you may not even start the trip because of that).

[SteveSmith1985]

This is so sad! It's not right that you stay in a relationship where you feel so neglected. I think that's the main thing you need to look at. Because this is not how anyone should feel in their relationship.

To answer your specific question: Yes it's okay for you to do those things alone since he won't or can't. There is nothing wrong with that, in terms of it being appropriate. But it's so sad. You need a boyfriend with the time to go to the beach or go hiking with you. You shouldn't have to do those things alone. Not when you're in a relationship. But, yes, it's perfectly alright to do those things alone. 🙂