My Dad is very emotionally distant and has been my entire life, due to the way his parents were with him and how he was brought up. I used to be sad about this, and try all the time to get him to make me feel loved in an emotional sense, or even just acknowledge me properly. He isn't great at communicating either, and I never end up getting anywhere when I try to communicate my feelings to him, or even just have a disagreement over something. He gets intense, and just so sharp everyone usually just drops out. Apparently, he and my mom discovered he's light on the autistic/Asperger spectrum so that probably comes into it as well.
But lately, in the last two years or so, I've stopped wanting anything more from him, and just kind of exist with him side-by-side. And instead of trying to help us understand each other, if he says something hurtful or unfeeling to me or my mom, suddenly it's like my feelings just freeze up and I dislike/feel nothing for him for a few weeks at a time, sometimes up to two months, progressing to the point that it happens even if it's only a small offense, and I don't know how to stop it from happening.
I'm concerned that this will carry on in any romantic relationships I have, as it happens with my guy friends too when they hurt me, and then don't try to understand me when I try to explain it, and communication becomes futile. Unconsciously, I just freeze them out and though I am aware of it, as well as the reasons why I might have adopted this tactic, I don't have any control over it until it thaws, usually a long while later.
I have come to accept I'm never going to feel fulfilled in my relationship with my dad, and luckily my mom and I have an awesome relationship, but I don't want to be a 'daddy issues' girl and carry this on into my relationships, getting turned off by just small things and feeling hopeless to communicate myself and feel understood. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this thing?
Most Helpful Opinions