What did you learn from your last relationship?

Question

What are some of the things you took away from your experience in your last relationship?  Lessons learned, how to be better, tips for the future. What not to do.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

I learned about how much more I can be... and how much more other people can be as well, my last relationship was not only an amazing one but also a "unique" one for me, based on how my previous relationships had been up to that point

I've only had four girlfriends before, since age 16... and each lasted a few years, with some months in between, this meaning I don't really date a lot since I've usually been with someone already in my life, lol... and I usually had some time to get to know a girl well enough before I ever went out with her or before "we dated"

things were and went a bit different with her... first of all, because the very moment she saw me and heard me, she thought "I like him" and the very moment she got closer to get a sense of how I was around other people, she thought "I want him" and... she actually did approach me like that, as soon as I was done chatting with a girl in that party/reunion she comes and asks "was that your girlfriend?" and as soon as I said "nope..." she right away said "well, now you're mine"

and every, single, time, before... that someone had approached me like that or just say "let's do/be something" I always said, no thanks... not my style, I don't even know you... lol, in a much more tactful way, of course... not so bluntly but still direct. However, I felt differently about her, I could sense something about her, and I knew this about me already, I know I have experience to be able to "feel" people and to get a good sense of how they can be or how they are I just had never done it before, and so this time it was different for me, I could tell by her confidence and few other things that are not easy to explain "you just know" that she was very genuine about what she said to me, and she wasn't just trying to mess around

I walked right behind her to a more quiet area within the party, something that I had never ever done before... lol, and we spent hours upon hours talking and having a good, great time on our own

So... to keep it shorter, what did I actually learn? lmao...

I learned that just because me and her got to know each other really and very quick (matter of hours and days, well spent ones and not days to entire weeks) that doesn't mean we rushed things, and we didn't just took big risks, we were both smarter and genuine about it, and more than anything caring about one another, so we opened up completely and we felt that trust in one another was just right (we were not wrong about that)

I learned first hand, and I said I learned first hand because I "already knew" and I never had anything against it so I did learn that being in a relationship with someone that's bisexual it's really not so different than other relationships, it's not like I ever believed any of the negative shit that some stupid people have to say about this but, it is true that just like any other relationships and just like any other people who are different than me in one or more aspects, well... you never really know till you actually experience it yourself, so in this case... I did learn a whole lot from her and just how wonderful she was because of the many things about her and who she is and not just "a bisexual sexy girl" which was one thing that got in the way in her previous relationship

I also learned a whole lot more about opening myself to someone, trusting someone and getting in tune with someone, in synch... we were a great match in few key ways, but the one that definitely made a difference was our sexual affinity and our willingness to make the most of it... taking things to a definitive new level, and for me to find out much more about myself with it, with her that is... things I had never tried before, things that I had never considered before, even a couple of things in which I changed my mind or better reconsidered my approach to a few things that I had not actually thought through because I had not had the actual chance before... basically I rediscovered myself in new ways, with her and because of her... needless to say how fucking amazing this was, lol

there's a few things more I could mention and speak about but it's gotten way too long now, I don't want go all day about it but yeah, basically learned and confirmed that I really don't know how amazing great people can be till I actually give them and give things and also myself a chance to try new and different things, to explore... and to do it the better way is one of the best experiences in this life.

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

I learned that I can’t deal with jealousy from a partner. You have to trust me or don’t. I can’t play this whole “who were you with?”, “who’s that girl’s voice in the background I can hear?”, etc. I went off to college and she legit expected me to only have male friends, don’t even converse with women, and don’t party even a little bit. Scheduled or surprise phone calls at inconvenient times to make sure I was in my dorm room. And she had had such a bad childhood and was so emotionally fragile that I wouldn’t put my foot down.

So, now, unless I’ve ever given you reason to behave otherwise, I expect unwavering trust. I do alright with ladies, I don’t need to be here, I WANT to be here. I can’t be on any of this “where are you?, “who are you with?”, running through my phone, none of that. I’m not doing any dirt, and I value my privacy and retaining my autonomy, and not being just half of a unit at all times.

And I will always grant her the same. You gotta let the birds fly, humans are way too obsessed with controlling outcomes in their lives. I understand the desire, but that’s just not what life is. Life is chaos, strap on your helmet and buckle up. If she decides some other guy or gal is a better match for her, that sucks for me, but it’s just what it is. Don’t chase ‘em, replace ‘em. I don’t mean that in the dumb player sense, I just mean don’t sacrifice what you’re about just to be what someone else is about. Obviously we’ll make adjustments and compromises in healthy relationships, but at the end of the day, if you can’t be who you are organically and still satisfy what the other person is looking for, then it just isn’t match. You can force it, but you’ll just end up resenting the other person for robbing you of the essence of your own being.

7Phoenix7 · Accepted Answer

Self love is important. I learned that sometimes loving yourself means letting go of someone you deeply care about.

Also, I'm stronger than I thought. I learned that every painful situation is an opportunity to learn something new about myself and about life in general.

Miah04 · Accepted Answer

Be more attentive. I was not really worried about spending time with them, or make them feel important.

Samantha36 · Answer

To listen to my gut. To stand up for myself. Mu last relationship lasted 14 years and was very emotionally abusive. Mentally beat down so I believed I couldn't cope on my own. He controlled all my money. Where I went and what I did. He took out credit cards and loans in my name and gambled it all away. He used me to have children. Once our 2nd was born he went back to his ex who funnily enough can't have kids. He told me I'd serves my purpose! Horrible horrible man.
Now I'm with an amazing man, have my own money and very happy.

Wallythewalrus2 · Answer

That sex is crucial in a healthy relationship. We were compatible in just about every way possible, but sexually speaking, I was unfulfilled. I really beat myself up for ending it solely for that reason, but I realized it just wasn’t going to change. Luckily, I found a woman that’s an angel during the day but a devil at night! 😉

Beckybooboo · Answer

That there is a difference between being “in love” and just “loving” someone. I was definitely in love with him but time and circumstances ended that. Then, I just felt a certain type of love for him and probably always will.

Anonymous · Answer

My last relationship was only a few months. I tried to make it work. But I always had one foot on the door, and she did too. I really liked her, but the fact that she was adamant about not wanting kids, but I did. So yeah stuff like this is a deal breaker. She wanted to protect herself. I didn't have the intention of changing her mind, but i guess I secretly hoped she would.

She went on vacation for a week and left me on read a few times. I got anxiety and felt disrespected. I asked what's wrong and she said she would get back to me. I waited a day and replied and I sounded serious. It almost sounded like an ultimatum. I wasn't trying to ruin her day, let alone vacation. But she broke up with me. Worse over snapchat, because i broke my phone the week before and didn't have her cell phone number (i used an older phone).

So i learned that, and just to be more patient.

Squatting_Slav · Answer

With every relationship I've learnt a lot. All of them were very smart and beautiful. I've learnt that things change, feeling fluctuate, emotions change and that this idea of the 'one' being out there is multiplied on a mass scale. There are so mant incredible women out there.

BUT the biggest thing I've learnt... is to really get to know a girl on another level emotionally to really find out what they're like, additionally to never blame others and always take accountability and act on what's right. I made a mistake with my last, she would become 'possessive' and jealous now I understand it comes from lust and cares but for me it was soul destroying to the point where I just had to go. It was dragging me down. Not her fault, not mine the compatibility was maybe not there mentally despite the sex and fun times.

justabuddy · Answer

I've learned that something's just don't work out and things can fall apart fast. That getting close to a person is not a bad thing. That taking things slow has its benefits. I can stand on my own two feet after a break up even though I was surprised how much this one hurt.

That I enjoy deep throating and blowjobs way more than I should lol.
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loveslongnails · Answer

"If you're lying to yourself, you can't help but lie to others".

And about life, not just relationships:
" Rationalizations are more important than sex; you can go weeks, even months without sex, but you can't go a day without a rationalization".

Flatmanlewis · Answer

That I can only control myself and not others actions.

That you can’t love somebody enough to make them a better person.

How I react to things it far more important than what they did.

That nothing matters more than being honest - most importantly with oneself.

RebelinSteel · Answer

That no matter how much you feel you love each other, how close you feel, somethings can happen that you do not plan for and you can end up breaking apart. Short version shit happens and you must accept at times you cannot do anything to prevent it.

LemonJuicee · Answer

Always say "No" and assert yourself so that you don't let some stupid mf ruin your life for another 3-4 years

I haven't dated since I was 16 because the first and only relationship was so shit it made me too scared to try again 💀

sawno · Answer

Even if everything is perfect and your absolute genuine soul mates, even if there is no reason for it to ever fail and you solve every problem with ease. Even if you'd go trough any length for each other and its a match made in heaven. The breakup can be mere months away and come completely out of nowhere while at the same time being completely unpreventable by both parties.

Still-alive · Answer

When they immediately pressure you to give them a baby within a week of making it official as a relationship... walk away immediately lol.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Don’t stay in the relationship when the only good quality is incredible sex

Bobbysworld · Answer

Seize the moment, try to freeze it and own it Squeeze it and hold it ‘cause we consider these minutes golden

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

My previous relationship reminded me not to trust everything someone says

TaureanBull81 · Answer

To look out for signs whether a potential partner has issues with alcohol, isn't loud, obnoxious or a narcissist etc.

Zestyassmf1997 · Answer

I gotta be more firm because otherwise I’ll be trapped in shitty relationships and I’ll just end up cheating.

MrCharlie13 · Answer

1) Never give second chances. 2) pay attention to the red flags. 3) No matter how much you want to pamper your partner nad be considerate, sometimes you have to put your foot down

bowenw · Answer

Don't ignore red flags. What you see is what you get.

Redstang88 · Answer

Learned how deeply you can love someone, and fucking little it matters

Wiredone · Answer

It's been so long since I left and relationship.

krin_m · Answer

Jealousy has no place in a healthy relationship because that is equivalent lack of trust!

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

Don't ignore red flags just because she's hot lol

abc3643 · Answer

NEVER HAVE A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN.

Coden7 · Answer

Can’t keep safe what wants to break.

Slim57 · Answer

Don't ever date a distant person, they're most likely cheating

nik0102 · Answer

Sharing too much information can backfire

TallAnon · Answer

"Kinda relationship" - Distance sucks

Enginn · Answer

That girls can love me

Liketotry · Answer

I learned about true love

Anonymous · Answer

Anal hurts sometimes

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