How to break through emotional barriers?

[JazzGirl27]

I'm currently in a 1 1/2 year relationship. I love him very much but for some reason we have this weird barrier in our relationship. I feel like my man is very shy and mirrors me a lot. We have never kissed I know that sounds weird but when ever I try to kiss him I get really nervous. He has told me he loves me and I know he is trying to use the L word often. For example whenever we say goodbye he says I love you. But for me it's hard to open up. I want to open up but for some reason I just can seem to do it. How can I break these barriers with my partner.

[Alli39]

Ok, it sounds like you're having issues with commitment, which could be rooted in a lot of things:

• Fear of expectations: you might be concerned that he wants more from you than you're prepared to give
• Fear of getting hurt: you might be avoiding taking steps in your relationship because you know that those things would be significant to you personally and you know it would hurt more to have reached these "milestones" if you're relationship eventually fails
• Fear that he's not the right person/your settling/etc: part of you might not be convinced he's right for you either because of the way he acts or out of your own insecurities.

• This one you might just be able to talk to him about. If you guys established clearer expectations and boundaries, it might help you to take steps forward. (Ex. if you're afraid to kiss him, have a discussion about what kissing means for you relationship, as weird as that sounds. Is it ok to do it once and decide you don't want to later? (the answer is yes, by the way) What does he want in terms of physical intimacy.) Clarifying your emotional expectations of each other might help you trust him more and have more confidence in your decisions.

• For this one, I'd focus on getting away from the idea that the first time for anything has to be a big deal. It's just a kiss, it's just three words, etc. Nothing more. Emotionally separate your emotional milestones from the process of commitment. Remind yourself that taking a step in the direction of commitment doesn't mean you're all the way there and need to start planning a wedding.

• This one's more one you. Evaluate yourself, him, and your relationship. If he's really not what you're looking for, even if he's amazing, your hesitancy could be your mind trying to tell you that. If it's your own insecurities, rather than something about him, consider where those insecurities come from.

Regardless, I'd talk to your partner about your concerns/fears and work on little ways that you can progress your relationship. Instead of I love you, replace it with "I like you" so that you get used to saying the phrase and it's easier to change when you're ready. If you don't want to kiss him on the lips, kiss his hand or something that feels like a lower bar. It's ok to break things up, even if they seem a little silly. I'm sure your partner wants to do what it takes to help you feel comfortable in your relationship, so bring him into this conversation and gauge his comfort as well. Just be clear that your commitment issues are about you/your insecurities and not a measure of your feelings for him if that's the case.

[kylee2437]

You just have to go for it. You don’t like the idea that you haven’t kissed while being in this relationship yet , and that will only change if you make the first move to do so

[MountainMetal]

Say everything you said here to him. If he is nervous about kissing you too it will probably help.

[jahaims]

A year and a half with no kiss? Are one or both of you autistic or victims of SA?

[JazzGirl27]

well my boyfriend is partially autistic. what made you ask this?

[jahaims]

Lol, people aren't partially autistic. Seems like it
based on what you said, which is why I asked.

[JazzGirl27]

He does have it full blown he kids do tho

[Luopio27]

Just ask him if he wsnts to make out with you!