Why am I afraid of older men or same age, now that I’m in my 20’s?

[Insanebows]

Now that I’m in my 20’s. I’ve noticed that, I’m developing a fear of men. Especially when thinking about the future, and building a healthy relationship with someone freaks me out. I have an idea of why but just want to get another opinion.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's an interesting situation. A few thoughts on why you might be feeling afraid of older or same-age guys now:

- Pressure - Now that you're older, there's more expectation to be in a serious relationship leading somewhere. That level of commitment can feel intimidating.

- Control - When you were younger, you sort of let your parents/guardians handle things. Now it's all on you, and that newfound independence and responsibility can make relationships seem scary.

- Experience - Older guys will have more dating/life experience than you. They may expect you to be at the same level, which is intimidating if you're still figuring things out.

- Past trauma - Did something happen in past relationships, even just from seeing friends' relationships fall apart, that makes the idea of being vulnerable again feel risky?

- Independence - You're used to just doing your thing now without having to consider anyone else. Sharing that freedom can seem limiting.

I'd say those fears are pretty normal as you transition to this new phase of life. My advice would be to take things slowly, focus on just having fun hanging out with guys for now without pressure for more, and be really picky about who you give your time/energy to so you feel in control. The right person won't make you feel afraid - they'll put you at ease. You've got this!

[Insanebows]

Thank you, this was really helpful. 😊👍🏻

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re very welcome

[Anonymous]

Ok so what’s your opinion on why you think this is happening?

[Insanebows]

Some of the things that were mentioned in the comments and some other things.

[Opinion Owner]

The only thing I really read was you had some bad experiences w your dad. May I ask what happened?

[Insanebows]

Verbally abusive and just some bad experiences in the past with guys too.

[Opinion Owner]

Sexually?

[Insanebows]

Sorry, I don’t want to discuss this publicly but take a guess.

[Anonymous]

Did you have a bad experience with an older man?

[Insanebows]

Yeah, my dad. 🫤🫣

[Opinion Owner]

Oh man, I am sorry to hear that. But I think that's the reason why you are afraid of older men.

[Insanebows]

Thank you. Yeah, it’s definitely one of the main reasons.

[Opinion Owner]

You're very welcome.