Why is being in a relationship so scary?

Question

I’m absolutely terrified of being in one. I’m actually stricken with fear that I end up having anxiety. Like, my mind shuts down and my heart races. It’s that bad. But, I usually calm down when I tell myself I don’t have to be in one.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I just read your post and I haven't felt that in years just by reading it I felt the same thing that you were saying that you felt I can't do it like that

If I have to be serious and date somebody you know before getting into a relationship I can never be myself for some reason I don't know what it is but I just tense up and I can never ever be myself and that just ruins the whole thing

So the way I go about it is I walk into it as a friend and if that friendship develops into something then instead of going out on dates and things like that I like to be spontaneous and just go you know I'll ask if you want to go do this and if the answers yes then we go for it but I cannot get myself to ask somebody for a date because it's all planned and you have to be primm and proper and your best behavior LOL I hate that I like just being myself.. so maybe look at it as not a relationship at first just say as a good friendship that my blossom into something that way there's no pressure no no anything really for me for me anyway I can just be myself so maybe try like that

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

good question for a counselor, preferably a Christian counselor, to figure out.

You are afraid of something... gee that's a genius statement hugh? You have to find the root of the fear as it was established in childhood. I had my fears that totally screwed me over for decades. It could be fear of intimacy, fear of rejection, or maybe you saw a bad relationship growing up and you fear that.

Fear is a terrible master. It will steer you in wrong directions and leave you without... possibly alone, which may be another fear. There's no need for that, girls like you find guys, I've seen plenty.

Find Christ if you haven't already, heal the traumas from early life, then start living your life in a better light. You are just getting started...

whoknowsb · Accepted Answer

It can seem scary, because it is not always love and roses and the feeling you have for the other person isn’t going to be stable forever. It has ups and downs, just like the days. So, i think it can be scary to think that it is something to work on, not only the communication, but also specific situations and things you still don’t know about the other person. It is not something you get to experience or know in the first weeks, months or even years. It is always different, but also something worthwhile to try.

Puppystarfish23 · Accepted Answer

In my first relationship I felt super scared of my feelings but that was because my gut instinct was telling me this guy was a dick but my love goggles were saying otherwise.

When met my seen to be husband I didn't feel scared at all I felt like I was just talking to a good friend and when things did get scary like when I was gonna to kiss him for the first time etc I just pushed myself into it because I knew if I didn't I'd regret it and I actually had to stop listening to my head in them moments

Sonorous · Answer

Maybe you're like me? I prefer to be alone & have my own things to worry about? Not having to accommodate so many things just for another person.

mobiusforniner · Answer

If being in a relationship is scary, I would imagine its because you feel vulnerable and/or you are afraid of being alone. Both stem from some sort of childhood abuse. Address the abuse, learn to love yourself and you'll find being with another person becomes not only easier, but beautiful.

whirled_up_girl · Answer

I don't know if I find it scary exactly but I've definitely had some anxiety about getting into something serious again. There are a lot of factors to consider if you value the other person as much as you value yourself. So I think it's normal to have some fears and also to avoid those fears by staying single. I always figure for myself I'll know when the right person comes along and he doesn't then I'll just continue to stay single.

RoseySarah · Answer

Well you don't have to do anything but really it's more the idea of it scaring you!

When dating go as slow as you like get comfy and make the man go at your pace!

If he forced hmdump him before getting feelings like 8 dates!

Walt832 · Answer

I am 33 and only dated in my 24 for 4-5 months. What I learned, we moved too fast didn't last. Is best take it slow and have great communication. Hang out to get to know each other. If your partner pushes you for intimate soon. Just turn around keep moving. Don't search, just go out and let the day surprise you. All this dating apps search I don't recommend. Is best to meet people in person. Go to events 🤷‍♂️.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

My first ex-girlfriend, we rushed into things too fast, she was age 21, and I was age 28 well I gave her an engagement ring and after a month she broke things off with me. Then I was age 35 and dated a girl age 18, and I haven't had a girlfriend since then, but with both girls I met them at a program for persons with mental illnesses, so I warn anyone never make that decision.

Anonymous · Answer

it is? i guess you just haven't found the right person yet then.

are you nervous about your age? breaking up? being cheated on? those are all very valid.

this is coming from an extremely anxious person. every guy just made me nervous. until i found my partner. so just hang in there. maybe seek different ways to cope with this anxiety too in the meantime.

dragoblack · Answer

Because it means showing aspects of yourself that you don't show people and you don't know how they will react to them. It's also a matter of trying to have trust in someone you barely know. There are also so many unknowns, like if they are an abusive, a slob at home, toxic, controlling, manipulative,... etc. it can be a scary thing to trust another, let alone in a relationship

SeekingSubmission · Answer

HONESTLY IT'S REALLY NOT AND WHEN YOU ARE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON YOU FEEL COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE WITH THEM BY YOUR SIDE CUDDLING UP TO YOU AT NIGHT WHILE YOU GOTO SLEEP!
(USUALLY AFTER YOU HAVE AMAZING SEX WITH EACH OTHER AND GET EXHAUSTED!

Anonymous · Answer

Have you ever had a full on relationship? The rewards are great when they work and together you can be stronger than you alone.

Living in fear is no fun at all. You might want to work with someone on the causes. But all said and done, no reason for you to get in one. With trying once though before giving up.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Possibly trust issues.
You have to trust who you are with, and I'm thinking most of us have gotten burned at one time or another, or he might hear you fart and find out that you are a normal person after all.

serious · Answer

Yes it is a big risk, it is an unknown and an uncharted territory especially for someone who has always been single.

There is always a chance of your partner not being loyal or losing attraction towards you and of course heartbreak.

exitseven · Answer

Anything good that happens to you involves hard work or some risk. It is part of the process. I was deathly afraid of asking out a girl. Even if I was sure that she was into me I was unable to make a move.
You have to face your fear.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's a lot of pressure, responsibility, vulnerability. Also, I think people get freaked out when they realize that they can do nothing wrong and still fail because the person they trusted just decided to pull the rug out from under them.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I’m not sure why you’re so scared. Maybe because you’ve never been in one? But you absolutely can stay single as long as you want.

loveslongnails · Answer

It's only scary to some people. Billions of others do it, and even if they're scared a bit going into it, they work through it or not. If you're too afraid, don't get into one.

Jazzy54 · Answer

Have you considered therapy? That’s not a normal reaction. Were you cheated on by an ex or something?

WhereIsMyMind · Answer

They can be daunting. But I'm most afraid of it losing its spark, of the little things we do for each other fading away

Marcuslrh · Answer

It's not, your fear is either coming from past trauma or it's just fear from lack of experience.

Anonymous · Answer

Because it requires complete trust in another and dedication to be trustworthy yourself. I'm married. I've never been cheated on or dumped and honestly the thought of it terrifies me.

LiamJHayden · Answer

The vulnerability, the ability of the other person to perhaps mess you up. Even if it is unintentional, the other person might not be on the same page and end up disappointing you.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Maybe you're affraid that what if not works out or he dumps you after years, it happens, you're right to be affraid from it unless you find a guaranteed guy who will never dumps you 😄

Mansearching · Answer

Bc you don't know which way its going to go.

Wonderingguyy · Answer

Because the worst thing that could happen to you is losing them- so that possibility is scary.

Nominal · Answer

Maybe u had bad experience? Abusive in some way partner? Because live and relationship shouldn't bring u anxiety, fear, stress etc.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

Is there a reason? Did you just have a break up or was the last one abusive?

dudeinohio · Answer

You need experience in a relationship. It really isn't scary. You sell yourself short really .

SL1CK_BL1CK · Answer

“I can’t trust people enough beyond my surface world “ - Kendrick Lamar

jimmy2 · Answer

Ohh baby go to doctor get exicity pill it will help

NewgodOmega · Answer

Look in the mirror you will get the newer

sheikalana · Answer

I don't know it never scared me.

gorydetails · Answer

It isn't scary. It's fun.

Anonymous · Answer

Have u ever been in one?

Why is being in a relationship so scary?

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