So I’ve been thinking about finding a partner. But relationships scare me. The tension and uncertainty of someone scares me. If I’m too afraid. Am I better off staying alone for life?
It’s all up to you. Nobody can decide that for you but not everyone wants to be alone forever, not that anything is wrong with it but it’s only a natural desire that most actually majority of us humans desire love, comfort, and security. Relationships are stressful yes, they’re scary too, they’re full of ups and downs like everything in life. They take effort, patience, communication, trust, honesty and compatibility. For all we know, tomorrow is never promised either. We could get in a car crash and die (not trying to scare anyone ) , we could suddenly lose our home, we could have a severe natural doomsday disaster, wrong place wrong time, etc. Relationships aren’t the only scary things or risks even if these other situations don’t scare you or affect you as much. If someone would’ve asked me a year ago, I would’ve said “fuck it I give up on love forever” no going back, no ifs, ands or buts. I wasn’t even thinking I was gonna find my fiancé and it wasn’t gonna feel so heavy and stressful to let someone in my heart again but once he came along, my whole persona changed. Sometimes it honestly is just the right person. I wasn’t even expecting I was gonna meet him or find someone like him. Then again I’ve always wanted to find my person and build a family, and grow old with my true love, but I know that’s not everyone’s goal.
Life can be stressful in general and I still wouldn't stop living my life.
That’s the determination that I’ve made. I might have a friends with benefits at some point but I’m not going beyond that any more. I’ve got years of misery to support my decision whereas you are aware and are apprehensive. I now know that I have deficiencies in understanding women to the point that I will drive the relationship in the wrong direction. I’m kind and patient and generous but I am on the spectrum so I miss too much. She’d have to be an honorable woman every minute of the day to not choose to take advantage of that. So I pick bad women. There are awesome women out there but I never developed a relationship with one to that point. I finally just had to admit my shortcomings and choose to be alone, focus on the relationships with my daughters and be a better dad with fewer distractions in the meantime. When they are older maybe they’ll be my filter and help me in my potential future relationship with someone. Who likes to admit this? I can’t do it on my own. But for now it’s necessary and better.
i hope you find what you need, kiddo.
Hopefully you will be back to normal then you decide what next step for you.
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Well just because you're single doesn't mean you have to be alone that's for sure
But yeah I don't need to be in a stressful relationship there's no reason for the stress the relationship you're supposed to be happy
Wheww, I think I can relate on some level. Relationships are often more complicated than they need to be.
At my age I've experienced pretty much every high and low that a relationship can offer, including marriage, children and divorce. I'm on dating apps again for the second chapter of my life and yes it scares me a bit. But I persevere.
I am content being single and do nearly everything I would with a partner as a single. This includes going out, traveling... you name it. And it's easy for me to do so, but I won't lie, I would much rather have a committed partner to experience life with.
So to answer your question, for me, No, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I would say never stop looking, because you never know!
in my opinion, living your whole life alone is far scarier. You won't always have parents to count on, and even your closest friends may not be able to make you a priority exactly when you need it most.
You could be dead, or worse, severely disabled, because you got sick or got an infection or fever or something else normally survivable and didn't have someone to take care of you. The list of things that could happen to you are endless, and women who live alone are one of the highest targeted groups.
Plus, 60 years of loneliness and not having anyone to share your life experiences with seems awfully bleak to me.
Of course being with someone requires making some compromises, but most people would agree that those are minor losses compared to what you gain.
But you are an adult and can make your own decisions. Just don't blame anyone else for any consequences that result from those decisions - you own those, good or bad.
If you truly feel that way. The point of having a partner is to be happy not sad. And no, I wouldn't choose be with, stay with someone who just made me feel with nothing but anxiety. Even the BEST relationships you're still going to have problems. But to my mind it's as simple as asking yourself, "does this person make me feel better or worse the majority of the time". If it's the latter then what are you doing?
If you've never had a guy that made you feel that safe, loved, and valued then you probably just haven't found the right guy. I've found a couple women like that so I know they're rare. But they DO exist.
My best advice to you is "don't put so much pressure on yourself". There's no law that says you have to have these questions answered at 25.
You should identify exactly what it is that scares you. Is it the added responsibility? Is it the fear of losing a sense of independence? Are you afraid of choosing wrong? Of getting involved with something you don’t feel mature enough for? All of the above?
It’s fairly normal- but if you dwell too much on them and never address or overcome them it can lead to an unfulfilling life.
What are you afraid of? If its losing the relationship then not having it is just losing it forever.
If its dealing with anther person, how do you manage at work? Just follow rules.
If its your independence either build that into the rules or you really do want to be single.
I wouldn’t use this site as a litmus. Can be good for advice, but ironically not the place to pick people up. There are some miserable, and butt hurt people here, me included. We’re all different people in person with our filters on.
You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. You should feel free to explore and engage as you wish. I know life doesn’t always run on our schedule, but we’re trying.
Why are they stressful? Are you or are they the ones bringing in the stress? If there is any stress, it may be that it is not the one for you. The real stresses come when you are ending the relationship, and it's drama.
I rather be single, because I like to be independent
If tension and uncertainty scare you, try to seek someone who is consistent and calm. That might help.
Yes you are correct, staying alone is the best thing. This is what I am doing. It just is not worth it, the low is always lower than the high. If you are not super attractive and/or wealthy it is best to be alone.
To me, a good relationship is better than being single. Being single is better than a mediocre or bad relationship.
Relationships are one of those things that are high risk, high reward. The real question you should be asking is: is the possibility of heartbreak worse than spending your entire life alone?
People who can't tolerate relationships should just stay away from it. You are just ruining things for everyone else.
Stop hiding behind a veneer of being a badass and practice vulnerability with people you trust. If you truly trust somebody then they will not scare you.
Yes it's better to stay alone...
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