If you forgave someone for cheating on you, how did you come to that decision?

Question

I have always wondered how people can go back to someone who cheated on them, especially if it was over a really long extended period of time. What made you go back and why? Has it worked out or have you regretted it?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I did because I know they were still committed to the relationship. The cheating wasn't because they didn't love me. They were mentally spiraling for years and hiding that mental decline from me. They gave me some of the happiest and freest years of my life and boosted my success even while they felt crushed. The cheating hurts. But, I do get why it happened. He's still my best friend to the end even if he messed up.

He's shown dedication to trying to get better bit by bit. He gave me his passwords, put a camera in his room, follows the rules I set, put me on his bank account, put me as a beneficiary on everything financially related that he has, gave me half of his cash as if we were getting a divorce over it, and started giving me a weekly allowance, all on top of still paying for things like he used to and helping around the house and with kids and animals. He switched to a better job with more hours and started taking piloting lessons to have little to no free time to get into trouble again. If I call or text, he never ignores it.

Without all those steps to prove he truly wanted to be here, I would have left. But, he fought to show he wanted to stay no matter what hell he went through after as a consequence.

It's been years now, and there have been some bumpy spots. But, overall we have been healing and are doing much better together.

Valdemort · Accepted Answer

Haven't been in the situation, but have seen it happen far too many times and it's ugly.
The relationship will never be the same afterwards and it's nothing beneficial to stay together, no matter how much you care.
For me, I'd accept their decision, accept their desire for different / unmet impulses, wish them the best and then move on with my life without them.
If you can't communicate your desires or possible shortcomings in a healthy manner, there'd be no reason for us to continue.

ohmyguy · Accepted Answer

As much as we like such scenarios to avoid us.. we are bound to encounter it at some point. ..
I since high-school. I.. just factored it I'n as a sure and enviable thing.. that ultimately I have zero control over it taking place so by knowing action and behavior of the company I keep or keeps me around.. it's safe to assume it as a sure thing to happen. So to me its not such an crippling experience.. as to forgiveness.. sure why not... but as long as it's possible to look past. The motivation the reasoning or methodology. .. as to arrive at some beneficial understanding that reaches our higher self and allows us that ability move forward one way with or with out.

Benjiman19 · Accepted Answer

I did forgive my ex for her cheating on me twice, but we never got back together again. Her choice in the matter. Pushed me away. Took me a week or two to forgive her but out of all the two years we were together, it was good. Perhaps she cheated because she was ready for sex and I wasn't... Looking back on it, I suppose I could have gone the next step but you're ready when you're ready, right? Can't force myself into it until I am comfortable with the whole idea. Of course, I am comfortable now.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I’m not going to forgive anyone for cheating.

smashleyy · Answer

Can be multiple reasons behind why someone would stay but I think a big reason is lack of self love/worthiness issues. Staying after a betrayal like cheating is saying I love you more than I love myself. I think its a very sad mentality to have, you should be able to walk away from what’s hurting you. Even when people “forgive” cheating they don’t really, they almost always still hold resentment they just don’t want to be alone and are too attached to their partner

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Overseas and had nowhere else to go. She sucked on my weiner a whole bunch. Let me revenge cheat for years. Kept saying sorry to me. Eventually, I was like..."Well, watch me jerk off to the hawt lesbians next door."

We live in a messed up world... but I don't work anymore. Tell me I haven't figured out a life hack.

NathanDavis · Answer

I could forgive, yes...

after talking about it, understand things... I might forgive if they really regretted it

but going to them and continue the relationship? no, I don't think so... and this would be a very different thing

I would forgive, but not go back to it

sheikalana · Answer

My first reaction to someone cheating on me would be to separate either permanently or temporarily and minimize contact with the cheater even if they try to reach out. However, if after some time the person showed genuine signs of regret or we had kids in common I could reconsider it if he gave me enough proofs of his intentions. If we don't have any kids in common I'd rather not see your face ever again.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, I usually don’t get back with X’s. I returned because we have a daughter, and I wanted a nuclear family. I wanted my daughter to be safe and I didn’t want to expose her to any unforeseen events to traumatize her with a stepfather.
(Sorry- I’ve generalized all men to that, but I have heard too much that worries me….! )

RedInnocent68 · Answer

In principle, I would agree that acceptance (opposed to forgiveness) is probably based on insecurity. Although, I expect there would also be other considerations like, particular reasons or circumstances and whether they’re likely to be repeated, time invested, children, etc… 🤔

Lovesick40 · Answer

Marriage counseling. It takes time to regain trust and you need to really be able to forgive the person and not throw it in their face every time you get in a fight

billmunch · Answer

Being cheated on has never been a deal breaker for me in a relationship, so it's something I can easily forgive... so long as there's no disease/pregnancy

Billlewis · Answer

Because after I got over my initial reaction, I realized that it was tremendously exciting for me.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

Still not there. But I admire those who can forgive...

aceleon · Answer

if a guy ever does that he might as well get his balls and penis removed.

EmmaMary · Answer

I would never, ever forgive anyone for cheating... Period.

gurl_123_hey · Answer

I would say you should never read your books backwards, if he/she cheated on you that meant they never loved you and they were dating you for some other reason! Maybe it’s time to move on! Never read your books backwards :) you got this

jimmy2 · Answer

Well I took my wedding vows sersicry. My wife went like 25 times over and over in our 36 years.
Every time I took her back in fact God bless me with a knowledge of forgiveness in that I can forgive anyone for anything and that is powerful

Yannae · Answer

Yes, but I didn't let her back in. Her week of fun was shortlived.

BigManSAB · Answer

My ex girlfriend cheated. I forgave her and cheated back just to get even. She’s still traumatized to this day!

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Never been cheated on not that I'm aware of but I would definitely forgive but I won't be with her anymore though.

straightmax12 · Answer

How much love I still have for her. Not saying I would take the cheater back, but if I happen to take her back, that might be the reason.

Anonymous · Answer

I realized that it was way too soon for me to be dating anyway since I had a devastating breakup just a couple months prior to dating again.

justabuddy · Answer

Forgive, yes. But as friends because I never forget.

Fireguy17 · Answer

I didn't, the 2 times it happened I left.

PinkSmoke · Answer

Because you love them?

Sabretooth · Answer

The trust is gone as is the respect.

ItsMykolaJenkins · Answer

Never would i forgive

ike9999 · Answer

I forgave her but I had to move on without her.

Anonymous · Answer

"I was planning to break up with her anyway"

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Never forgive

Gezbelle · Answer

I never did

LavLavLuv · Answer

Nah thanks

If you forgave someone for cheating on you, how did you come to that decision?

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