Do you always share what’s on your mind to your partner or do you sometimes stay silent?

[Anonymous]

Basically, I’m in a confusing situation. I give a lot of time and energy to someone who does the same for me, yet- they are very adamant on wanting to just be friends right now because they’re not ready to commit. It’s been over a year and literally we spend every day together. For me, it is beyond a friendship. And I’ve told him that. From my experience, anytime a person states they only want to be friends though- that’s it, nothing more will ever come from it.
However, whenever I try to cut things off- he acts like I’m overreacting and he’ll try to spend more time with me. It’s like he’s fighting himself on what to do. Which in my opinion, he just wants his cake and eat it too.
Anyways, I texted my “friend” saying “I try to ignore or shut off my feelings just to keep things normal for us because I do value a friendship. But today unexpectedly-every intense emotion I can feel- I literally feel for u. Being in love really does blur the line of friendship. It’s not easy and I truly can’t do this.”
He usually responds to everything- if not through text- he’ll call. Always. And because he uses his phone for work- he sees everything right away.
It’s been a few hours and he never responded. Should I have never shared anything and let it go? I feel like I’m beating a dead horse.
If you’re going to respond on how dumb I am- please don’t.

[Anonymous]

Hey, speaking your truth took a lot of guts.. for what it’s worth, this random stranger on the internet is very proud of you. However things turn out, at least you were brave enough to be honest with him.

[Asker]

I appreciate your message. ♥️

[Amara_09]

I would like to keep some thoughts to myself.


Why? Because I would never ever tell anyone my secrets.


Humans , in the end will betray you.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m confused by your question and the details. Is he your friend or is he a partner?

[Asker]

The first sentence says that I am in a complicated situation. We have been talking to each other for over a year but I have always known him. We literally are together all the time, if we aren’t at work. He calls to check on me, ask if I ate, anything I need he’s there. However, recently a conversation came up and he made the comment of just friends. When ofc, I was confused because it’s been a year of us acting like we are together. So I said partner in the question but if I said friend- instantly a person would think of a regular friend. When technically we tell each other that we love each other on a daily basis which is something more than friends would do. Especially when you’re having sex and planning babies. But as soon as marriage comes up then everything stops and he’s saying “we are just friends”.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right, you are not in a committed relationship yet he acts like you are his wife.

So to answer your question absent much more information what we share is based on trust. Whether he’s your hubby or friend or drug dealer.. you will share how you feel based on the levels of trust built up and knowing how securely he feels about you.

In this case how much do you trust him? Are there things you keep from him?

[Asker]

Honestly, yes- that’s how I feel. And if I’m being more honest- he actually tried to explain why he doesn’t want to commit but wants me to commit to him. Lol. So u can kind of see the type of person he is. Which as I’m writing this I’m wondering why I even asked the question.
But I don’t trust him. As soon as he said that he doesn’t want commitment and called me “just a friend” it almost made me feel like I’ve been used or played. And no- I didn’t keep anything from him. A lot of what goes on in my life, I do share with him. It’s not really anything that I keep to myself. Unless it’s something I truly feel like he won’t care enough to know.

[Asker]

I think my frustration comes from giving so much time and energy to a person that I seen a lifetime with just to realize he doesn’t see the same. And if he was completely honest from the beginning, I wouldn’t have wasted my time or emotions. If im just a friend- there’s boundaries that would have never been crossed in the first place. U know?

[BarryLiverstone]

Right. I agree that in a sense he has betrayed your trust. He reset the “relationship” to just a friend.

in my opinion you should also reset it. Decide what you give as a friend and pull back on things a romantic partner will give. Make it clear that if he just wants a friendship that’s ok but ( for example sex, personal attention, frequent communication,..) and others are things you must reserve for a commitment

[Asker]

True. I agree.
Should I just ignore the message I sent to him? Like, if he acknowledges it then at some point we’ll talk. But if not- just move on?

[BarryLiverstone]

For today ignore it. But def plan to talk to him and refine the relationship

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. It helped.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. I could tell you got worried that he hadn’t replied yet. It’s ok to feel like that. Cheers

[Asker]

Just thought you would know that he called me but didn’t bring the message. Just acted normal. Came over and ate, watched a little of a highlight of basketball game before picking up his son from track. I need help. What am I doing?

[BarryLiverstone]

Was it the lakers game? I was up watching that last night. Go ahead and follow me. So you can better fill me in on what’s happening and I’ll help ya

[BarryLiverstone]

Ty for MHO

[Asker]

You’re welcome.

[Asker]

And it was the Laker game. Lol.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya I thought is was. Too bad they lost. You are welcome

[jahaims]

He is immature and leading you on for validation without commitment

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s possible that she is also just venting

[spartan55]

Are you having sex with him?

[Asker]

Yes. If I wasn’t I don’t think I would care as much.

[spartan55]

You didn't say, and I don't think it would be fair to assume.

[spartan55]

You have been giving him all the perks of a committed relationship for free. Why would he want to give that up.

[Asker]

😩😩