Help! Should I Marry Him?

[Anonymous]

My fiance and I are supposed to get married in the New Year. I have loved ones tell me I shouldn’t go through with marriage due to our current situation, which is:

- My fiance makes $60k, but gives half of his salary to his parents who are in an awful financial situation.
- I made $30k and just started my own business.
- My fiance asks me for money from time to time to help his family’s situation.
- My fiance is enmeshed with his parents not only financially but emotionally and has trouble setting boundaries. He even threw out living with his parents after we are married when we have a house of our own.

Should I walk down the aisle? I love him but I definitely have my concerns. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah dude, that's a tough one. Here's what I think:

- Giving half his salary to his parents is crazy. How are you guys supposed to start your own life like that?

- Him asking you for money too would rub me the wrong way. You both need to be independent financially.

- Living with his parents after marriage is definitely not cool. You guys need your own space as a couple.

- The emotional enmeshment with his parents could cause issues down the line too if he doesn't learn to separate a bit.

I think you need to have a serious talk with him before getting married. He needs to start putting you as his priority over his parents financially and emotionally. Set some clear boundaries.

Marriage is hard enough without all that extra baggage. I'd really think about postponing the wedding until he gets his stuff straightened out and you guys can be independent. You don't want to go into it already stressed about money and his family issues.

Love isn't enough on its own. You need practical stuff too like trusting he'll be a good partner. Really think it over before committing legally. Tread carefully, sis! Let me know if you need any other thoughts.

[BadApple69]

$60k to begin with isn’t much. Then giving half to his parents means he has nothing. To be honest what’s his end goal? To support his parent forever? If that’s his plan then done marry him, he already has more on his plate than he can handle. Personally if I was his parents I would be ashamed.
Your boyfriend need to make a plan, maybe it’s work a second job for his parents, but he needs a cut off date of when he will stop supporting them. He he doesn’t want to do that then there is no hope for the two of you.

[Anonymous]

Let’s be real for a moment. 30k is barely enough to live off of, even as a single person. Without his marriage to you, he is going to drown. If you break up with him, he will be forced to either stop or reduce the amount of money he gives his parents. Until your business takes off, you will be financially struggling. Depending on where you live, 60k can definitely provide a comfortable life for the both of you. In this case, marriage is a good idea because it ensures that both of you will survive and live comfortably even with 1/3 of the money going to the in laws.

However, suppose that your in laws start demanding more. I assume that’s already happening due to your fiancé suggesting that you move in with the in laws. That’s already a downgrade in lifestyle. The more people living under one roof, the less cushy of a lifestyle you’ll be able to afford. What about when kids enter the picture? As noble it is for your fiancé to be helping out his parents, he needs to start thinking about his own family, meaning the one he is creating with you. That means setting up those boundaries. If he’s not willing to do that, your marriage is already in trouble.

[sheikalana]

If you’re having all these doubts I suggest to postpone the wedding until the situation feels a bit more stable for both of you.

[mobiusforniner]

My wife and I almost separated because of boundary issues with parents. And neither of us owe anything to them financially

Im not one to tell you what to do, but from my experience this is going to be a major strain on a new marriage. Your salary alone is not a sufficient living wage. Recommend working together to set healthy boundaries if you want your relationship to survive. If he can’t, or won’t, then your marriage WILL NOT work

[DJB72]

Postpone. That kind of enmeshed behaviour is unhealthy.

Give him a chance to separate from them and work out a plan to support them without it draining your marriage. You need to be separate from family to grow as a couple. Your fiance needs to have you as his first priority. Obviously you don't let his parents starve or freeze but you need to know he's making your marriage his main priority.

[Anonymous]

The biggest issue is him having trouble setting boundaries. But by the looks of it, you are asking for trouble getting married to him. But I notice that many people seem to invite a lot of pain into their lives...

[Unycorn]

You must be sure, to marry.

If you are not sure - don't so.

[slatyb]

You shouldn't marry him until your concerns are addressed.

[TacosRAwesome]

I think you should look into separating your assets before getting married if you decide to get married.

[Luckycharms12]

Do you love him

[Asker]

Yes, for sure I do. But I do have concerns as well.