Should I stop trying with him?

[Anonymous]

Im dating a m21 for around 2 months. Long distance, now when we are are going to meet in a week he’s suddenly extremely dry (srsly one reply all day) before when i asked him why , got told because he is afraid of getting hurt so its like a defence mechanism. Told him it bothers/hurts me and i got told im too dramatic.. Should i wait and see him in person or give up?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that's really messed up how he's acting right before you're supposed to meet. I get being scared of getting hurt, but that's no excuse to treat you like crap and blow you off. You deserve way better than that.

If it was me, I don't think I'd waste my time waiting around just to get disappointed in person. You told him it bothers you and he basically called you dramatic? No way. Don't let him talk to you like that.

Personally I'd say don't even bother meeting up at this point. He's had two months to be a decent boyfriend and he's pulling this crap right at the end? Screw that noise. Cancel the plans and find someone who's actually gonna respect you.

I know it probably hurts, but trust me - you don't need that kind of emotional rollercoaster. Cut your losses now before you're even more invested. You're way too good for a guy who gives one word responses all day and says you're too dramatic when you voice your feelings.

He's showing you who he really is - believe him! There's probably better dudes out there who will treat you right. You owe it to yourself not to settle for less. You got this sis!

[Asker]

I apreciate the time to reply and tell me your whole opinion and honestly the lies and not even giving me some time did hurt me a lot. I began to lose feelings thats why i wanted advice. He is insistent on coming so i will just bother to meet up only for taking in consideration the expenses for the plane, etc also talking in person and explaining since in texts i cannot be understood. Thank you for telling me this, i was giving myself excuses to keep trying.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah totally, that's really crappy of him to just ignore you like that and not even give you a proper explanation. I'd be losing feelings too if someone treated me like that. It's good you're gonna meet up so at least you can talk face to face, but honestly I wouldn't get your hopes up too much. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions so far have kinda shown he's not that into you. Definitely hear him out when you see him, but don't let him just apologize and expect you to be all good again right away. Make it clear his behavior really hurt you. And if stuff doesn't change after you meet, then I think you'll have your answer. You're better than being someone's backup plan or getting strung along. Don't waste your time if he's still acting shady. You'll find someone way better who wants to be with you for real!

[bededazzle]

you have to decide. sounds like incompatible expectations to me. will you change for him to be “less dramatic”?

[Asker]

I can't change myself to be ‘less dramatic’ for someone who replied to me at 11pm with a one word literary said ‘no’ and that was it for the whole day…

[bededazzle]

then you have to decide your personal boundaries. to me, saying such things is a very immature tactic that minimizes someone’s feelings.

[Asker]

Tried to, he won't listen. I gave up on that and im just doing the same as him since this week.. i will meet him only for taking in consideration the fly expenses

[bededazzle]

well usually what personal boundaries means in this situation is ending things i mean

[Asker]

Im aware, i just would rather say it in person over some silly text , i can't be a total asshole for this since he already booked the tickets and rented for about a month an apartament.. i just want to be nice and tell him in person also maybe he proves me wrong about him but small hopes for this. He must come for some reasons so its useless to tell him not to anymore.

[bededazzle]

fair enough. good luck

[Iron_Man]

No once you meet in person that could be totally different.

[Asker]

I wish so, i want an apology not excuses.. if he can't give me time online but in f2f he can, it wouldn’t work since the long distance..

[Iron_Man]

You would have to move in with him

[Asker]

Yes that would be the only option but i cannot do that for more reasons , he lives with his mom, he doesn’t want to move together yet (understandable) only after some years

[Iron_Man]

We’ll have to take it slow then

[Iron_Man]

I mean you will

[Asker]

I can take it slow but i can't if he keeps ignoring me and leaving me on delivered for over 10 hours even more.. and when he replies is a sentence with 1-2 words

[Iron_Man]

You’re gonna have to have a serious conversation with him and ask him to dig down deep and ask him what does he really want?

[Asker]

Did that , he wants the relationship and not break up and in rest he only tells me he is afraid thats why he’s avoiding me.

[Iron_Man]

Well, he needs to stop avoiding you and be a team player

[ThrillSeeker01]

Maybe wait a little bit? Up to you when to move on if things don't work out

[Danny_dan92]

It’s long distance….