It won’t always be like this but I’m extremely anxious. Im facing life -single & I know I’m up for one hell of a healing process. My self worth is shot & so is my ability to fight back so please just leave this question be if you can’t be supportive. I don’t need tough love/conflict. I do have counselling in place for mental health support. So that’s monitored.
I’m overwhelmed & scared, upset to find myself here at this point at this age, I’m fearing not being accepted & being judgmental towards others, to have to start again essentially in new town by myself , new friends not ours/ his friends, new workplace, I’m not even hopeful of a real positive connection with people & the thought of another person touching my body makes me feel physically ill. I trust no one now not even myself to make sound decisions. I did a number on myself. The loss of this most recent relationship has damaged me & I have invested a lot of me into this.. now I have to start again & physically too - refurnish a whole house as I have nothing left of what I come in with to this, do court battles again for time with my child to change. My resilience is very low. I can feel it.
I have to create somewhat a life that has financial stability & I don’t know if I have it in me. I lose my step kids/his family too- Im always also connected to my ex through my family too - this is my reality. Privately I am thinking - maybe I can just pause, just stop & not make any decisions & some one else can deal but that’s avoidance at it’s finest and NO ONE IS SAVING ME BUT ME. I don’t have many tools in my arsenal to be able to cope. I used to before this relationship but I can’t remember any of it. It’s like there’s a grey area on that. I don’t feel like I did & I’m not confident in my ability to get back up this time. This time is so different I don’t know what is wrong with me. It feels like abuse and it’s after effects. you know that stuff no one talks about but we all can read between the lines on.
I’m overwhelmed & scared, upset to find myself here at this point at this age, I’m fearing not being accepted & being judgmental towards others, to have to start again essentially in new town by myself , new friends not ours/ his friends, new workplace, I’m not even hopeful of a real positive connection with people & the thought of another person touching my body makes me feel physically ill. I trust no one now not even myself to make sound decisions. I did a number on myself. The loss of this most recent relationship has damaged me & I have invested a lot of me into this.. now I have to start again & physically too - refurnish a whole house as I have nothing left of what I come in with to this, do court battles again for time with my child to change. My resilience is very low. I can feel it.
I have to create somewhat a life that has financial stability & I don’t know if I have it in me. I lose my step kids/his family too- Im always also connected to my ex through my family too - this is my reality. Privately I am thinking - maybe I can just pause, just stop & not make any decisions & some one else can deal but that’s avoidance at it’s finest and NO ONE IS SAVING ME BUT ME. I don’t have many tools in my arsenal to be able to cope. I used to before this relationship but I can’t remember any of it. It’s like there’s a grey area on that. I don’t feel like I did & I’m not confident in my ability to get back up this time. This time is so different I don’t know what is wrong with me. It feels like abuse and it’s after effects. you know that stuff no one talks about but we all can read between the lines on.
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