Do you think it's true that women initially accept the men they've met as they are, and then want to change them?

[Julie4]

[caring__1]

It's more common for women to view men for the potential their partner can become, whereas men generally don't want their partner to change at all. Both views are unrealistic. Will we change? Of course people change. The question is if we can be comfortable accepting change out of the control of the other person or if we have an ideal agenda we are expecting from the other.

All people are unique, so generalizing can limit our opportunities. No one wants to be lumped together with a large group of people, assuming we will be exactly like everyone else in that group. The key is to choose a partner who is already like what you want and then accept natural changes. That doesn't mean it isn't in our best interest to do our best to take care of ourselves and focus on personal growth, rather than expecting handouts from others. The ideal partner values you as you are and shows appreciation for your efforts, while not focusing on unilaterally determined end goals or having unrealistic expectations. If you don't like what you see, move on. If you like what you see, show appreciation, for appreciation motivates us to continue patterns.

[serious]

Yes initially they may accept men as they are but then eventually they would want or at least expect them to change in some way which would either be for the relationship or for their own good.

Whatever the reason maybe but yes the expectation to change is bound to be there.

[strateguy632]

nah from the start, they "hope they can change us" some openly saying to me "men are like kids" and "dont you wanna improve?" but we can but by our priority and pace not by a bossy soon-to-be-ex.

[serious]

@strateguy632

Okay.

[Alli39]

I think sometimes they overlook flaws assuming that the behavior is just reflective of the fact that their relationship is new or whatever and that as a guy grows to care about and respect her more, he'll naturally change his behaviors to reflect that. Obviously this doesn't happen all the time, leaving people disappointed.

[midnightmoon05]

How people like to point fingers. 😂

we all change…it depends if the partner is willing to change/grow with you.
most problem is caused due to lack of communication and respect.

[inhua]

they only want to change the bad boys. they don't care about his personality because they believe they can change his personality. they don't want his good looks to change

on the flip side, no woman is going for an ugly gentleman hoping to change his looks

[LazerBean]

I don't think that women who do that actually accept the men as they are, they just overlook the (perceived) flaws for the time being and feel like they are special enough to change the guy.

[Bricealan]

I read a quote somewhere that said: Women get married hoping their man will change, and the man hopes his wife will NOT change.

[RavVid]

I think that can happen. A girl initially said she liked the shirts I wore then wanted to change my wardrobe.

[Julie4]

🤣🤣

[Blueeyes81]

No. Those women look at a man as a fixer upper. They see the potential the man has and then get bored, angry, frustrated that he doesn't become the man she thought he'd become. Very unhealthy and sets the relationship up for failure.

[Nikki1989]

Nope. Any man that needs changing is not worth the trouble.

[motownplayer2000]

Not true for all women. Generalizing is very dangerous. You could get a bit of data from the population and sample that pop and see where you are at there. But I wouldn’t say the majority of it is true.

[strateguy632]

jeez you are allowed to say your own anecdotal experience despite "merely anecdotal". this is a discussion group not a psychology conference!

[Andres77]

Generally…. this correct.

how many women do you know that simply cannot leave the freaking walls the same color? They just HAVE to paint them again.

[exitseven]

I have been married 27 years and my wife says I am still a work in progress

[strateguy632]

and you are wise enough not to ask , "honey what will you improve this week" haha.

[KostasKouvalis]

That sounds about right, or the man was a good liar. But I heard someone say it's like some ego thing for women to want to change men

[Anonymous]

Yes. But if the woman is SMART she picks a guy who is a good match to begin with and she doesn't have the problem of wanting him to change. But so few women do this, hence why women have all the dating problems they do.

[DerekC321]

They find out more as time goes on and find things that could use improvement.

[BLP11520]

37 years of marriage she has not changed me. Tweeted me a bit 🙄

[jimmy2]

I wanted to change my wife in prat I did on some ways mostly not though

[EaterPeter]

Yes.