Do you believe that relationships are 50/50 or the man should be the leader?

[chris_987]

[Jezzzter]

I think it depends on the relationship and what the people in it enjoy. Some people want a traditional relationship, some want the complete opposite and some want 50/50.

I, personally tend to lean toward the 50/50 or me, the girl, being the leader. It’s just what’s comfortable for me.

Also, my best guy friend says he would rather have the girl take the lead as well.

I think it’s important to remember also there’s many reasons people have their preferences. Some don’t have the confidence to take the lead, some just enjoy being taken care of.

I personally like taking the lead because it makes me feel like I have more control over the situation. Someone else taking care of me feels stifling and don’t like relying on people for things (that’s just a personal issue), so if I could find a guy who’d enjoy this, I’d be more than happy.

And I should mention, for me it’s not about “breaking gender norms” or whatever. I genuinely enjoy taking the lead.

So yeah. Just depends on the people ig.

[chris_987]

Doesn't sound like a good idea to me because it's in a woman's nature to hold guys responsible. And it's in a man's nature to take responsibility. So if you're the leader in the relationship and things break down the guy's not going to blame you for things going bad and you're not going to blame yourself.

And I can 100% guarantee you. That's exactly what's going to happen if you follow through with your relationship goal.

[Jezzzter]

I’m not sure how you can guarantee it.

I think it can work, and I’ve seen it work. (Of course, I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they seem pretty happy.)

I haven’t had *that* much experience with relationships, so who knows, maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about.

However, I did mention my friendship with a guy who prefers women take the lead, and so I guess I have a bit of experience. Just not anything romantic yet.

But, of course, you can think whatever you want, and so can I.

I just know for a fact I wouldn’t be happy in a male-lead relationship, because I’ve been in one. I felt uncomfortable the whole time, and he did too, because I would sometimes unintentionally slide into the leader role. And he wasn’t even a bad guy. He was super nice, but we just weren’t compatible.

I hope I didn’t make my reply doesn’t come off as hostile. It’s hard to convey my tone in text. Basically, I think everyone’s entitled to their own opinions.

[chris_987]

Okay, let me break down what a leader in a relationship is supposed to do and you can tell me if you think you're capable of doing this.

So as I mentioned before you get blamed for when things go wrong. So your responsible for most things. So if there's a bill to be paid, a place to go or a goal to accomplish your responsible.
I just don't see how you as a woman can love a guy but also reach out to him to plan dates that you're going to pay for, then make the first move in to kiss him. Are you capable of doing any of that stuff?

[Jezzzter]

I can’t really say about the bills thing yet, because I’m a minor who’s never had to pay her own bills, but if it were financially feasible, and we had a family or something (so he wasn’t just sitting around doing nothing), I wouldn’t mind being the breadwinner.

With everything else, yes. I think I could. It’s not really that hard to plan and pay for a date in my opinion.

[chris_987]

Well I'm willing to bet every last. Penny that I own. That you cannot pursue a man in the same way, a man versus a woman.

I cannot envision you or any other woman reaching out to a guy asking him out on a date, inviting him back to your place and then making the move to sleep with him and then later on getting on one need to propose. You have this idea of how you think life should be but in a million years it was never like that. So what makes you think you're going to change everything?

Unless you're a dyke and you like women then I take back everything I said

[Jezzzter]

I don't care who proposes. I probably should've stated I'm fine with a 50/50 relationship as well. I like both the types of relationships I've stated equally.

That's fine if you think that. I'm not sure why it matters to you what other randos do though. Or maybe I'm just misreading things, and you don't actually care.

I'm not trying to "change the world." I mentioned in my first comment, that I'm not trying to "break gender norms" or "stick it to the patriarchy" or something like that. Honestly, I think that's a pretty stupid reason to do something, if that's your only reason.

I'm not trying to change how other people do things. I'm just doing what I want to do, and what I'm comfortable with personally. I'm not trying to make my personal preferences the norm. I don't care what other people do at all. And I still appreciate traditional relationships, as long as the people within them are happy, and this is what they want.

All of this is why I said it depends on the people. However, as I've said before, this is just my opinion, and you can think whatever you want. It's not a big deal.

[chris_987]

All I was saying is that I find it fascinating that thousands of years or millions depending on what you want to believe. Some women think they can just flip the whole way man and woman court each other on its head and it's going to work out. I'm sure you're not the first woman to think I'm going to lead the relationship. I think millions of women before you tried but failed so spectacularly and never passed on the information that it doesn't work. And I think it's because women really don't like to put out their failures so they can help other women succeed. Then the cycle continues.

As I said, I don't really care but you basically said the equivalent of 2 + 2 = 5, And I said that's not true but you want to see if the math works out.

I'm so certain that it won't workout that. I want you to report back to me on what it was like to message a guy first. Ask him out on a date move in for the kiss, you know lead the entire relationship, so I can post your findings and Let other women know what they can expect when they try to lead a relationship.

[Jezzzter]

I'm just not sure why the gender would matter so much. Some girls have a more assertive personality, some boys are more passive. It depends on the person. That's not to say there isn't a correlation between gender and what people look for in a relationship, but we can't deny that people who don't fit the mold do exist. I think in today's society, traditional relationships are less of a need and more of a preference. Women can get good paying jobs and stay at home dads are becoming less of an abnormality, so there's more room for other types of relationships.

I'll also point out my male friend who wants a relationship like this.

I've always expressed my desire for this kind of relationship since I was a kid. Some people thought it was weird, but it was never made into a big deal to me, so I never thought how it might be strange to others. That's something I should've thought about. I was also raised without my parents pointing out or enforcing differences between genders much. We did what we wanted without being told it was wrong because of our gender.

I'm saying this because I believe it played a part in how I think about myself and my preferences. I'm not ashamed or confused by them, it's just how I think.

If you were raised differently, it would make sense this lifestyle would be completely alien to you. I don't blame you for that. I don't think your way of thinking is wrong. It only matters to me if it's being shoved onto other people, which you aren't doing.

I'm not sure how much personal experience you have with people like me. I'm not saying you don't, but saying it "never works out" seems to be an overstatement.

And yeah, I shouldn't have implied that you cared much. It's hard for me to tell people's tone when they're just typing.

[chris_987]

There's really no need to look at people's tone to stick to what they're content is all about.

But let's just do a quick little role play for a second. Pretend for a brief moment that I'm a guy that you're interested in. How would you get me interested in getting to know you?

[chris_987]

Lol probably

[IlllllIll]

I don't see why. You husband is not your father. As an adult you ough the take your responsibilities instead of expecting another to take them in your stead.

No guys are perfect and it's completely human to make mistakes. Perhaps if the woman was involved with decisions (since you know, two head instead of one) the couple could just try to move onward instead of blaming each other.

And who's to say you know better than your wife or she knows better than you? If she's a nurse or a doctor, would you manage the kid's health in her stead or vice versa? How about the papers. If she is used to legal jargon whike you are not, is it not better to leave it that to her?

You can't be perfect, there will always be a time where your wife may be the better person to deal with an issue.

You are not helping her by taking all the responsibility for your wife. By doing that you are just infantilising her.

[Anonymous]

No I don’t believe any relationship is 50/50, that sounds like roommates tbh. Both parties should try to put in a hundred percent but sometimes one person can only contribute 10% and the other 90%. You’re there to support and be there for each other, even when you’re not both at the top of your game. As far as the man being the leader it depends on the relationship. I rely on my partner but we both make decisions together, sure he gets final say on some things but he still takes me into account and in other things I get final say. Sometimes when I think of leader it’s one person directing, making all of the decisions and the other person just follows. Sure that’s good for some people, but I don’t know about all of that

[Jasmin01]

In a functioning partnership, both parties should contribute equally. If one dominates, the other may be secretly unhappy. At least I would be dissatisfied that I can't behave the way I might like. That doesn't mean that someone shouldn't take the lead in certain situations. On the contrary, it can actually be very nice. But that shouldn't always be the case.

[IlllllIll]

I believe all relationships are different. We may have preferences, it is unfair however to impose them on others.

Should the man be the leader? Well if both him and his wife agree.

If mine tries, his balls will feed the neighbour's dog.

[chris_987]

You sound like a pleasure of a person

[IlllllIll]

Well, thank you I can be very charming :)

[IlllllIll]

It was a metaphore, no really I'll only consider it if he cheats.

[chris_987]

Why would anyone cheat on you, your such a delight

[IlllllIll]

I don't know. Some people are attached to their genitals I guess.

[chris_987]

And what does your genital say about you?

[IlllllIll]

What about it?

I mean if he doesn't have the balls to leave me first, before getting with someone else, it's not as he has any to begin with.

It's a free country, if he wants to see else where he just has to take his luggage and leave both my appartment and my life, and I'll move on and that's it.

[IlllllIll]

I like to base my relationships on trust.
I'll stay faithful and I have stayed faithful. I expect a little honesty if he ever want to see someone else, or to bring them in our bed. I'll never monitor him. But if I catch him going behind my back with a paramour then yes, he'll loose his balls.

It's the breach of trust that I find reprehensible, not desiring someone else.

I probably won't tollerate him having another Lover. It's alright, well break up and keep being best friends that just happened to share 12 years together.
Loves or desire for one partner may fade, it's alright. He'll still be part of my life.

[chris_987]

You definitely sound like chat GPT

[IlllllIll]

And you sound like a guy that takes everything litterally.

[chris_987]

That's only because I'm interested in the truth. I don't know what you're interested in

[wolfcat87]

Whoever is best qualified to lead on a given matter should lead. Who is going to make the best decisions on what and have the best long term outcomes? Most likely it's not going to be a perfect 50/50 or 100% in one direction.

[Anonymous]

A relationship should be what you are comfortable with as a couple, not some pre-scripted edict of what you should and should not be as a couple. If you're a woman that wants to be led, or you want to be the leader, or you want more of a 50/50 relationship, you talk to your partner about it or you specifically seek that out while dating, and go for it. I don't speak for anyone else and what they do, just myself and my own relationships. Other people can do whatever they want.

[wiltingrosepetal]

50/50, they're partners, both must put in the same amount of effort, love and support

[MissBoogus]

50/50 and I’d still consider him to be the leader though

[chris_987]

Yeah a lot of girls are saying 50/50 but biology won't allow a girl to live up to that standard. No girl that has the ability to get pregnant and breastfeed, is going to look for a man that she has to pay for dates and get down on one knee and propose to. It's just a delusional mindset that girls who haven't thought about life believe in. But that's just my opinion.

[Anonymous]

50/50. It’s not up for debate.

[WhitneySnow]

50/50