Is this an acceptable excuse for my boyfriend staring at other women when we go out together?

[SL2334P]

My self esteem has recently taken a hit because whenever I go out with my boyfriend he always has a wandering eye and likes to check out other women in public. It happens all the time and it’s not just the occasional glance, he full on stares and ogles them. It even happened with my boyfriends friends girlfriend when she was walking up the stairs he stopped talking to me and just full on stared at her walking away. I don’t think he gets how much it hurts me and makes me feel insecure when he does this.

I spoke about it to him the other day and told him how much it affects me when he gazes at other females and how hurt I feel and his excuse was “well all men are like this we are natural hunters and you can’t change this, that’s why so many married men get in trouble with their wives.” He also said to me “well it doesn’t help that half the girls I stare at are in sports bras and leggings”

Is this justification for my boyfriend staring at other women in public when we are together?

[Anonymous]

No it’s not. I mean sure a lot of us men look at other women. Sometimes it just happens, you’re not thinking about it. It’s one thing to glance but then to continuously do it especially in the presence of your partner, not good. So maybe you start checking out other men. Could backfire he may not care that you are. Or you could find someone else who won’t do that on purpose w you around. He sounds like a POS. Trust me I love looking at a lot of women there’s so many beautiful women on the face of this earth but I certainly don’t make it obvious to do so. I believe all heterosexual men do look even if they say I never check out other women I have my own, sure ok. If a majority of men can control not raping women which is far beyond looking, why can’t we control something much simpler like looking?

[PrettyPriya]

No, that is not an excuse. There is not excuse quite honestly, but that one is just a very poor one. This would be a massive red flag for me and an end to the relationship if my partner said that to me. All he is doing is trying to justify his behaviour.

The really sad thing is that you tried to communicate with him how this makes you feel and he seems not to care about your feelings at all. Three of my top things needed in a relationship are trust, respect and communication.

While you do talk about this, he lost you on the trust and respect. If he had respect, he wouldn't stare at other girls. He also would respect your feelings when you told him. Trust is also out the window because what is next? He is justifying this today. What will he be justifying tomorrow or next week?

If it were me, this would be over after this sort of behaviour and attempt at justification.

[MyOwnMan2]

You just don't understand how much men like women. We aren't like women. It's easy for you to ignore men, it's not easy for us to ignore women

[PrettyPriya]

@MyOwnMan2 So, that is your excuse too, huh? "I can't help but be a sleaze ball because I am a guy".

[MyOwnMan2]

If you liked men like we live women then you would understand

[MyOwnMan2]

Of your guy doesn't checkout other women he might be gay

[PrettyPriya]

I will stop you right there with insults about my husband.

[MyOwnMan2]

I'm just saying, if you don't like men who LOVE women, then your man might have gay tendencies. I'm not personally attacking anyone

[Agape93]

She said enough, so that means you will stop. This isn't up for debate, it's not up for discussion. It's an order.

[MyOwnMan2]

@Agape93 what about you personally, don't you love the fact that so many men love women they don't even know yet?

[Agape93]

I said enough.

[PrettyPriya]

"then your man might have gay tendencies" how is that not a personal attack against my husband? Stop trolling my post and hush.

[Anonymous]

No. And I know that would be the last time we’d go out together at all. Because I’d break up that same day.

I don’t have tolerance for men who want to behave like they’re single. There’s a thin line. Once I break up. He can behave like the hunter he says he is 🤡..

but now ALLL ALONEEE 🖕🖕

[Opinion Owner]

Staring leads to something else, and that something else leads to something else-else.
And so on. You just don’t deal with these types of demonic people

[DermalPunch]

Couldn't have said it better myself. Demonic is accurate.

[Opinion Owner]

@DermalPunch
My main advice is break up ASAP. But if not and she doesn’t want to @sl2334p
DO IT BACK TO HIM 😒🖕
Have no reaction to his demonic possessed behavior. ZERO REACTION.
And just start flirting with men. Start gazing at men. Start ogling men.

He wants to play THAT GAME 🤡🤡

[Opinion Owner]

When you first start thinking about a girl or a guy in your head, that’s the beginning of cheating. The beginning of cheating isn’t when you make that first move, it’s when you allow that second and third thought to run in your head. The only thing separating a planned thought from a performed action is the time in-between. It’s not appropriate and it never will be for anyone.

[Cupido29]

He's partly right, but I would never use those words to my partner. It was quite harsh and infuriating, if the words you quoted are true. A man when he looks at the physical appearance of other women doesn't do it to betray you; it's an instinct. It is now also known scientifically that men have sexual thoughts that emerge even hundreds of times a day; we got used to it and we don't become rapists or anything like that.
Anyways, he shouldn't stare at women for so long; I understand glancing, but doing more than that is disrespectful to you. So I'd say yes, it's only partially justifiable: the gesture is normal, but it's not normal in terms of how he behaves.

[Apple1996]

All men are not that way. There are men that can actually control themselves and not be a creep staring at women. Your boyfriend needs to learn how to control this especially since its making you feel insecure

[AnusNdaPainus]

Yes we are
Literally all of us stare at other women it’s completely normal

[Apple1996]

@AnusNdaPainus it's not normal for a man with self control to be that creepy. Women don't have to settle for men that do this. There are better ones out there that respect and value their relationship enough to have eyes only for their woman

[AnusNdaPainus]

You’re insane

There aren’t any men who won't look

[Apple1996]

@AnusNdaPainus then they are not devoted to their woman and shouldn't be in a relationship. I would not put up with my husband being that level of creepy especially in front of me

[AnusNdaPainus]

A lot of women disagree with you
They’ll believe that he is closeted if he doesn’t look at other women

The fact that you’d end the relationship over something so petty means you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you’re that insecure

A secure woman knows that her man may look but he isn’t going anywhere

[Apple1996]

@AnusNdaPainus I'm definitely not insecure I just know my worth. I don't need a man with wandering eyes. If he's looking then he's just one more step away from cheating and I don't think any sane woman would want a man like that

[AnusNdaPainus]

Secure woman knows better I a woman who really knows her worth knows she doesn’t have anything to worry about

And you just dropped the C word confirming that you’re afraid of being cheated on

Women like you who date based off fear should stop giving advice especially when you don’t know much about men and how we think

[Apple1996]

@AnusNdaPainus I'm married and my husband doesn't do this so no I'm not scared of being cheated on. If he did tho I'd def be questioning it

[Mangospacho]

@Apple1996 It’s possible this guy is not an expert on the subject. His biggest accomplishment in life was getting AnusNdaPainus before anyone else.

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Mangospacho good one! Insults are the tools of the defeated

[AnusNdaPainus]

He definitely does because he just doesn’t around you because like you said you’d be questioning it
Like the insecure woman you are

[Mangospacho]

@AnusNdaPainus Your wife likes when you check out other women, right? Because you’re in a solid marriage, right?

[Apple1996]

@AnusNdaPainus he's never around other women to even look at them lol

[Apple1996]

@Mangospacho those secure wives must love their man lusting after other women 🤣

[Mangospacho]

@Apple1996 Oh very secure. Women just love when men pay attention to everyone but them, especially on dates.

[AnusNdaPainus]

She doesn’t care because I’m not going anywhere and she understands it natural for men to look

Sometimes we stare at women’s asses and breast together 😂

Because we have TRUST something that apparently lacking in your marriage

[Mangospacho]

@AnusNdaPainus I dunno. You sound like you’re stretching the truth to prove a point. You go into a fit of rage over the slightest disagreement but yet you have this insanely stable relationship. I highly doubt your girlfriend is cool with you being a troll.

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Mangospacho first off why do you assume that I’m enraged and second Define the term troll

We were having a normal discussion and you came in outta nowhere with all this hostility and misandry

[Mangospacho]

@AnusNdaPainus Good point. I’ll leave you alone now.

[chicosuave]

apple1996 = yeah your super insecure.

[Apple1996]

@chicosuave nah I just have standards and won't settle for less. And honestly this isn't even something that I've ever had to bring up to my spouse cuz he knows better then to stare at anyone

[Mangospacho]

It’s a problem if it bothers you. Usually I’ll joke with my wife when we’re out in public and we see someone wearing something slutty or just ridiculous. It’s different if I full on stare at them though. If he can’t control himself, it’s probably just time to move on from him.

[FifiJones]

Oogling (prolonged eye contact) is probably a bit too much. Apart from that, well, I regularly check out people's physique, but almost always just to get the idea what makes them look good (teeth, waste, body posture etc).

Even prolonged eye contact easily means nothing. Short of 'ooh, I am super interested, give me your phone number' to another girl (intention of jumping ship is kinda obvious), I'd not give it a second thought.

[Dargil]

I never, ever stare. It is rude to my partner and to the subject. If I am going to be in a target rich environment, I wear mirror lens "redneck" sunglasses so neither can see my eyes and...

... I am the champion of the sidelong glance. Standard procedure at the beach.

[ChillaxingLove]

That’s disrespectful to do that while in the company of someone you supposedly care about. You can tell if someone looks on mistake and when they choose to look for a good while and do it habitually.

[Anonymous]

If you have issues with a man looking at women you have no business being in an adult relationship. I had an ex like you who actually thought it was acceptable to get violent toward me if I even glanced at another woman.

Your issue with your self esteem is a you issue not a him issue. Either grow up or leave him so he can find a woman who isn't so fragile.

[ColHathi]

What a load of bullshit, lol. Whether or not he'll admit it to you or himself, he's just using that as an excuse to keep doing what he wants. That's what I think.

[ColHathi]

@MyOwnMan2 Oof, you got me. I guess my dick isn't real.

Please go play "alpha male" somewhere else.

[ColHathi]

@MyOwnMan2 Okay then.

[chicosuave]

its harmless. you are too insecure. all girls have a thing with their boyfriend staring but really its harmless and you shouldn't worry about it

[Sasha0426]

But, let’s be honest. Y’all be thinking, “Damn! It’s a shame I’m taken or I would be banging her.” Or, “I wish my girlfriend was that hot.”

[chicosuave]

@Sasha0426 i mean yeah just for the moment but then those thoughts fade away. its not like we are gonna approach her and get her. that doesn't exists. sometimes we stare cuz its second nature we can't help it.

[Sasha0426]

Yeah, you’re right. I mean, if I saw a really hot guy, I would wish my boyfriend was hot like him and wonder why he isn’t. And I would wish I wasn’t taken so I can bang the other guy.

[Sasha0426]

I get it, we all get bored of our partner. That’s why we keep our options open.

[chicosuave]

@Sasha0426 only a ho says that. but at least a guy knows how to control themselves

[Sasha0426]

You sure about that?

[TheFlak38]

Of course you om the other hand can check out as many guys as you like and explore your THOUSANDS of other options and there is no problem. It's only a problem when the man does it. When a woman does it it's fair play.

[AngryCarl2]

I would ask if he is into you why is he staring at other women? Maybe he's a hopeless horndog or maybe he's distracted easily because he's just not into you. I'm not a fan of the way he dismisses your feelings either.

[nawtee_me]

If his eyes are wondering then his heart is not too far behind. If you keep opening the refrigerator then sooner or later you will get something to eat.

[DermalPunch]

Oh Lord. Get a new boyfirend. I had ine of these. SUCH a loser. So insecure and needed attention just to breathe.

[AnusNdaPainus]

You might as well tell her to only date 1% of men

[DermalPunch]

@AnusNdaPainus men look only assholes ogle girls while with the girl they claim to have special feelings for. Are you that thick? Bottom line no one should stay with anyone who is affecting their self-esteem.

[AnusNdaPainus]

This is the problem with dating one small little chip in the road and all bets are off

Smh.

[DermalPunch]

@AnusNdaPainus SMH as well

[MeIsTomboy]

Even if that is true, he should respect you and not wander off to look at other women.

[Unit1]

I imagine not being allowed to look in the direction of other women and I'll conclude that this is not a relationship i would like to be part of.

[Emmahkhan]

I have seen many men who once in a relationship with a girl turn away from other women because they respect their relationship.

[LiamJHayden]

BS excuse. Yes, healthy straight men will notice other women. Staring at them, though, is completely disrespectful.

[Likes2drive]

He is actually right about that but he needs to just control himself around you and be respectful to you though

[Raaj4you]

Hahaha 🤣😂😅. Yes, it's acceptable. It would be unfair if we don't stare at beautiful girls. God created beautiful girls for men.

[Sasha0426]

I hope you find a woman who cheats on you.

[Raaj4you]

@Sasha0426 No, cheating is not acceptable. There is a difference in staring and cheating. I will dump her if she cheats.

[Sasha0426]

But it’s ok if you do?

[Raaj4you]

@Sasha0426 No, I never said I will cheat. I said staring is acceptable. You misunderstood me. Staring is not cheating.

[peedy]

And you dont look at other guys, its human nature to do so for both sexes nothing wrong with looking its wrong to act

[Anonymous]

That just shows how little he respects you. Not to mention it's rude.

[Sasha0426]

Stare and ogle other men. Get his reaction and see how he likes it.

[Shamalien]

there is a reasonable glance and then there is ogling.

[In_Trance]

Stop...

[Luckycharms12]

It's perfectly natural to look at other people get over yourself you do it too

[Anonymous]

It’s normal. Everyone looks. Don’t act like you don’t check other guys out. I don’t understand how it hurts you and makes you feel insecure. He’s not fucking them

[Sasha0426]

He’s thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is. Get over it. All men occasionally stare at women who dress with their body showing.

[Greenbins]

He's a jerk.. we are not all that way

[AnusNdaPainus]

“ If a man has eyes let him see “ -Jesus

[Apple1996]

Jesus also said: if your eyes cause you to sin then pluck them out and throw them away 👀

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Apple1996 it’s not a sin to look at people

[Agape93]

It is when it causes you to have impure thoughts or desires.

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Agape93 we look off instinct it requires no thought

[Agape93]

Looking is whatever, the sexual desire is a choice. What you're implying is instinct, is against commandments and against mosaic law

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Agape93 sexual desire is a gift from God not against his law

[Agape93]

Yeah, that's why the Bible says to cut out your eyes if it causes you to feel lust, and why it tells you not to engage in adultery (yes that includes thoughts), and why it says not to covet a man's wife.

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Agape93 we stare without even thinking about it even women we aren’t attracted to Cus it is pure instinct

[Agape93]

Doesn't matter, take it up with your god

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Agape93 what do you mean it doesn’t matter we can’t not do something that we are biologically designed to do

[Agape93]

Gotta love how your god makes you one way and punishes you for it.

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Agape93 no he doesn’t punish what you call punishment is the result of misuse
Like how guns weren’t meant to kill people but they’re used to kill people

[Agape93]

That's not what the Bible says.

Also, guns were literally made to kill people. That's like saying a hammer wasn't meant to drive in nails, but it's just used that way.

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Agape93 guns were made for celebration like - it’s expells through gunpowder combustion
A gun is just a very deadly firework

[Agape93]

The first firearms were literally meant for war lol

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Agape93 no they were actually made for celebration fireworks shows

[Agape93]

Fireworks and explosives were. Firearms was a modification of a firework, meant to be used for war. So no, FIREARMS are weapons meant to kill. FIREWORKS were meant as entertainment

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Agape93 do you know what ancient fireworks looked like? Firearms have evolved like everything else but they’re originally made for celebrations guns are just small cannons they expell from gunpowder combustion just like a gun

[ugotgamesonyophone]

God hates a lying tongue, words quick to weave deceit

[AnusNdaPainus]

@ugotgamesonyophone he still loves a liar

[ugotgamesonyophone]

True that.

[brandon1122]

Dump him. You deserve better girl.

[KrakenAttackin]

Do better at keeping his attention.