Found out he messaged girls different times with sexual talk and inviting them over, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I've known him for 9 years and been talking, hooking up and such for almost a year.

Recently I happened to see this post that he did asking for advice in regards to a girl he hooked up with before and how he wants to lead her to another night together but also give her "free will" (choice)? And invited her over to "touch each other" but she was unable to go that night.

Another post was months ago where he asked advice for "maybe response" to a girl that said she will keep him in a book of maybes. I am unsure if these girls ended up going over and they did things but these posts are major red flags.

Any advice? What should I do? I known him for what seems like a lifetime but this is not a side of him I thought I'd ever have to go through and deal with.

[Fireguy17]

It sounds like you are not in a committed relationship with each other, so he is out dating others.
So ask yourself what part of this bothers you, that you aren't that important to him as you thought, you thought you were in a relationship with him and he doesn't think the same way?
Because all we get from you is that you have been talking, hooking up and such.
No where did you say that you have developed feelings for him, or that you thought he has developed feelings for you.
It sort of seems like you are friends with benefits, and now you have found out something new about him.
Talk to him about it, let him know how that makes you feel.
Maybe you care about him more than you think, or vise versa and he thinks that you aren't all that interested in him so he goes to the arms of another.
Figure out how you actually feel about him, where if anywhere you would like this to go if anywhere and talk to him about your feelings.
He might be thinking the same, so before you both mess this up figure it out.

[Finchie40]

If you aren’t in a relationship with him , then you really can’t be upset with him period , you have a choice on whether you want to continue seeing him again or not , but if you aren’t in a committed relationship with him , and it’s not official , then he is still single and he can date and do whatever he wants. So this is something you should of addressed with him while you were having sex with him. And setting things on stone. Sadly most people in general just assume things when they hook up with someone or have sex with someone , none of us our mind readers , so you should never expect anything until you communicate with that person and set things in stone. I am single , until I meet a girl that wants what I want , that chooses me over choosing everyone else , just because a girl ends up in bed with me , it doesn’t mean we are in a relationship it just means we like each other and want To get off on each other , unless her and I both agree to be official. I will date multiple girls’ if I want to , when I am single , especially if I am unsure what she is really looking for , me personally isn’t Going to commit to a girl that doesn’t want to commit to me period , if she is dating other guys as well then I am going to date other girls as well , so my ass is single until her and I both agree to not see anyone else

[Tenderhearted]

Unfortunately, y’all were never exclusive. You’re surprised at his character and actions. There’s no means for you to be surprised that he was behaving this way in terms of relationship because y’all were never in one.
If the two of you stated y’all were dating or exclusive then it calls for discomfort.
Your expectations were different and it would have been important to have communicated that in the earlier stages of y’all’s fling if a relationship was what you were seeking.
Otherwise, he thinks y’all are playing the same hook up game or no one’s worried about who’s doing what when and where.
Especially if y’all have been friends casually hooking up over the course of 9 years… it’s just br one routine at that point.

[Tenderhearted]

Friends for 9 years that is, and casually hooking up for a year.

[provokeesmokee]

Sounds like he's just looking for advice on landing sex nights, but he still respects consent and the woman's will.

Not seeing anything red flag worthy in that.

Remember, you're a casual hook up. You're not exclusive.

[CaptainOverthink]

Well, like you've said, you've been hooking up with him yourself without comitting to anything, why are you surprised you're not the first? Or that he is doing this?
I mean did you think he abstained from sex for 9 years to hook up with you every now and again?
Have you not met other people?

I think most people see others on and off over the course of 10years, and some are used to it being hookups, that is just something I assume about most and wouldn't be surprised if one of my friends was revealed to do this.

What will you do?
I'm not sure what to suggest here, it depends on your expectations on this guy and the friends/w benefits- relationship you seem to have with him.

1. Is it very much out of charachter? - Maybe you only hear what he wants to share (common and usually the way communication works) or maybe he has said things in such a way that is easy to misinterpret as being something else. Maybe you just see him in another light now and it's unfortunate your image of him is shattered, but it was your image, he can't control how you think of him.

2. Has he lied about this? - Then he seems a bit shady and manipulative but, since you said you hooked up yourself, I would think he has little to no responsability to be vulnerably honest with you. Hookups are supposed to be somewhat attachment-free, right?

3. Has he made the impression that he is waiting for you or himself to be ready for something with you? - Then, it's a bit deceptive, yes. But also might be the reason he is exploring others, to feel like he has experience and have explored. And he might also understand that this new info about him was something that don't really concern you on the grand scale of things. Everyone has a past and maybe he wanted to have a past before he comitted to one thing, most people do.

[BoopBoopBeep]

MHO right here.

[RealMarek]

Two bits of advice. If you’ve been “hooking up” I’m assuming there was no commitment to monogamy on his part. Ask him if he’s had sex with anyone else (given these messages, he probably has) since he and you have been hooking up and get tested for STDs. The next bit of advice is to insist on commitment and monogamy before having sex with a man, unless you want to find yourself dealing with this again.

[Pacquet]

Not sure what you’re hoping for here. If it’s something more than just hooking up he probably would’ve made that effort. I don’t mean to be so blunt but I want to be clear. We can’t control people and it’s not our job to control people so as far as what you should do is leave that situation if you’re not happy with it.

[madhatters4]

my advice is you should not continue to consider this guy as more than a friend because it seems like he is in hook up mode rather than relationship mode

[EmmaMary]

I seem to remember seeing this almost identical question not so long ago.

[DarkWinterNights]

It kind of sounds like he’s under the impression you and him are friends with benefits. Have you expressed a desire to be exclusive to him?

[Drumlin2001]

Sound like you had different expectations for the situation you're in. You need to talk to him and clarify what he wants and what you want

[BigDog1989]

You're casually dating. That's not anything serious. He's allowed to do what he wants. Just like you are

If you can't handle it DONT FUCKING DO IT

[Reem12345reem]

break up , u seriously want to be with a trash bag like him? find a better guy

[TacosRAwesome]

From what you're saying, he's not your boyfriend so he's free to do what and who he wants. But so are you.

[Anonymous]

Why is this a problem? You said "hooking up". There is no implication of exclusivity in your post nor even an actual defined relationship. Just length of time you've known eachother.

[Asker]

The way we were talking, hanging out, everything felt exclusive that's why I'm so lost in this.

[LiamJHayden]

If there has been no discussion of exclusivity never assume that you are.

[Sabretooth]

He doesn't owe you anything. This is a hookup.

[WhitneySnow]

Break up with him

[Grovermint]

Why care? You're not an item.

[peedy]

Find another man
Shell i give you my number

[WilliamMay30]

Player aka hoe and aid potential lol facts…

[Wise4myage]

Dump his sorry ass.