Do you share specifics of what makes your partner special to you, or do you share vague generalities and expect your partner to guess what you mean?

[caring__1]

In other words, do you say “I love you,” or do you say “I love waking up next to you, feeling your warmth and knowing this is where I belong and will always be safe”? Do you say “dinner was good,” or do you say “adding cloves to this dish was a pleasant surprise and added a unique zing”? Do you just give the words the other wants to hear to shut them up?

Though I like the images DALL-E3 comes up with, its spelling is challenging.

[silyt_ghoest]

i don’t got a partner, but i don’t really compliment other than “thank you” unless im tryna gain trust. dick move, i know, but im running for student council president. most of the time my comments are observations. They commonly come off as rude tho and i end up panicking. like one time i told a guy i had a crush one he looked like a seahorse on accident, and he was liek “what?” and i was like “that’s good, by the way, im not trying to be rude or anything.” and he was like. “well I've never been called a seahorse in a derogatory way so i suppose it’s a compliment.” another time i accidentally told a girl she looked like a hamster. i actually have this problem with doing that a lot, but people remind me so much of animals. anyway, i just say my opinion haha. like. “this garlic bread is good it tastes like sweater smell.”

[caring__1]

Before you say or do anything, ask yourself whether you'd truly appreciate (not just tolerate) being on the receiving end of what you plan to dish out. If you wouldn't appreciate it, come up with an alternative. Practice with someone you trust and who will help you see other alternatives. If you want to say someone looks like a seahorse, follow it up with how seahorses are special to you. Let's say someone has a pet pig he loves. He comes up to you and says "You remind me of a pig." Though he may see it as something positive, would you?

People commonly choose to be vague and general, so they can't be held accountable for anything. They can always say "You misinterpreted me." You'll generally prefer the results if you are specific. Be clear and concise rather than ramble and just end up confusing the other person. You may legitimize what you say by saying this is your honest opinion, but if they don't understand it, they'll just get on the defensive. Be considerate of others if you want them to be considerate of you.

It sounds like you're more in tune with your senses and animals than people. Until people understand this, they'll probably respond poorly to what makes total sense to you. It would be like talking English (which makes total sense to you) to someone who only speaks and understands Swahili. I'm not making a diagnosis, but merely an observation based on what you are sharing. People with Asperger's Syndrome often tend to bond more easily with animals than they do with people. They are also very in tune to their senses and can feel overwhelmed by certain sensations. These people are often said to be on the Spectrum, as symptoms can range from very subtle to extreme, and it's not uncommon for these people to never be diagnosed. They are not incapable of being fully functional in their life, once they become aware of their sensitivities and how they impact others.

[silyt_ghoest]

i wouldn’t even be mad, honestly. i was just talking the other day to my dad about how our noses are similar to a pig’s. my brother is on the spectrum so Asperger’s syndroem could be a possibility. but im also diagnosed with adhd and dont have problems relating to people, just problems with keeping the filter on. I don't know tho, i’ll look into it.

[caring__1]

Sometimes, Asperger's, ADHD and bipolar are mixed up, as they share many similar symptoms. You may find yourself challenged when it comes to social cues, saying or doing things that don't lead you where you want to go. You may find it helpful to enhance your observation skills, so you can better understand cause and effect. You may also find it helpful to work on your impulsivity. Take time to think before saying or doing anything. That way, you're less likely to complicate your life.

[TrueConfection]

No, I don't compliment my husband nearly as much as I should. I need to work ok this more. I'm usually just quiet and soaking it all in and not wanting to ruin the moment by talking too much.

[caring__1]

Saying we "should" or "need to" turns whatever we're talking about into an obligation. We tend to resist obligations whether put on us by others or ourselves. Being quiet is much better than being a non-stop talker, though giving feedback adds special meaning to a shared experience. Giving feedback (sharing what you're hearing in your own words, or seeking clarification) won't ruin the moment and has nothing to do with talking too much.

Let's say you're making love with your husband. You passively lay on the bed and say "tell me when it's over." Do you think he'll be eager to come back for more? Letting him know how his choices impact you makes the moment more meaningful and fulfilling. Quality partners aren't energized by silent partners. No extreme is ideal, so meet him in the middle. Ask him how he feels about what I've shared. His thoughts and feelings are more important than anything you can get on this site.

[TrueConfection]

Thanks for the advice and the MHO ❤

[caring__1]

You're welcome.

[averageJosh]

That's a mix truly. The dinner comment was over the top, it's not as if we are working for Bon Appetit. However, when it comes to a simply "I love you" yes, as those 3 little words just can't do enough sometimes--most of the time if you are really into the person you are with.

[caring__1]

Expecting your partner to read your mind will limit your relationship to superficiality. Though people may use the same words, they generally define those words differently. If you don't have a clear understanding of your partner's definitions, you'll just project yours onto your partner. Let's say you define love as sex, while she defines it as a special connection. Each of you will give what you want to receive, and both will be dissatisfied.

[Bkotgvv]

No I don’t say creepy cheesey things like in OP. If my presence isn’t enough for him, he can kick rocks. I’m not good with words.

[caring__1]

You either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. It's your life to live, so if you're satisfied with the results of your involvement, who am I to tell you to change?

[Masterodd]

If I had a partner... Yes all the time.

[Meila]

Never dated