Woman having 20+ sex partners in the past - red flag for long term relationship?

[Anonymous]

Updates

+1 y

I am in love with this woman, people have misunderstood my question. I want long term relationship with her. But will her past affect her for commitment is my main reason behind the question.

[Ozanne]

Wow. Such a hang up about numbers from a man in his 30s?

Just before meeting my husband in my 30s, I had 21 partners.

What do you expect women to do all their adult lives until they meet "the one"? Most of us women have sexual experiences in our teens. (Personally, I lost my virginity at 16, and it was with someone who was my boyfriend for two years.)

Throughout a woman's adult life, she'll have mini relationships, sometimes she'll get into longer term relationships. Peppered in, are going to be flings that she may or may not have expected to be so short-lived. I know I didn't! I had a few flings hoping they'd turn in to more, but didn't, so -- flings they remained. Stretch out the time, and before you know it, you have a woman who hits 30 who has several lovers from her past.

We normally don't go whoring around hoping that that's all we'll get out of guys. We have sex about as much as the men we're having sex with. We have sex because it's pleasurable. We have sex because we hope it will start a romance. We have sex because it's a mistake we don't realize is a mistake at the time. Those men too from our teen years onward also have notches on their bedpost too, you know -- thanks to us -- all having sex for the exact same reasons.

So given your age, if I were to assume the woman is close to you in age, I say give her a break. It's not how many men she's slept with, but how much she loves and respects you now in the relationship she in. I guarantee that there are men we would gladly love to forget about, and wish to wipe their body from our count if we could, but we can't.

[Chthou95]

Holy shit

[Jkgordon]

If they tell yes but it’s reality most women do sleep around because of men begging for sex

[EricSummer]

You have already been with her for a year so now is not the time to hold her past against her.

An old song from 1996 teaches us: "If you want my future, forget my past." (Wannabe, Spice Girls)

It's not ideal, but even in a short time of casual encounters using a dating app a woman could easily reach that number. You can give her stability instead and chances are good she will like that better than her previous adventures.

[CoolCatMar1]

Not all women have such a high body count though lol

[KrakenAttackin]

Just don't marry her.

[EricSummer]

@CoolCatMar1 - That's right. In the U. S., 50% of women have had 3 sexual partners or less. Only about 5% have had 20 or more (Institute for Family Studies). It's clear that this concerns only a minority.

Still, what's all the statistics when he wants that one woman? She is not available with a different past now. In a relationship, a single ex can be more of a problem if she still misses him. I doubt she misses any of the 20 dudes. Soon they can likely celebrate her longest relationship and then he will be the top man in her life even historically speaking.

[Asker]

@ericsummer
your opinion is so spot on!

thank you so much, I love her irrespective of her past and I want to be her present and future now.

[KrakenAttackin]

@ericsummer. Those are horrible lies. I have known women who think anal sex is not 'sex" , or of the guy uses a condom or doesn't cum inside her, it's not sex, or if it's only one time, or if it's out of country or town, it's not sex.

Bro, women lie terribly about their sexual partners. The average college girl admits to 12 different sexual partners through just four years alone.

[Flatmanlewis]

I’d have to know more about the circumstances. It’s not a red flag but I may not be interested in that type of person either. The other way to look at it is this - let’s just not talk about our body count.

[Fireguy17]

Nope, not at all.

My number is way higher than that and it didn't bother my wife at all.

[Anonymous]

personally, yes. i'm assuming she hasn't had 20+ relationships. so i'm assuming she slept around or was easy.

[DextroShade]

I am picturing that meme with the line of naked men. Yes that is too many, she belongs to the streets!

[Spongebobssocks]

I'd stay away from a man with a past like that.. I fully understand why men would too

[Spongebobssocks]

Update: its your life, your choice do what you want. But if I were you I wouldn't wife her up

[TruthBeTold77]

If a man had 20+ partners would it be a red flag? If the answer is no then quit being a sexist pig but if the answer is yes then just find someone else 💁

[ohmyguy]

don't ask don't tell... maybe it should be the prerequisite

it'd actually usually double that number at least.. but either way you'll never really know..

[OlderAndWiser]

What is your number?

[Asker]

1 - I was in relationship during my college & it took me 10 years to fall in love again.
Now I am in love with this woman, people have misunderstood my question. I want long term relationship with her. But will her past affect her for commitment is my main reason behind the question.

[OlderAndWiser]

Fair enough! The question you want to ask is, "can a woman with that number settle down into an exclusive relationship or is she just into a pattern of casual sex and move on to the next guy?" Is that the real question?

[Asker]

Yes that's the one

[KrakenAttackin]

Once past five, a woman's ability to bond with a man is seriously impaired.

[exitseven]

I would think so. Sex is not like shaking hands.

[sheikalana]

I'd consider this a red flag.

[boggboss]

If that is somthing u care about sure

[Asker]

it was her past and she wanted to be honest from the start

[Asker]

She is seeing me for almost a year and we both are in love

[boggboss]

So why is this a issue now if she was honest from the start 1 year in

[Asker]

I am in love with this woman, people have misunderstood my question. I want long term relationship with her. But will her past affect her for commitment is my main reason behind the question.

[In_Trance]

would you buy a car with 400,000 miles on it?

[Chthou95]

Red flag. That's a sign to steer clear

[Mamaliv]

Nope

[Nikki1989]

Wow, insecure much?

[ohmyguy]

Oh im actualy quite secure in my insecurities.. at42 fall short of 20 partners im an socially defiecant financially weak most my life.. .. im grateful for. the woman whos comany i did have.. best experiences i artribute to the ones on the. high end if that spectrum reason for that huge drop. in the hoops to. jump. through.. when it came down to. sex .. if i can't secure a sure thing around day 5 or so trail get cold.. n tracks show indications that other beasts on prowl for that meat... dating duration stayed about. the same.3 to.5 months... ended by her due to stall mate.. lets say..

[ohmyguy]

If i get a 4 month run with a girl once a year.. good year.. 3 catch n release in one year.. also
A good year.

[ohmyguy]

All that in one emotionaly exausted.. finances irrepairably taxed .. Socialy worse off leading to long n painful. road stuck in perpetual recovery

[Anonymous]

I think so.

[Safaalove]

Yes its a redflags

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Opinion Owner]

It's funny the women criticizing you. You stupid 20 not 2. For the women who are criticizing it kind of makes you wonder about them. I mean I get making mistakes. But you have to make the same mistake 20 times before getting it right?😆

[Opinion Owner]

Said* not stupid. Friggin autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

Definitely

[Anonymous]

Undoubtedly yes.