Should I marry him?

[Anonymous]

There’s a guy from overseas, the Netherlands, who’s been a long distance boyfriend for four years. We’ve visited each other once in that time. Everything feels right, except that he has had difficulty getting a job and my parents disapprove of the possible union. They think he’s lazy. He’s told me that he lives in a small rural town, where there aren’t many jobs available. He says he’s trying his best. He’s in his thirties and never worked, but done computer courses. Should I go ahead and marry him? I can’t work, as I have severe depression. He might have a good chance of finding work, but if he doesn’t try, I run the risk of both of us ending up homeless, or using up my parents’ retirement savings, through their supporting us. Should I take this chance?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo girl, this is a tough call to make. A couple thoughts:

- 4 years long distance is a long time without really knowing how you'd be together day to day. That's important to consider.

- Your parents' concerns about him not working yet at his age are valid - that would be a big risk financially.

- Moving abroad without any job lined up would be very stressful, and you don't need more stress with your depression.

- Moving away from your support system at home could leave you both isolated if things don't work out.

My advice would be to meet in person again for an extended visit before committing, maybe stay together a month somewhere neutral. See how you truly mesh day in and day out.

I'd also encourage him to get a job lined up before you move - even if just part time. That shows motivation and independence.

This is a big decision - make sure to take care of yourself first. Don't rush if deep down you have doubts! You've got this girl.

[worldscolide]

No.. Why would you want a loser who can't take care of his family?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not! He’s in his 30s and never worked? Of course you shouldn’t marry him! He’s told you that he lives in a small rural town, where there aren’t many jobs available—that’s called an excuse. He can commute somewhere else for work. He says he’s trying his best. His best clearly isn’t good enough, especially if he’s never worked. At this point he needs to take what he can get. He’s done computer courses. Big whoop. Courses do not equal experience.
So your options, if you go forward with marriage, is to be homeless or be a financial burden to your parents. Honey, your parent’s’ retirement money is for them, not you. It’s there so they can live comfortably once they stop working. They earned their retirement money, and you have no business taking away their future because of your poor choices. You are in your 30s and thinking like a lovesick teenager. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

are you even engaged?

as for the barely any jobs in his city, he should leave and find better job opportunities... not sure what he's waiting for. this dude cannot provide for you at all at this point. he can barely provide for himself.

ANOTHER THING, he's in his 30's and NEVER WORKED? what is that about?

i also have severe depression. BUT I WORK. or, like you said, i'd be homeless.

both of you need to sit down and figure life out RIGHT NOW. you are in your 30's... come on.

you, get some therapy for your depression. fix that or manage that NOW. you'll feel a lot better once you get that settled.

as for him, he needs to move and get a job. asap.

both of you have no business even thinking about marriage right now. your ages are more like 16-17 at this point.

[Asker]

Yes we’re engaged. I really can’t work. I’ve made three attempts. I’m on disability for depression and I also have schizophrenia. So if I work too much, I get psychosis and end up in the hospital. I disagree that it’s wrong to want a normal life and to marry a man I love.

[jahaims]

If you have to ask internet strangers no you should not get married

[GoodgirlNatalie]

Up to you