How did you tell your spouse/partner it was over?

[jewel]

How do you show your partner that you're done with that relationship? This time I ask for my friend. They've been together for 8 years but now she wants to quit but doesn't know how to do it without injuring him...

[Peter_Penetrator]

I took advice from my own play book. I have been divorced from my ex wife of 18 years for over 2 years now.


Around 10 years ago I asked for a divorce. She and I had it out and l pointed out why l wanted to leave. Then after a few days l started feeling guilty. So l decided to give our marriage another chance. I did this with my first wife. Only the the effect it had on my 1st wife was not my intention.


So from the time of asking both for divorces, the first time, enough time passed for both of them to think things through. So then with my first wife, l slowly began to pull away. Then a year later I stuck to my guns and after those issues still festered, she began to adjust to me pulling away to the point that when asking for a divorce the second time, it wasn’t that big of a surprise.


Fast forward to my second marriage. After dealing with marital issues for 10 years I decided to ask my 2nd wife for a divorce. Again, after having it out, asking for a divorce, then changing my mind and giving her the chance to work on what was making me unhappy.


A few years later I pulled out another play from my handbook. I just plainly stopped talking to he. Even after the threat of losing me, she became complacent again. Going silent was the only way to take back control over the emotions that she knew how to stir. Now, if she asked me a question, was making any kind of a statement, I wouldn’t look her in the eye and would only give very brief answers.


Over those few years after asking for a divorce and going silent, my ex wife slowly adjusted to the idea that I didn’t want to be married anymore. I got tired of the drama.


So my ex approached me, acknowledged I didn’t want her around me anymore, wanted only a small sum of cash and l agreed. Two days later, I filed for divorce even paying for the lawyer. There was nothing in dispute so my ex went without a lawyer.


I learned that silent treatment strategy from growing up with two step sisters that constantly pushed my buttons. I took back control of my emotions and left them powerless. For nearly 30 years.

[ArrowheadSW]

I've often wondered if people go to relationship counseling in order to end the relationship? I wonder this because back in my early 30's I had dated a lady for 3 years. It was not working at all and I could not seem to convince her that we had to break up. I did not enjoy dating her. I was annoyed by the fact that she wouldn't let go. She suggested that I go to her therapist with her. I said, "It would only be with the intent of ending it." At that point I think the lights came on. And no I never went to counseling with her and we did split up.

[petitedollbabee]

You can’t break up after 8 years and have it not hurt him. That’s ridiculous to think. Every method is going to hurt him, best to be straight up about it and honest, and end it there. The longer she leaves it, the more it’s going to hurt him.

[provokeesmokee]

What's with all these people who can't handle the fact that breaking up WILL hurt?

Like seriously, there's no way to make it not hurt. Tell her she needs to accept that.

[AviatorTom]

I didn't ... my then-wife told me, in the kitchen while she was preparing breakfast. "I want a divorce."

After our amicable divorce, I dated a woman for about a year before I ended it... via a short text message.

[exitseven]

I had a long distance relationship with someone for four years. I really think the relationship had run its course. It took me about 4 months to make up my mind about it. We had not seen each other in over 6 months. I called her on the phone and told her that I just could not see any way that we would ever end up together. I just had to drop out of school because I fell behind paying tuition and I just felt that it was never going to work. She said that we should just get married. I told her I needed to be able to get a good job and be able to earn a decent paycheck before I could get married. Before I hung up I told her that I loved her and she said she loved me too. It was a really hard thing to do

[Fireguy17]

The first thing is that she is not responsible for his feeling or how he feels.
Otherwise she would have to be with him for life because he might feel bad.
You can be kind when telling someone bad news, but how they react is on them, not her.
Basically let him know that she doesn't see a future with him and she feels that it is time to move on with their lives.
Who knows, he might feel the same way.
Breaking up is not fun, but being with the wrong person is even worse.
So the sooner she does it the better off she will be.

[lightbulb27]

Hummm….
That be fascinating to dig into what was going on. Its the last part about your step sisters indicating possible patterns. Question being did you get beyond all that amd grow from it and have a better relationship. Or was it repeats of the same issues.


I think what you stayed is… emotionally cutting off women dulls their emotions to where there is no more fight.
You dint have to answer me … just saying what i thiught when read that given how attraction works.

[TonyMetal___86]

If she wants to leave him, it means she's going to injure him sooner or later...
It makes me laugh when someone does a terrible but they ask how to do it without hurting the other, well if you don't want to hurt the other than don't leave...
It's like i'm going to kill you but i don't want you to be hurt 😂

[Anonymous]

Portland, Ore. I had been gone to L. A. for a month and a half... written her 32 letters in that time, and called a few times weekly. I received 2 letters in return. I caught the Amtrak back, went straight to her house... when she opened the door, told her immediately to take off the ring... didn't say anything else... walked right past her into the bathroom, flushed it down the toilet, walked out and 2 hours later was on an Amtrak cross country to NYC. Never returned.

[madhatters4]

just have the conversation. it's rarely easy but you just have to be honest and direct. explain how one feels and why that has lead them to decide that the relationship needs to end.

[madhatters4]

but the reality is people are injured during breakups. it's almost impossible to avoid someone feeling hurt in a breakup

[JesseP1nk]

Women, just dont the sign "its not working" on the refrigerator... I mean the beer is cold... by the way its weird my wife has not come home yet.

[EaterPeter]

It's not over until it is over suffering is a ring comes right after / with engagement ring and wedding ring

[Thot_Stomper]

I didn't the picture he received of me and the stripper at my Bachelorette did

[Sasha0426]

Unfortunately, it’s going to hurt him no matter what. What’s the reason she wants to leave?

[peedy]

I've never done it they were the one that was leaving

[WhiteBorr]

I'm non confrontational. They break it up due to my increasing absence.

[Brady]

Tell her 2 say "I want 2 end it. Sorry."