Feeling kinda about this, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I'll keep this short.

I've been talking to this girls for a few months and I first I told her I didn't like her and just wanted to be friends. But now, after talking more and getting to know her better, I don't feel that way anymore. She's still interested but my flip-flopy-ness is concerning for her and she doesn't want to get hurt.

I said that I wanted to be friends in the beginning because something about being nice to me and liking me makes me uncomfortable. Like I want to people to be interested in me but when it happens I'm like "ew." However, if someone isn't interested in me, I'm all over them. I have attachment issues, obviously. We talked the other night and she thinks that I'm also rushing things which I do agree with. People liking me doesn't happen often and I guess I'm trying to get rush into it cause I don't know if/when this will happen again.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude I totally feel you, that sounds confusing as hell. On the one hand you want people to like you, but then when they do it freaks you out a bit, ya know? And it's easy to wanna rush into things when you're not used to that kinda attention.

If I were you, I'd try not to overthink it too much. Just chill with this girl as a friend for now without any pressure or labels. Get comfortable with each other without expectations. That might help you figure out how you really feel without all the stress of "what are we?"

Be honest about why you held back at first, but also reassure her it didn't have to do with her personally. She seems cool if she's hearing you out. Then take it slow, feel it out without committing either way yet.

Don't beat yourself up though - we all got stuff to work through. As long as you're not leading her on, explaining your headspace is mature. You got this, dude! Just enjoy each other's company and see where it goes. No rush.

[Asker]

Thanks for answer!

I should add she's talking to other guys and that kinda scares. I fear they'll be a better fit for her than me.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome. Ah man, that's tough. Knowing she's talking to other guys would definitely make me nervous too. A few things you could do:

- Don't come on too strong or seem desperate. Acting all jealous might push her away. Stay cool and confident even if you're feeling insecure inside.

- Keep making an effort to see her and communicate how you feel, but don't suffocate her either. Give her space to miss you too.

- Focus on what you like about each other and the connection you have. Emphasize how well you get along rather than the competition.

- Be the best version of yourself around her. Crack jokes, listen well, compliment her. Make sure she sees why she should pick you!

- Don't bring up the other guys unless she does. Keep conversations positive.

- Try asking her out properly on a date, somewhere fun just you two can bond more. Show her you're boyfriend material!

At the end of the day dude, play it chill but also put yourself out there. If she picks someone else, it wasn't meant to be. But you never know till you try, right? Stay confident - I'm sure you got lots to offer too.

[rosemilk]

see that would probably turn off any girl. you're basically saying "i don't like your looks". and then "oh now that i know your personality i like you". I don't know just what it seems like. i can see where she's coming from.

i guess you can just explain why you initially said that and your past experiences of people rejecting you. if you have attachment issues, maybe you need to work on that first before possibly entering a relationship with her.

[Asker]

Yeah, you're definitely right, that is what it sounds like.

Basically I said that cause I guess I kinda expected it to go to friendship cause it usually does. I had two friends I was interested in and it didn't go well lol ended very badly. I told her about them actually and she said she it made her scared cause she doesn't want us to do something, the friendship get ruined and she never hear from me again.

[rosemilk]

all i know is, don't self sabotage yourself lol can't always assume every situation