I pay for everything?

[Lilibet]

I date this guy for 3 months, he’s very sweet and all, but now we had Christmas, and he got me like the cheapest thing from Swarovski, then on my birthday he didn’t even get me a gift. We went for a dinner but that was it, nothing special, he didn’t even do the reservation. I don’t want to say anything cuz I don’t want to look or sound like someone who is with others for money cuz it’s not like that. He has some money problems now so I’m trying to understand it, but on the other hand he new that Christmas is coming and he knew about my birthday. On top of that, lately I pay for everything, food, groceries, for deliveries, even todays breakfast, he order from my phone for himself and I didn’t even got anything. He didn’t get anything cheap, he actually ordered from quite expensive breakfast place. He is very sweet guy, but I feel like this is getting out of control, like when I asked if he wants breakfast, he didn’t take his phone he used mine and ordered and gave my phone back without even saying anything. It pissed me off honestly…

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation except I have been doing it for 12 years now, my partner does work and earns very good money but always seems to never have any money meaning I am left financially supporting our whole relationship. I made the mistake of enabling this pattern early in our relationship that it is now too hard to change the dynamics.
i would say If you are happy to continue to pay for the whole duration of your relationship then by all means continue paying and doing what you have been doing.
If it is starting to upset you that you are left paying for everything than try mentioning it or start saying No you are not responsible to financially support him, as he is not your dependent but is suppose to be a partner. Unfortunately more times than not the more you help the more you enable him to not pay for anything, so the circle continues.. if he truly can’t afford something offer to go Dutch so he has to take some financial responsibility and not rely on you.. or if you feel that won’t work ask him to pay for something small while you pick up most of the bill, obviously that’s only if you are wanting to do it as resentment can set in quickly if you don’t address it early on in the relationship.

Good luck

[Lilibet]

Tbh, at the beginning of our relationship he was paying for everything, sometimes I was proposing to pay for something, like breakfast etc, because he was covering everything. But we are dating for 3 months, and always been the way that man pays, but I was always trying to do something else, getting groceries and making dinner myself. Now is like I pay literally for everything. I even payed for a gift for my sister from him that he supposed to pay me back, he still didn’t, but when I say she like the shirt, his saying that it’s from him. Well actually I bought it and he still didn’t give me money back. Then he said he will give me $300 cash and if I can transfer to him, I said fine, then he brought me $200 and said $100 is in his car, I never got $100… it’s not a lot but also, in my house, if you borrow you need to give back any amount, even if it’s $1

[Lilibet]

He’s very sweet and caring person, but honestly this is getting into me. He has basically no clothes, few tshirts, few pair of pans, nothing in the house, no fancy car, he lives with a roommate so he pays half for the rent, he has no kids. So I wonder what his doing with money because he has nothing saved. He had to borrow money from his cousin to pay lawyer. So I get it he has financial troubles now but what he was doing with money before. Why he didn’t save anything. I spend lots of money for things that I don’t need, but I have fancy shit, and saved a bit a least, he has nothing.

[exitseven]

If he has a job and makes good money but spends it all on toys for himself or dope it is a problem. If he is in college and has to sweat tuition every semester you should give him a pass.

[Lilibet]

He doesn’t go to college, he doesn’t buy anything, at least not that I know off. No things at home, basically just few tshirts and few pairs of pants, I never saw so little things tbh. I really don’t know what he’s doing with money cuz he has nothing saved and no things. Like I have lots of clothes, makeup, jewelry etc, he has nothing. So I just don’t know what’s going on. At the beginning we were going out and mostly he paid for everything, but for like a month I pay food, groceries, orders, everything. And on my birthday no gift. Tbh o would be happy if he would got me a book cuz he knows I like to read. But nothing, not even reservation in restaurant. At least he pay for the food on my birthday

[exitseven]

Does he have a job? Does it pay more than minimum wage?

[Lilibet]

He does have a job and I’m pretty sure he gets more than minimum, I never asked how much he gets but I know how much people make on what he’s doing. He should have some money saved and I’m just surprised that he has nothing

[exitseven]

Itvis a mystery maybe he has to send some home for his mother?

[Lilibet]

I have no idea tbh, because he should be able to save something if he makes money and he doesn’t buy anything

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Billlewis]

That should absolutely not be happening. Unless you really like him a lot, I recommend you find a more generous guy.

[Lilibet]

I had before generous guy but he was looking after other girls, this one he’s very loyal and everything was great at the beginning, but lately everything is on me, all the plans, groceries, restaurants etc is on me

[Billlewis]

I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well if that's alright. Thank you very much.

[Summeroflove]

Neither one of you is entitled to the other persons money. You can say…. No. Maybe he is using you and it happens a LOT. Women get used for money too especially people who have a good heart and genuinely want to help someone.

Sometimes you have to know when to leave somebody. Especially when you cannot communicate your feelings and bitterness builds inside. Don’t become the monster (s) that have hurt you. I don’t know what to tell you. It seems that you have tried loving certain people who used that to their advantage.

[Lilibet]

You see now we live together and he pays for most of the things, still bills and rent we pay half and half. About that time he said after while that he was in financial trouble and was ashamed and all. Now he even pays for my shit, like shoes or clothes, not all the time but sometimes, and he doesn’t have too. So it’s like he has now better job so he started to providing Joe

[Summeroflove]

Well that’s great but I just feel based off other things you have said. I’m glad you’re not married yet because that would be a lot harder or have children together.

A relationship isn’t all about money. Okay…. He is buying you stuff. That doesn’t equal love some people try to buy someone’s love. If he is doing that then he deserves to find someone who uses him for money the way he did you. It’s great if you helped him out because you love him and he does stuff because he loves you. But trying to buy someone’s love is another story.

What if you both got married and lost everything? Would you both stay with one another? Or would one of you leave as fast as you can get out?

[Lilibet]

It’s not like he’s buying me things, but sometimes, when I like something he does, but it’s not like all the time and I do not expect him to do so. My point was that he used to use my money cuz he didn’t have his, and I just thought his cheap etc, but since his back to work, most of the time he pays for the groceries, sometimes he buys me sometimething small, rent and bills we pay 50/50, so this situation changed, but it was kinda overwhelming at the beging

[Staximus]

Don't date or support bums

[Anonymous]

Does he work?

[Lilibet]

He does, but he had many expenses lately, but he works and I wonder why he doesn’t have any money saved. I spend a lot for lots of shit, but he has nothing