I don't know, guess it really depends on how insecure you are about it. I mean I don't get into the details of my previous sexual relationships. When I meet someone that I feel there is a serious connection with, I tend to judge them soley based upon their interactions with me. Because people do change over time, and they live and learn and try to make improvements to themselves and their approach to different relationships. I truly believe that, and I believe that people with a true and genuine heart approach each possible relationship with the best of intentions and strive to do the right things. That also means that in the past they learned what the right things were by making mistakes that resulted in failures.
So not enough sexual history could be just as bad if not worse than too much... but on some level if I truly care about a person should it really matter?
Your 20 years old, so at 20 this mattered a lot more to me... because I was dating women in my age group. At 20 I was just starting out in life and there was a lot of things I had not experienced yet. At 20 there is so much growing and maturing yet to happen yet, and at that age I wanted to find a woman that I could grow with and experience those things together with for the first time. So, at 20 if she had that huge of past, maybe she is not the right person for me. Because at 20 she's may not be in a good place to have taken the time to really do that self-reflection... meaning maybe she is still making all those mistakes and has yet to really take the true meaning and benefits from those mistakes yet. Then again at 20, if I could get laid, I did not get to wrapped up about the future and stayed in the moment and had as much fun as possible.
Now at 46 everyone including myself has a shit ton of history, and I would not give that up for anything... but I am 46 now and I have a solid grasp on what I want and like in a woman, and I do not give a shit if she fucked 20 guys in her 20's... because I was a man whore in my 20's as well. And because of that experience I am a better love, man and person today.
Mine will be an unpopular opinion. I don't think it matters. It didn't matter when I married my wife and when I was dating seriously. I also think it's totally okay if it does matter to a man or woman. It just doesn't matter to me.
As whether it's a realistic preference? I don't think so. Because the goal posts are different for each man and each woman. Let's say a woman decided that she wanted to keep a low body count because she thought body count mattered to men. So she kept her number at 5. First, it becomes arbitrary. Then, she cheats herself out of possible pleasure. And, after all that, some man may have a different definition and for him 5 is too many even though they might have been a great couple who could have a very successful LTR or marriage.
And your final question is the one where the whole thing falls apart. Right. Who sets the magic number. And is it actual bodies? Does oral sex count? Just hands? Nudity? Sexting?
Again, I respect those to whom this is important, but it's not for me. If I were still dating/finding someone, all that would matter is whether they're free of STIs and that we worked as a relationship. The past is the past.
If you judge someone for actions they committed in the past, it's probably one of the dumbest things I can think of. Yes, there are definitely red flags to be found in ALL of our pasts, but the defining factor isn't whether or not we did those things that our partner might not like, it's if we will continue to do those things based on who we are now versus who we were then. If you judge your potential spouse based on how many people they slept with before you, I genuinely think that's just a sign of insecurity telling you that you're not good enough and you'll never be good enough because they had someone better than you, despite them telling you that whoever it was that "better" than you isn't the person with which they wanted to spend the rest of their lives.
It is a scientific fact that as women increase in sexual partnerships, their potential to hold a stable relationship decreases several fold since they cannot emotionally connect to someone. There are red flags to be found in all our pasts, yes. But nothing as detrimental to relationships as this that often. Just like I wouldn't consider an ex criminal for a potential mate. Women ( and men too), often judge their partners based on superficial characteristics like looks, height, income and the like... which most people encourage. No one is saying to any women, ugly or short men should be given a fair chance. So I believe, I am entitled to a standard which judged individuals through their actions, things under their own control. Any objections?
I can’t change your values, nor can I stop you from dating who you want to date, but it all just sounds like insecurity or not liking yourself enough to me.
I dont want someone who’s slept with a bunch of people. Just comes across as kinda dirty and easy to me. A bunch to me, is anything more than a handful. Other people can do as they please but this is just my preference
Im not a virgin but i’ve been with 2 with no intentions of surpassing 3. I would prefer to date someone with less than 5 partners, even a virgin. Thanks for mho
Exactly. But i also look at how many they were with in a year. Timing matters. I’ve been in several relationships but not everyone got something sexual out of me. And the two i had sex with, happened many years apart AND we were in a longterm relationship AND they didn't even get sex until deep into the relationship. I mean one technically took advantage. But for the one i willingly gave it to, we were actually trying to remain celibate to marriage and just couldnt outlast the tease after a year and a half in
I would have preferred to still be a virgin too because unmarried sex is overrated.
Opinion
39Opinion
Yes, sexual partner past and count should be a major factor in determining a partner in which to marry. It demonstrates their respect for themselves, respect for the past partners, for act of sex itself, and their general judgment and decision-making abilities. People do not normally change for the better and when one has been in an immoral sexual dynamic it further removes the ability to bond and maintain through the roller coaster that a marriage is.
Their Past demonstrates a run away from difficulties and/or seek the next best and new sexual experience mentality. One does not need a PhD to see that the inability to keep a Decency, as related to sexual morality, will not work out well for the Couple itself future. People do not suddenly become something they are not because you walk into their lives.
Yes, if the past is an extreme one.
Think of buying a used car. Would you prefer the car with 1 million miles or the car with 1,000 miles? Likewise, less mileage in women is better. Women don't seem to handle the baggage of past relationships as easily/well as most guys do. So her 100 miles is like a guy's 5 million miles too. When you get with a woman who has lots of mileage it is complicating things.. if not now then later on.
That said, I also would not simply think of her past. It's about who she IS. Usually the problem is that she IS exactly what she's been for X number of years but now she's pretending to be something else. It's similar to if you saw restaurant reviews online and they said a place had 1 star out of 5 and tons of negative reviews. You'd be a fool to go eat there. But what if the bad reviews were all from 2-5 years ago and the recent reviews are good? That's different.
At your age you should definitely be able to find someone close to your age with low or zero mileage. But never forget that you should also be looking at her character. A woman with no baggage at all but horrible character is STILL a bad choice.
Absolutely, safety concerns and cheating risks go hand in hand with body count.
People with high body counts (that aren't old), do not vet sexual partners well enough, if they spent several years learning about their partner before having sex with them, the high body count wouldn't be possible, and cheating is far less likely.
Older people with high body counts might be vetting partners since they were alive long enough to do that and still get to a high body count, but to have that many partners over the years, and still be single? Your character judgment must suck if you picked that many bad people while trying to get a real match.
Yes. Yes. & Yes. Past relationship are not only important for sexual history but also mental history. Someone who has been abused sexually will not behave in the same way as someone who hasn't when it comes to sex in a relationship. Also someone who has been careless sexually ( a lot of bodies ) will continue to do so. Thinking with their sexual parts instead.. it's so many factors I could name but Ill end it with this.. I dated a girl for a few months without discussing sexual history. I showed my brother a picture of her and he showed me a picture right back of him and her together... needless to say. We were dipping in the same honey pot. She knew the whole time. The relationship ended expeditiously.. Be Careful Fellas - The Guru
If it’s important to you, it should be a consideration for you. We don’t get to decide these things for other people. Yet, too many people are out here trying to tell others how they should think, feel and behave. If you’re not hurting others or taking things away from them, you should be allowed to do whatever you want. That is liberty. That’s the one true “American way”. Somewhere along the line, we forgot that and it will be the end of us.
I think it should be important to an extent. I think a lot of men from my observations would prefer a virgin to marry because they say they don't want used goods, but they will take a girl for marriage if she had little partners. Women more often prefer to know he's sexually experienced, but they also don't want to marry a player who did a ton of girls. I think the idea behind is that people with lower body count would be more loyal and therefore make for better long term partners.
i think generally women don't reallu care about the sexual past of the guy unless he has sexual illnesses due to such activities but for me personally the more womem yoy fuck or the more gfs you had it's gonnq be hard for me to believe that if we end uo together you will be loyal to me. but then of course people change. i think regardless of gender it's just normal to check the history of the person because from that you will have an idea how it's gonna be with this person.
The expressions are: "Live and learn".
"Fool me ONCE shame on YOU; ... fool me TWICE, shame on ME".
So...
being 'experienced' is not the same as having been 'used'!
There are MANY single parents who learned hard life lessons.
Abandoned offspring, incurable communicable social diseases all
factor into such life-shaping decisions. There IS a difference between being
emotionally 'pre-owned' and a 'used rental'.
No. Because we should look at who people are today and maybe that’s a product of a lot of mistakes that they’ve made. It’s not right to judge them for things they can’t change. Maybe it took someone a lot of loveless hookups to realize they’re worth being loved. Or maybe someone had to be a jerk before they realized they need to treat people better.
without going much into details the answer is both yes and no. but 1st i feel the need to point out the falacy in the body of your question in regards to this part "is this a reasonable prefference?" as the fact it is a prefference makes calling it reasonable or not inapplicable.
Reflections on the significance of body counts.
Body counts might be the only measure of the probability of future infidelities you can get. Keep in mind women lie like hell about this number.
As long as the person with the high body count is determined to stop doing it and is *able* to stop doing it there is no problem - except this usually fails.
In considering this, I have finally concluded (and conceded) that there is an increased probability of infidelity with high body counts, signifying a potential problem for an exclusive relationship:
It is entirely possible to become addicted to your own neurotransmitter substances that are involved in orgasm and pleasure (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and others). Because these substances make you feel so good, and the lack of them makes you feel bad (withdrawal), like any other drug addict you are going to seek them obsessively - in this case by having sex. A lower frequency of sex of a lower variety (marital sex) will entrain neurotransmitters to some degree, but the optimal case for the addict is a lot of frequent, novel sexual experiences - a lot of sex with a lot of new partners - which is good for the addict but probably not so good for her marriage or relationship.
All of this is also genderized in that it is relatively easy for women to satisfy their sexual needs since almost all men will agree to have sex if simply asked; for men, obtaining sex is often an expensive and frustrating task since women often refuse sex or make it contingent on a whole list of demands.
The probability of addiction increases as a function of the number of sexual experiences a person has. Most drug addicts have relapses or fail to stop using at all. When an addiction to your own neurochemistry is present, and sex is the way you obtain your drugs, a single relapse with someone other than your significant other may be fatal to your relationship.
It depends on whether or not it's important to the individual, but generally speaking, I'd say the lower the body count, the better.
I guess some don't like the idea of men daring to have standards.
I don’t think we should judge. But I think it’s valid to have a preference, my friends with benefits has a body count of 23 even though he’s only 18 and it does worry me, and I think that’s valid.
Why is that disgusting?
A long time ago, I thought that would matter to me but later realized that it really didn't and it still doesn't.
To some it does while it doesn't to others.
There is no general answer for this as it totally depends on how you personally feel about it. In my case I'd say no generally assuming there is no sexual criminal past.
Yes.
Promiscuous people don't value intimacy. Plus they are the exact opposite of me
I do, but only in that if her body count is higher than mine I'm not interested. Statistically the higher body count, the less chances of a happy marriage. And before some worthless piece of shit feminist attacks me. I did say higher than mine. When I got married, my body count including my wife was 7, hers was 5, and I got married at age 31. That's 7 women between the ages of 16 and 31.. Which means I'm not into casual sex. And I'm not interested in women who were into casual sex either.
Absolutely, it takes a certain type of character to have a low body count and another to have a high number. Personally, I wouldn't date a man with a body count higher than mines (which is zero).
It may help understand who they are a little, but its just a drop i the overall who they are that should be the matter in long term
Yes a slave should be disciplined for every orgasm that incurred without proper projection of it into the realm of Bean2k21. Only then can the sexual soul learn how to claim one's orgasms in the orgasmosphere.
It's up to what the person wants. After some exploration and deliberation I can conclude that I prefer someone with some experience but not a lot.
Yeah not a virgin and it's not about being judged, it's about having similar interests and values.
Your past is your past... not that I even recall the number, but I would never even answer that question
Most everything should be considered. How much importance you place on it is your decision.
Until you can buy cloned people off a store shelf that are waiting for the battery to be inserted and memory downloaded. No.
Sexual past is water under the bridge, you and your SO are in the now. All it really spells out is sexual experience. The only measure I would judge by is loyalty, truthfulness, and faithfulness if coarse is set for long term.
Yea, as I don't marry a ho, the measure is the more D she had on her the more ho she is.
quite funny how men on here say that sexual count should matter if most guys can't get past the 3rd date without having sex.
Yeah of course. If your sexual past was filled with hook ups and hookers then chances are you might have something you could pass on and at the very least you might find it hard to leave that lifestyle behind
Our pasts are our pasts. It was/is not a consideration for me.
It wouldn't bother me, but if it bothers you then consider it. You can't get married with some silent misery forcing you to judge her and denigrate her until bitter divorce.
Yes. Personally even though I was a virgin I found it attractive that my husband had been with other women and had no problem attracting them.
Oh it would have.
Nah i dont think so
What matters is if tht person is really into u or not
It is none of anyone's business, and it is a huge red flag if anyone asks those kinds of questions. Instant dealbreaker.
Nobody has that right. Its insulting.
Yes. It's highly important to judge a woman on her sexual history. The more committed the relationship the higher of a standard she should meet.
There's no general answer. Some people care and some don't.
If his or her past is in the past, why does it matter today. Let it go and move on.
Alright, you just answered your post.
10000000%
men invest insane amounts of money, emotion, time, etc into a relationship… so if the female has no standards, value, class, or dignity… it’s like investing in a busted ass over used expired jalopy of a person
You can't turn a whore into a housewife bro.
Bad combo you either consider that or consider the relationship leave it alone and live your life.
Yes 100%
, LOL see how most women are saying " NO"😂 that should tell you a lot about their dark past.
Definitely. You see people are simple creatures. And if you someone seeks validation through sex, naive of you to think you will change that.
Only if you suspect some mental issues are involved.
I'm talking about women who have counts in the thousands, and I've met two of them. Any woman can walk into a bar and get laid. Some do it everyday. So that's at LEAST 365 per year.
It cost her her marriage, children and family. I felt bad for her. She had a mental illness. And she was smoking hot, so the temptation from offers was way more than most women get.
Should it? That's up to you.
Is it generally considered my majority? Yes.
Only if you're a virgin. I'm a virgin so it's okay if I want a virgin man.
No. Experienced people are better for different reasons
Nope, it's not their business nor is it my business to know theirs.
No! If said sexual past didn't end up on the news, don't ask!
I don't know probably up to the individual and how picky they want to be.
how do you get along, what do you have in common, what are differences, can you be friends, do you like her
It is a personal choice. Not necessary for me.
I don't think that it should be a problem us less one of you make it a problem
Absolutely, and the facts support that.
To a certain extent, but no, not really.
People can lie.
True, but discerning if it's 7 or 70 might not be easy
Judging a book by its cover can be dangerous.
Yes, it should
I don’t like high body count
Absolutely, nowadays Especially
Wait a minute………… Yes
It should be. Too much of nothing is good
Anything too much is hardly ever good
No, but she should tell you if she has STDs/STIs.
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