Why do I keep attracting mostly abusive men?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Do you serious want to know. Or is this a question a pretext to take out you anger and frustration on an unsuspecting G@G member? Because I can tell you why. But you won't like it, you'll probably respond with hostility and we didn't sign on for that.

So you think about that and let us know.🙂

[Asker]

No I’m not taking anger out on anyone. If I have issues with people, I tell them. No I really want to know.

[Asker]

Please continue. Why is it?

[Opinion Owner]

You're attracted to them. Whether it's just subconscious or not. I'm guessing they're assertive. And you find that attractive (most women do). But to women that can't discern the difference between assertive and abusive they look the same.
Believe it or not we as people are not drawn to the love thT is best to us. We are drawn to love that is most familiar to us. So whether you realize it or not you most likely subconsciously seek this in every partner. Even if it's not something conscious that you want.

[Asker]

Oh. Well, that makes sense. Thanks for the insight 😊

[ThrillSeeker01]

It depends... do you hang out with them a lot?

[Asker]

Not particularly. I just encounter them.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Are abusive guys forward/pushy? Maybe stay away from those kinds of guys if so...

[Asker]

Yes, I guess they are 😊

[ThrillSeeker01]

So try to get to know the shy guys, they'll open up when they get to know ya

[ThrillSeeker01]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Finchie40]

Probably the same reason I attract selfish girls’ that tell me they want to be in a relationship with me and stay loyal to me , but they don’t know how to stay loyal and don’t know how to follow boundaries , that we both agreed upon , Basically you do this for me but I don’t have to do that for you type of shit, so tell me how are these guys abusive to you?

[Asker]

They’re out for themselves and don’t respect boundaries.

[Finchie40]

Yes , I had my fair share of girls’ that pulled that shit with me , why I no longer jump into a relationship with a girl anymore , because I am mentally exhausted from having my heart shit on , I still treat a girl the same way I want to be treated , but if she shows any signs of selfishness and doesn’t make me her top priority , she won’t be mine , I hate to be that way , cuz I was never this way before , but being cheated on , backstabbed and betrayed is one of the worst feelings I been through and it messed me up , Now I have walls up protecting my heart from experiencing that shit again On top of that , most people in general don’t really
Know what they want out of life anymore , so I don’t want to be any part of that shit , I can’t stand selfish people

[MrOracle]

You are not just attracting them, you are CHOOSING them too. Those are the guys you have strong feelings for - the ones you find attractive. This isn't "something that is just happening to you", it's something you are an active participant in. It's important to understand that become if you want things to change, YOU are going to need to make some changes on your end.

Typically, when girls keep picking abusers, it's because they had an abusive father figure in the home and that's what they saw as normal, and that's what they are comfortable with and thus attracted to. Non-abusive guys will seem boring or even make you feel uncomfortable, while abusive guys seem exciting and attractive.

If that sounds familiar, then you need to get some therapy. It will at times be scary or uncomfortable, but you can actually heal and move past it and learn to have healthy relationships with men who aren't abusive.

[Anonymous]

It's because most men are falling behind in life. More women are outperforming men in college. And men are still expected to fit into their traditionally masculine roles.

They're expected to be the breadwinner and reach all these unrealistic expectations. So, a lot of guys develop toxic behaviors from their insecurities and become abusive and crazy.

It's mainly because men won't let go of those ideas of masculinity. The lack of friends and relationships makes them controlling and abusive. I am defending this behavior. A lot of guys are too stupid to let it go.

[Explorer91]

Everyone attracts abusive and non abusive people. The key difference is whether we continue the connection, whether we allow it in after attracting it.
If your allowing it in - AKA your engaging longer than necessary - then your choosing it. Maybe because your lonely, maybe this, maybe that. Who knows. Only you can know.

[HawkPerception]

It's not just what you attract. It's what you're attracted to. Obviously, whatever qualities you seem to like in men seem to correlate to a specific type of personality. If you don't change your filtering process nothing will change and you'll always end up with abusive men.

[captain_voidwalker]

Well the one common factor is you. And I don't mean that as an insult I mean you should just take a moment and analyze the type of men you keep gravitating towards and make a shift. Also think back kn ant res flags you may have not noticed and try to pay closer attention to them on the future

[sage2021]

If they are on drugs too, that can make them abusive. He might me in meth or something and you won't know it. He will hide that from you.

[lightbulb27]

Because your father was abusive to mom? You lack self wsteem?


Look to self. Strong women filter…

[magiusX26]

look at what other traits they have in common. maybe not all but most. also look for it to be multiple things that many of them share.

[magiusX26]

also look into what you define as abusive. seeing as plenty call it abusive when another does simple things like tell them no about something. since I don't know you to knoe if you are one that does that, i leave this generalized info.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Normally women who date jerks are jerks themselves. But even jerks end up hating other jerks.

[Fireguy17]

That might be something you might want/need to talk to an actual therapist/doctor about.

[Anonymous]

Damaged or maybe you are attracted to that and pass on good men because they're not exciting enough.

[Maddy2002_]

Possibly your father the same way tend to date someone like your parents.

[Aiden_111]

It shows that you like dominant character men which is good 😊

[Minahh]

Are you psychopath or what?

[Aiden_111]

@Minahh why?

[slatyb]

Because you appear vulnerable to them.

[DarkWinterNights]

Because nice guys are boring.

[Unit1]

Because you don't ask out the good guys?

[Minahh]

Because you have low self worth and trauma

[moonangel8]

Maybe you’re submissive and appear that way?