When in a relationship, have you previously lost your self and hyper focused on the relationship being your source of happiness only?

[Anonymous]

I have. I forgot how to set personal goals for myself. I forgot how to make friendships that were not joint friends. My identity became about our relationship- I placed my worth on how I maintained it.

[DaveJord]

Yes, but not really. I mean I think everyone is looking for happiness... and nobody wants to be with someone that makes them unhappy. I get it when people say that the relationship in and of itself should not be your main source of happiness... but on some level this just sounds like some really smart psychological babble that sounds smarter than it really is.

I personally have never been happier then when I was in a happy relationship, and i have never been more miserable than I was in a bad relationship. But we all made individual choices that contributed to those type of relationship. and some time we put too much on the other person, or not take enough fo the responsibility for ourselves.

You can say it should not be your main source of happiness, but it definitely should not be your main source of unhappiness. Most would agree that a relationship should not make you unhappy, so why should it not be the main source for happiness.

It seems to me when I have dates woman that invest a lot of time into other sources of happiness... they tend to become self-absorbs and fail to realize how their choices are impacting their relationship.

Yes I have things I do make me happy... but there is nothing I do that would not make me happier to have someone to share in that happiness with. You say you lose perspective on you own goals, but finding happiness in general can be a goal in and of itself.

And honestly, I am 46, and I only hear this type of stuff from woman who in the late 30's or older with a long history of failed relationships. So, when they can't find long term happiness with another person it almost seems like they are trying to justify it somehow or find some other rationale to make themselves feel better about it.

At the end of the day, you are honestly the only one that can make yourself happy. You can do that with another person, or you can't. But if you are not a happy person in general then you will always struggle with being happy.

[asphaltrhymes]

I'd never want a relationship like that, sounds scary and cringey. Uh uh. I never take love too seriously, but neither would I want a loose relationship either.
I just know I love being sane the best and, cool and calm. Not hyper into the relationship. To me, that's just sickly 😷😷😷🤫

[asphaltrhymes]

Note: views are only my own about my views, but you do you. Cya , 👋🏻

[Asker]

That’s ok I understand for me it was poor mental health, dv, child loss , isolation and self worth issues that led me to that. I loved him dearly. More then myself

[asphaltrhymes]

All the best for the future and always seek professional support 🙏 and be well ❤️‍🩹🙏

[Bárbara1402]

Yes. Nowadays I feel stupid knowing that I did that and lost control over me, my preferences, my tastes…. Because I was only focused on the other person. Once it ended I re-discovered myself and felt so free

[itsalyssaagain]

Not really but there was a time where I let things affect me a lot. Now I’ve taught myself detachment. So I’m content with anything no matter what happens.

[FreyaRed]

Maybe two or three months long as the euphoria of first love kicked in. However I'm too pragmatic to follow just one path.

[Nikki1989]

No, I always have other things I am also focused on.

[LiamJHayden]

Never