Is knowing your partner's past important to you to keep the relationship going?

[melnc]

[Anonymous]

It depends if their past is still impacting their future.

Honestly some doors are better left shut. For instance one of my ex gfs grilled the living hell out of me about my “number”. It’s actually very high but I didn’t want her knowing that. I saw nothing good coming out her knowing that. She even volunteered sensitive information about her past expecting me to volunteer that info. However I didn’t give in.

But I don’t know share my “number” with any gfs. Reason why is I a not nor ever will be a cheater. And I don’t have any kids or other issues as a result of my past sexual decisions. So what’s the point of her knowing that? Again nothing good can come out of it.

Anyway you need to determine if someone’s past impacts them in the present moment first. There are usually signs if that is the case. THEN you have more of a right to ask questions. Also don’t ask questions that you won’t be able to handle the answer too.

[Tstrbrainer]

It matters to them, so you should tell

[Opinion Owner]

@Tstrbrainer but “why” does it matter to them? So they get paranoid that I will cheat despite never being a cheater? There is reality and perception OF reality. For many people (especially women) the “perception” of reality IS reality given they are emotionally driven.

[Tstrbrainer]

If they want a man who hasn't slept around, what's wrong with that?

[Opinion Owner]

@Tstrbrainer there is nothing wrong with that. But a man who has slept around and still wants to sleep around will act and behave differently vs. one who hasn’t slept around or has in the past but has made a fundamental decision to change and commit.

My brother is an example. In his younger days he was big time manwhore. But when he met his wife he completely changed from his past ways. They have been happily married for 10 years now and they have two kids. They don’t have any major problems.

Now what happened if my sister in law decided to reject my brother back early in the process? The marriage and kids wouldn’t of ever happened. Maybe they would of found someone else. But that wouldn’t of been any guarantee.

I get it that women and men want a reliable and trusted partner. But if you are going to automatically assume that no one is beyond repentance and grace to be able to change from their past decisions than you are going to have an extremely limited options. The person you want may not even exist.

[Tstrbrainer]

Yeah but dating preferences, however shallow are valid.
If someone don't want a partner with high body count, they don't want it.
It's not very good to avoid that conversation

[GallopAcrossEurope]

It's important. You definitely want to know how many men she broke up and how she feels about them for example, because that could be an early warning flag for an exploitative or really short-term relationship. Or her relationship with family, as they could impact your life in a significant way.

[Sarahr123]

The past is such a complicated thing. I have an ex which was super long term (8+ years) and I am not over it. I don’t know if I will ever properly be over it. Yeah after him I found one or two guys attractive but I didn’t get attached/fall in love or feel anything even remotely close to what it was with my first relationship.

[astrophelle]

It matters history repeats itself, people do not change. It’s good to know her past and pick out a pattern in her lifestyle so that I know what to expect!!

[Genie23]

I do want to know the moment I get close because that's when I'm starting to consider keeping him in my life in future.

[Pinay_ako]

If I’m dead serious with building a future with him, I’d wanna know his past and I’ll tell him mine.

[HighValue]

Yes. It shows their morals, and how effective their decision making ability is. It can also show if they learn from the outcomes of their decisions in life, or if they make the same mistakes repeatedly. Some things in their past can show how much willpower, determination, and self discipline they have.

[humanearth]

Nope, knowing it might do more damage then good

[Katebfun]

Exactly. Also you risk them holding your past against you

[humanearth]

The younger you are the more true this statement is.

Young people are very insecure about themselfs and their partners. So dating in your teens to your late 20s (sometimes up to mid 30s) its a wild roller coaster ride of emotions.

As you age you'll notice this within yourself.

[Adaeva]

Yes and even more so than if a government position that requires a security clearance. As I understand it, they will require a great amount of information, ask many questions, and even do a background investigation.

[Googlemyahoo]

Yes. I found out a girl I was dating was an escort lol. She told me I was different from all the other guys. I was like what because I don’t pay?

[Kabluie]

We'd have those Tuesday dinner at the table to talk about the past, sometimes it's just to connect memories when we were apart kind of things. But it can be good to learn things to make the relationship even stronger.

[EricSummer]

We find the answer in an old song:

"If you want my future, forget my past." (Spice Girls, 1996)

[Simslover92]

Yes it is. I want to know everything about my partner. I feel that's the only way it will last long term.

[JBlade]

Yes, it’s foolish and immature to not know information about someone if you intend to have a long term relationship with.

[Princess3335]

Being aware of your partners past isn't necessarily to "keep the relationship going." It's essential to build a connection with the person.

[DizzyDesii]

Yes. I want to know before I even become official with them

[Jazzy54]

For me, yes. I’d like to know about him. If he*doesn’t* tell me about himself, that’s suspicious to me.

[sheikalana]

No, what is done is done and nothing can change that.

[Anonymous]

Not really, if I care about the dude and he knows how to make me feel good, I don't care about his past.

[exitseven]

I think it would help me understand her better.

[noohair]

I think that some things should be kept in the past and that 2 people should start with a clean slate.

[shades777]

It matters to know their character but things like work history past relationships don't matter as much unless she has a crazy ex, that I need to know

[LivingExample]

If there is something in his past that can come back and affect your relationship that is something you need to know!

[BrookeS]

Not at all, whatever they did in the past is past. shouldn't stop us from moving forward.

[straightmax12]

Yes. Because you don't want any suprises, even if the partner's past may or may not affect you or your loved ones.

[Nikki1989]

No, it is none of my business.

[Agape93]

About some things, yeah

[collie22]

Just a hint is enough

[In_Trance]

It's absolutely not important

[Pterodon]

Yes I think so

[Anonymous]

Absolutely

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

All men are thief. I won’t trust him

[Amishaxx]

Of course.

[Kelly6]

no not at all

[RosyBeak100]

Past matters.