What does it mean to be the dominant one in the relationship, the leader in the relationship? specifically

[Anonymous]

what does it mean? I have never been in a relationship before, never had a girlfriend, and I already obviously know that the overwhelming vast majority of girls want the guy to take the lead, be the leader in the relationship, be the dominant one, what does that mean? give me examples of what being the leader, being the dominant one in the relationship means, give me a relationship example or situation

Updates

+1 y

they say be dominant without domineering, what does that mean?

[kheserthorpe]

I think just generally, be dynamic.

Don't look at her with a look on your face like a sick puppy saying 'what do you want to do?' 'wherever you want is fine!' etc.

Ask for her input a lot, but if she doesn't have any, be decisive. Make plans. Make decisions if they're not being made. You can ask her input, you can let her decide even, but the buck stops with you.

Try thinking of yourself as the captain, and her as your first mate. You trust her, value her thoughts, consider what she wants, but you make decisions. You make sure your needs and hers get met before moving on to 'wants' for either of you.

[Asker]

if it has to be done, then it must be done, I have no choice

[moviedude714]

i think it means to make all or most of the decisions

[jaspersbabe]

it means being stronger, making more decisions and just generally being someone that she can depend on to make the right choices both in your relationship and in helping her with her other (hopefully not romantic) relationships with people. It means being more forward in suggesting where to go with things while still allowing her to pass judgement on your suggestions.

[Asker]

yeah, if I ever get a girlfriend, I will do that because I have to, not because I want to

[jaspersbabe]

you don't necessarily have to... I mean some girls would rather be the dominant one anyways

[Asker]

what about give and take? a balance?

[jaspersbabe]

that can be tricky but I've seen it work. if that's the way you want to run a relationship, there will surely be someone else like that. best of luck!

[Asker]

like take turns leading, but it is true that if there are 2 leaders, the relationship will fail?

[jaspersbabe]

it depends on your definition of failure... all relationships end in either a breakup, divorce or death so either way it's gonna fail. It's probably better if you take turns anyway so nobody feels opressed or over-responsible

[Asker]

failure as in break-up, but geeze, all the work guys have to do

[jaspersbabe]

agreed. I didn't say that men should be the dominant ones, just what it meant.

[Asker]

why do most girls want guys to take the lead?

[jaspersbabe]

First of all, I'm not so sure that's true, but assuming it is, it's just society conditioning us as far as gender roles go (except in Australia where the girl asks the guy and conservative countries where marriages are arranged and people don't date). Others just have really low self-esteem and are worried about f*cking it up, so they let the other one in the relationship take charge.

[Asker]

it's stupid in my opinion

[jaspersbabe]

I agree. I think that if feminists want equal social opportunities for women, then women also need equal social responsibilities. However, your question was what does it mean to be dominant, not is it a good or bad thing for a man to be the dominant one.

[defytraditiongirl]

to make plans most of the time