Why doesn’t my fiance answer my phone calls?

[Anonymous]

my fiance and i have been together for 10 years. since the beginning of October we have been arguing like crazy. i’ll admit im the one who argues. i am very insecure, im not confident and i think i am an anxious attachment style because i am always worried he will leave me or he doesn’t want to speak to me when he doesn’t respond to my phone calls or text msgs. some of the things we argue about is him liking girls butt and bikini pictures, he told me that our sex life is boring. the bikini and butt pictures i asked him why he did that to me and he said that he was in a bad place and he’s sorry. he no longer has instagram since last year. however in February he liked a girls butt picture on facebook so i still feel like he’s still doing it and i don’t like it. he ignored me this morning when i called him and when i texted him. i go on facebook and he is logged on. so i know he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore he just doesn’t want to tell me. I don't know what to do.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a tough situation. With the arguing and trust issues, I can understand you feeling insecure in the relationship. A few thoughts:

- Ignoring your calls/texts is never okay. You both need to communicate better instead of stonewalling eachother.

- Liking other girls' photos is disrespectful at best. You told him it hurts you and he kept doing it, so I get why you're upset.

- But you also have to take responsibility for contributing to the arguments. No one fights alone. Constant accusations will only push him away more over time.

My advice would be to have an honest talk when you're both calm. Compromise - you work on not reacting harshly, and he listens without getting defensive. See if there's willingness on both sides to rebuild trust.

If not, you may need some time apart to gain perspective. A counselor could also help. But avoidance and resentment will only make things worse long run. Staying friends might be healthiest if you really can't work it out. Just some thoughts, good luck!

[DaveJord]

So honestly, I was married for 24 years... and you just know when she was calling that it would be an argument so you just let her simmer on the back burning because you are literally exhausted with the drama and bull shit.

I mean you disagree; she made her points you listened, you made yours and you assume she listened to you as well. Like we do not have to agree, and I do not have to argue about it. Do what you want but quick arguing with me over it.

But that was my mind set, so maybe he has a different mindset then me... but this just one of many other possibilities.

[Asker]

it’s really sad because he used to love talking to me. he would call just to say hi or to hear my voice and now he doesn’t even do that. it’s so hard to get him to answer the phone. I don't know what to do

[DaveJord]

I mean... Maybe try to be more approachable... I mean it's been 1o years. It's either worth ot to you or it's not... but bull shit over time builds.

My ex wife was unrelenting, like she road my ass 24/7 and she wasn't fun anymore.

[Asker]

i think we just have hatred towards each other already. we try to make it work but i don’t think it won’t. he is out with his friends and just called me telling me he wants to hangout because he is tired and is hungry and wants me to buy him food. i told him no. i know very well the friends he hangout with so i know he is drunk.

[DaveJord]

Ny marriage was great for the first decade... then it was slow downhill decline... painfully slow!

[purpleisweird]

I don't think it's okay to like bikini photos of other girls. If my guy doing the same, i would confront him about it. But that's it. As a girl, if a guy is pulling away, my advice is to withdraw, and don't chase after him. Let him make the effort, withdraw completely to make him realize what he did wrong.

[Asker]

i think at this point we just hate each other. all we do is argue with each other. that’s all we are used to that when i call him he is dry or doesn’t answer my calls. i ask him why we are “trying” to make this work when all we do is argue and he says “i know” i am not who i used to be. i am more angry and i snap for everything as well. i hate who i am. i can tell i am more masculine more than feminine. i also don’t hangout with friends and as of recently i dont really have any. we are not happy together. i always think of what happened and im so salty about it it’s not even funny. and him, he couldn’t care less.

[purpleisweird]

So you're anxious type, so am I. I understand why anxious wants reassurance. They are always wondering, especially when their partner is pulling away or make some questionable choices. If I were you, i would try to calm down first before contacting him. And don't act repulsively. Maybe He doesn't answer your call because you guys are always arguing. Change the communication style to be more calm and collected if you want to make the relationship work.

[jahaims]

He is tired of bearing the burden of you being so insecure. You are making someone you love suffer just because you don't work on yourself enough to have self esteem. The irony of all of this is being insecure is what is going to drive him away. You found someone willing to put up with you. Realize that and stop ruining it. You aren't even mature enough to be in a relationship let alone engaged.