Your SO Can't Be Your Best Friend. Do You Agree With This Statement?

[fonduegirl]

I have conflicts with the notion that your partner should be your best friend. I quite agree that to some extent friendship and transparency is important in a relationship, but they are very different roles. And there are things you can't unpack with your SO, you just can't — you'd need a bestie for that.

Reference : Thapki, Indian soap opera.

[SnowedIn]

This is one of your best questions!

You use two different words in the question itself and in the body.

In your question you write "can't". I disagree with that. For some couples absolutely the SO can be and is the best friend. In the body you write "should" -- I agree with you that the SO doesn't have to be; it's not a requirement. But, again, they can be.

Every couple is different. Friends is a must. Bestie is negotiable.

[fonduegirl]

I just feel that's too much pressure. Then again, my ideal relationship is a group one.

[fonduegirl]

Thanks

[SnowedIn]

Legit. Doesn't work for everyone. 🙂 Which underlines the fact that relationships are unique.

[fonduegirl]

Yes they are!!

[crmoore]

I disagree, though that's not to say your stance doesn't have its validity. I think an SO can be a best friend, but that doesn't mean I think they always are.

[petitedollbabee]

Agree? You’re allowed to have more than one best friend, but I think it’s silly to refer to your SO as your best friend - because they’re not a friend, they’re your partner. Ofcourse you’re going to be close with them like you would be with a best friend. I think it’s important to have friends outside of the relationship, and important to do activities with friends rather than just your partner all the time.

[fonduegirl]

My point exactly

[midnightmoon05]

Petite…
That’s a better way to explain…
I encourage my husband to go hang out with his friends/families from time to time…
Other times…he is my best fiend in all areas of support.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 that's great

[midnightmoon05]

Reference lol…it’s soap opera…smh 🤦‍♀️… my views about relationship and life was very different at age 22…but I never thought to compare to soap opera.
I certainly eliminated 💯 drama in life!!! Especially dealing with other women…including my own mother.
I love my family and respect them and we are very close … but they do not dictate my life!!!

[fonduegirl]

It's a good topic for soap operas. It's way better than love triangle trope, mind you.

And by the way — the main guy wants to be best friends in addition to SO, I'm the one that feels it's rather impractical.

[midnightmoon05]

Enjoy. I got other things to do which is notas fun as soap opera.

I lived that life. I made my guy get rid of the “ best friend - life sucking leach of 15 years of his!!”
So I dealt with my way!!! And now we are married enjoying life together!

[fonduegirl]

Um ok.

[Kaneki05]

Disagree in fact so much so I say I wouldn't bother been with them if they couldn't be.
A So needs to be a bestfriend before a So otherwise your just been with lust and mostly settling.

[MORPHEUS_12]

Not true. I have been with only one person in my life and married 23/30 years. We share EVERYTHING and he is and was my best friend long before becoming legal on paper. With your conflicting notions a relationship would not last.

[Billlewis]

I think there's probably some truth to that. No relationship can ever be truly equal -- one person is number one, and the other person is number two.

[fonduegirl]

That's not what I meant lol

[Tstrbrainer]

I would prefer more transparency in a relationship, so I'd like my partner to be my best friend too, but I have dude best friends and they are not demoted just because I found a girlfriend.

Bottom line is I'll be sharing more with my SO.
Or at least that's what I'd like to do

[Red_Arrow]

My wife was my best friend till she died. And that is the way it should be.

Reference: Life. not some soap opera!

[fonduegirl]

Reference was given because people always assume these questions are based on my personal life lmao

[fonduegirl]

I feel that was a good topic to be discussed, and the soap opera did it well. Shrugs.

[Jamie05rhs]

"And there are things you can't unpack with your SO, you just can't". I fully and completely disagree with this.
If you can't talk to your S. O. about EVERYTHING, then there's no point in even having a S. O.

[fonduegirl]

I wouldn't place that much important on my romantic partner. Shrugs.

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903 I wouldn't have it any other way. That is precisely what I am looking for in a romantic relationship. I want our relationship to be DEEP!

[fonduegirl]

Okedoke.

[midnightmoon05]

Romantic partner yes.. for fun and romance.
A life long marriage spouse…it’s essential to be open and share love, joy, happiness, emotional, physical, financial, fear, hurt, sadness etc…with him/her. If I can’t run to him…and have to run to my other “friends…. in this case…many run to other guys/girls…” then something is not working in the relationship…whenever it requires outside “ears”…there are cracks one not willing to be there for their partner. Having outsiders to share these emotional stresses…will eventually create greater cracks.

Not sure if any of you have ever been in a good relationship for over 5 yrs…. you will have different views at that point…for now…enjoy your singleness…. youth.

[Jamie05rhs]

@midnightmoon05 A spouse IS a romantic partner! They're the same thing!

[Jamie05rhs]

But I agree with the rest of what you said.

[midnightmoon05]

True…was thinking too fast

[Jamie05rhs]

@midnightmoon05 No problem. 🙂

[midnightmoon05]

I remember why I said that…
So…there are guys who are extremely charming…. they will romance the woman and even drag the relationship for a long time…but he will not commit to marriage level…maybe 5-10 years later…the girl finally wakes up and ends the relationship. He goes and married someone within a yr…the girl sad and maybe 40 at that point. No man/no marriage and alone. She will take another 2-5 years to meet someone that she will trust to give her heart to…by then, she can’t have kids…the guy may not want to marry a 45 yr. old woman.
I notice a few of my work colleagues experienced that kind of life.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 not everyone has same priorities

[midnightmoon05]

Whatever works for you young lady.
I got what I want in life.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 okay 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

@midnightmoon05
"So…there are guys who are extremely charming…. they will romance the woman"
That's not romance, though. That's fake.

[fonduegirl]

Infatuation.

[midnightmoon05]

Most fall for that kind of guys…gag call them the bad boys?

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 so I'm not allowed to give instances from soap operas but you're allowed to take ones from GaG? Lmao ok.

[Jamie05rhs]

@midnightmoon05 Yes, they do fall for it, unfortunately. I think that's usually because the girl doesn't have a father in her life. Or maybe she's just rebellious and doesn't listen to him.

[fonduegirl]

Or maybe they're just horny. Cheers.

[midnightmoon05]

Jamie…you ever talk to a charming sales person?

Young lady…you do whatever you wish.
But … Try dating in real life. The expense will count more than soap opera.

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903 And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being horny. But that's why we have wise counselors in our life- to keep us from doing stupid things when we're horny.

[Jamie05rhs]

@midnightmoon05 Yes, I have. But I never buy anything unless I actually want to. Lol. I have a very tight grip on my money.

[midnightmoon05]

That’s good…you hear the way they talk? Pretty charming right?

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 ofc

[fonduegirl]

What's stupid about recreational sex? Other than not using condoms :o

[midnightmoon05]

I don’t know where this come from.
But to answer…it’s not my cup of tea.

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903 "What's stupid about recreational sex?" It can have a long-term negative impact on your future marriage. Because it weakens the bond with your spouse.

Also, it causes a lot of emotional upheaval and distress and pain.

[fonduegirl]

Weakens the bond? Pfft ☠️☠️ bye

[midnightmoon05]

Define recreational sex. I have some ideas… but would like to hear it from you.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 recreational sex in any sexual activity happening outside of romantic relationship and marriage.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 thank you for hearing me out.

[midnightmoon05]

Like can be with anyone? Anything? Anywhere? Just find someone to have any sexual activities? Are there any rules? Is it a game or a competition?

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 it's not a game and competition.

They are boundaries.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 *nor

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 *there

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 boundaries really depends on the person. But a good example will be not to sleep with a person who's taken, wait for them to break up or move on to another person. Avoid that drama and emotional turmoil.

[midnightmoon05]

So no feelings invoke? It’s like friends with benefits? Or just move on to the next person?

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 feelings.. depends upon what feelings are we talking. Do you mean romantic implications? Feelings is a vague description, frankly speaking.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 it depends on the person, do they want to move on? Do they want a break after the seperation?

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 it's not like friends with benefits, but friends with benefits can be one of the many forms of this arrangement.

[midnightmoon05]

So it’s kinda like you don’t really know them well. But just have sex then kinda move on?
Since you are young and not looking for marriage or relationship?

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 not know them well, when did I say that?

I personally would never fuck a stranger for safety and security reasons.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 I might know some people, I might be good friends with them, I might be physically attracted to them.. but romantic implications and societal standards? Nahhhhh

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 move on... Are we talking about a product here?

[midnightmoon05]

Product? Didn’t think of it that way. Perhaps can be seen that way.
Either way…whatever works for you.

[midnightmoon05]

Thank you for the education.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 you're welcome, sweetie.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 and about moving on.. I guess I wasn't clear enough on that. It depends on why you broke up with the said fuck buddy. And if it was one time arrangement, you really can't expect much.

Overall, totally not recommended for people suffering with conservative minset or romantic hopelessness or in some cases — both.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 since we're educating — yes you've gotta respect everyone's choices. And yes you've gotta respect prople deemed as $luts and yes, oh my god yes, you've gotta respect the person you're fucking without romantic obligations.

[LazerBean]

That is wrong. My husband IS my best friend, and there is no subject I've run across that I would be better off talking to someone else rather than him.

[Nikki1989]

My man is my husband, best friend and my soul mate.

[jahaims]

I "unpack" anything and everything with my wife and vice versa.

[exitseven]

I have been married for so long my wife really is my best friend

[TallAnon]

Every human and every connection between humans is different. The labels we give them is a simplification. Generalizing like this has no use. Some people can be both, one or neither.

[Andres77]

I think they should be. That’s why you marry them.

[Guardian45]

WRONG! There are many couples that claim to have married their best friend. I subscribe to that!

[EaterPeter]

Yes I do agree. It is good to start with best friend.

[dreamstar72]

My wife is also my best friend

[electromagnetic]

He cannot.

[AdithyaR]

I'd say they should be one of your best friends.

[shortster]

I think that it depends on the person.

[ChiTown33]

Nope.