Do I have a right to feel upset that my boyfriend arranged to go to the gym with another girl behind my back?

[ALN29391]

I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and he owns his own business so he’s always meeting up with people and making business connections. The other day he rang me to tell me that he was in touch with an old friend from college who was from Kenya. They were texting and she just got back in touch with him and he told me that they had arranged to go to the gym together. He told me that she had a boyfriend and that he was going to use the meeting as a business opportunity to give out some samples. He rang me to ask me if I would be ok with this and I told him it made me feel uncomfortable and that I didn’t want him to go to the gym with her so he told me that was fine and that he would cancel the plans with her and go with a guy friend instead to the gym.

I still feel really bad and insecure that he even arranged to go to the gym one on one with another girl behind my back. Am I overreacting or do I have a right to feel upset?

[Oliverlogan263]

You have a right to feel however you feel, but focusing on that may not be helpful. Here are some things to consider:

1. Your boyfriend did the right thing by being transparent with you about his plans and cancelling them when you expressed discomfort. That shows respect for your relationship.

2. His intentions seem innocent - catching up with an old friend and using it as a business opportunity. There is no evidence he was trying to hide anything from you.

3. Many people have friends of the opposite sex and can maintain appropriate boundaries. Trust is key in any relationship.

4. Feeling insecure is normal, but try not to let those feelings consume you. Focus on communicating your needs and boundaries clearly.

5. Long distance relationships require a extra communication, trust and transparency. Have an open conversation with your boyfriend about how to build those things.

6. Set clear boundaries moving forward. For example, you could ask that he run future opposite-sex 1:1 plans by you first, for the sake of openness.

7. Monitor your own self-talk. Avoid narratives that he "hid" this or did something "behind your back." The intent does not appear to be nefarious.

In summary, while your feelings are valid, focusing on building trust and open communication with your boyfriend is likely more constructive than dwelling on insecurity. His actions show a willingness to respect your relationship - build on that foundation together through honesty and compromise. I hope this perspective provides some reassurance and strategies!

[SnowedIn]

I don't think you do.

He told you. That's more than I believe he owed you and a sign that he's open with you.

I think you're being too insecure about this.

[spartan55]

He didn't do it behind your back, he told you about it... wtf?

[Wise4myage]

Yes, because he should have mentioned her too you.

[Billlewis]

I would certainly think so.