Is this normal after fight with boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Whenever me and boyfriend fight he always wants me to make it up to him. Even if I say sorry for whatever I’ve done in the fight he still wants me to do something to make it up to him.

Then whatever I do he normally doesn’t like. So we end up fighting for a long time and not getting over it. Our average for getting over a fight is 2 weeks. Every time. Sometimes longer.

[Anonymous]

It's not unusual for couples to have disagreements or arguments from time to time, but the way that your boyfriend is handling these conflicts may not be healthy or productive. It's important for both partners in a relationship to take responsibility for their actions and work together to find solutions to disagreements.

It's concerning that your boyfriend always wants you to make it up to him, even if you have already apologized for your role in the argument. It's important for both partners to take responsibility for their actions and work together to find a resolution, rather than placing all of the blame on one person.

Additionally, it's not healthy for fights to last for long periods of time, especially if they are causing ongoing tension and conflict in the relationship. It may be helpful for both of you to seek out the assistance of a couples therapist or relationship coach to help you develop healthier communication skills and strategies for resolving conflicts.

Remember, a healthy and fulfilling relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and seek out support if you feel that your relationship is causing ongoing stress or conflict.

Here's an example of what you could say to your boyfriend:

"Hey [boyfriend's name], I wanted to talk to you about something that's been on my mind. I've noticed that whenever we have a disagreement or argument, you often want me to make it up to you, even if I've already apologized. I'm feeling frustrated because it seems like we're not working together to find a resolution and it's causing our fights to last a long time. I want us to be able to communicate openly and honestly with each other, and to take responsibility for our actions in a way that's fair and respectful. I think it would be helpful for us to work on developing healthier communication skills and strategies for resolving conflicts. Would you be open to the idea of seeing a couples therapist or relationship coach to help us work through these issues together?"

Remember to approach the conversation from a place of respect and understanding, and to listen to your boyfriend's perspective as well. With open communication and a willingness to work on the relationship together, you can find a way forward that feels right for both of you.

[Asker]

I’m not sure he would go to couples counselling. I’ve told him before that it’s not healthy for fights to last so long but he’s of the opinion that it takes him a long time to get over fights now because I’m always starting fights. Like he does say that I’m mostly in the wrong for every fight so I have to make it up to him. I probably am I’m not sure but it does stress me out being in the wrong all the time coupled with him taking such a long time to get over it.

[Opinion Owner]

It's concerning that your boyfriend is placing all of the blame on you for the fights and demanding that you make it up to him, even if you've apologized. It's not healthy or fair for one person to always be in the wrong, and it's important for both partners to take responsibility for their actions and work together to resolve conflicts.

If your boyfriend is not willing to attend couples counseling, it may be helpful for you to seek individual therapy or counseling to work through your own feelings and concerns. A therapist can help you develop healthy coping strategies and communication skills, and can also provide support as you navigate the situation.

Ultimately, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and set boundaries to protect yourself from emotional harm. If your boyfriend is not willing to work with you towards a healthier dynamic in the relationship, it may be necessary to consider ending the relationship for your own well-being.

[teamvic]

Sounds like it's time for you to find another boyfriend that relationship is doomed. Now to answer your question if it's normal no it's not. That dude sounds childish. Now if you're cool with deal with that forever then by all means stay with him and be happy. But I feel eventually you'll get tired of it and leave. If you haven't already

[Daniela1982]

Sounds like you got the wrong guy.

[slatyb]

No, it's not. It's manipulative. Sounds like a bad relationship. End this nightmare and meet someone nice.