Long time boyfriend can't stop looking up escorts?

[MissHippoHips]

Been together for 9 years.. Had a 2 year long distance relationship. Just moved in with him this past December.

I've caught him looking at escort sites before and I've told him to stop not realizing that it could be something more. I found out March 2011 that he actually met with one of these escorts. I actually called the escort myself but all she told me was that she gave him a "massage" I confronted him and he said he went there for oral but got too nervous and left.

I stayed, but I told him that I find one more thing regardless of if he meets them or not that it's over and I'm leaving. I'm still here.

Since then, I have tried to rebuild trust in him again, but it's not easy at all. I check his phone, email, and bank accounts on a daily basis simply out of paranoia. Last week, after looking in his phone I found out that he had looked up some escorts again. He says he's sorry that he doesn't know why he did it. He says he was just bored and he just typed it automatically.

I don't know if he truly did anything with this escort, or if this was really his first time. I don't know if I can trust him again, I love him more than anything. He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first everything. I guess I'm just venting.

[rachiee]

You really need to put your foot down for this situation especially since he's contacting escorts which gives him a higher chance of catching a disease/std. But if he doesn't want to change his ways and stop himself then there's nothing you can do about it. He has to want to change. You can say whatever you want to say to him and threaten as much as you want but it won't work unless he does it himself. I suggest he goes to a therapist. Him continuing to contact the escorts makes it sound like he has a problem, maybe an addiction to sex. I think once he gets down to the root of his problem and why he does what he does then he can start to change his ways.

[MissHippoHips]

He refuses to go to therapy and share his problems. and he's not addicted to sex. I've been begging him to f*** me.. we had a really dry spell but thankfully, we've been having more sex now so I don't think it's addiction

[rachiee]

Just because he isn't having sex with you doesn't mean that he doesn't have an addiction. An addiction to sex could be also watching a lot of p*rn as well. Him wanting to go out and buy sex instead of cheating isn't the normal mindset when it comes to cheating. If he doesn't want to go to a therapist or even work out his problems by sharing them then unfortunately he probably won't fully work things out in his mind.

[flove]

Your first relationship isn't supposed to last, regardless of whether or not he's cheating. You are meant to grow and learn from that person and eventually move on. I know that your world probably revolves around him and you think you'll never make it without him, but you can--and you will. It is hard and it hurts like hell, but you can get through it. There are other men out there who will love you and treat you right. It's time to get out.

[Vasillilaw]

If you want advice I'm about to tell you the truth. It may not be what you want to hear, but there is no excuse for what he did and you should definitely break up with him. I can't believe he would even meet up with the escort. That's not OK at all. Good luck and I hope everything turns out for the best.

[MissHippoHips]

Thank you

[Vasillilaw]

Any time! (:

[Habakkuk]

yeah, you don't trust him at all if you have to check everything he does daily, but I don't blame you either. I don't think he's trustworthy, and you can't have a lasting relationship with an untrustworthy person. It's a shame that he was your first everything because he's not worth it.

[Lupianwolf]

He was going there with sex in mind, just because he chickened out doesn't make it any better

if he's still doing it then I guess he does want sex from them

Dump him, just because he was your first doesn't mean you 'have' to stay with him

[MissHippoHips]

Thanks for your comment.

[AltTech]

I'd pull the plug on this one. He obviously has an interest in hooking up with someone else. And even if what he said was true, what kind of a guy would disrespect his girl by looking up escorts out of boredom?

Further, you should never get to a point in any relationship, where you are looking up his bank accounts, phone messages, and email on a daily basis. The trust is shattered, and the relationship is doomed.

[MissHippoHips]

Yeah, I know I shouldn't have to look through his personal items. At this point I really don't know what to do but thanks for your insight

[martyfellow]

I wouldn't wait to find out what he 'did.' I'd leave right away. The second boyfriend will probably be better because you'll be more perceptive about what kind of guy you have...

[MissHippoHips]

It's hard to throw away 9 years just like that but I get what you're saying. Thanks

[Joseph69]

Take an interest in the sights that he visits, and encourage him, suggest girls which you think that he will like. Ask him if he would like to have a threesome, with you and one of his favourites. Just such a suggestion would spice up your sex lives.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why, but honestly, it's my favorite masturbation material. I never think of actually using their services though. It just works better for me then p*rn. Maybe he's the same.

[MissHippoHips]

I don't mind if he looks at p*rn. I look at p*rn just as much as he does and he does say the he looks up these escorts while looking at p*rn. But let me ask you, do you just use them for masturbation or do you contact them as well? Because to me, those are two very different things.

[DonMichelle]

Contact some yourself, have sex with the neighbour perhaps

[TheAteam1978]

You can't trust him he's addicted to sex with working girls. Ps Hippo hips?

[babiigrl886]

why put yourself through misery and pain. why don't you sit down and talk with him and tell him how you feel