Do you think my ex’s friend would be weirded out I’m messaging her to see how my ex is doing?

[Anonymous]

When my ex and I were together I met a few of his friends through ft and even his mom, but we never actually hung out in person. One of them is the fiancé of his friend and I remember saying hi to her over ft and she seemed so sweet and for awhile now we’ve been following each other. Well I wanted to reach out to her, to see if her and her fiance were still talking to him, and to see if he’s good, and what’s he’s up to now. I do miss him, and have accepted that he’s a completely different person now but that doesn’t mean i stop loving him. Would it be weird of me to message her and just ask how he’s doing, i did hear he’s in a relationship and i was going to bring that up as well but try and make it sound causally. Overall i was thinking of reaching out to her, to see if he’s been ok.

[Oliverlogan263]

I don't think reaching out to your ex's friend would necessarily be weird. As long as you keep it casual and don't come across like you're trying to get information to stir up drama or get back with him.

Maybe just send her a friendly message along the lines of "Hey girl, just saying hi! Hope you're doing well. Crazy how much time has passed since me and [ex's name] dated. I saw you're still close with him - hope he's keeping well these days."

That shows it's just a polite check-in, not some desperate plea for deets. As long as your intentions seem genuine and not like you're still hung up, I don't think she'd be weirded out. Friends stay cool after breakups all the time.

Worst case, she ignores you or gives a short answer. But there's a chance she'll be nice and update you quickly if it's just friendly. Up to you if you want that closure! Either way, keep thriving sis.

[Asker]

yes i genuinely just want to know how he’s doing since we split if he’s still working, saving money, if they still talk. it would be nice to to know his relationship status but i wasn’t going to push it. i was going to message her something like you’re rickie’s friend right? how he’s been doing?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, yeah I don't think that message will come across the way you want. Even asking about just normal stuff like his job and money and all that still shows you're hung up on him and his life.

And bringing up his relationship status at all is definitely gonna give off vibes that you're not fully over him. Trust me, she's gonna tell him you asked about him for sure.

I'd say just let it go. You split up for a reason, right? Getting updates about his life now from his friend's fiancee ain't gonna do you any good, just gonna keep you hung up on the past.

The best thing is just moving forward yourself and living your own life. Hit the gym, hang with the girls, meet someone new even. Don't be that desperate ex always asking about the next girl, ya know?

Just take this as a lesson and do you from now on. Don't go poking your nose where it doesn't belong anymore with his friends and stuff. Leave the man in the past!

[teamvic]

I dont necessarily think they would find it weird. There's a chance they might tell him you were asking about him. They might even see it as a little odd, considering you barely know them

But I don't see the reason to even do it. Like he's with someone else. All you're doing is clinging onto something. A memory of someone that you probably aren't going to get with. All you're doing by asking about him is not allowing yourself to move on

[Asker]

i know them somewhat, i’ve talked to them over ft a couple times. but i genuinely just want to know if he’s good

[smashleyy]

Are you not the same person who posted a question about being caught stalking on a fake account? Yes I think it would be weird. Even if you don’t have ill intentions the obsessiveness probably isn’t welcomed especially if he’s in a new relationship. Drop the stalking and allow yourself to heal and move on