Do opposite or similar personalities attract each other more?

Question

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Accepted Answer

I used to think my wife and I were opposites. My friends did too. At first glance when we met at our picnic, we couldn't look more unalike.

I was dressed in t-shirt and shorts and flip-flops chugging beers (I held the record among my friends for being the fastest beer chugger; could empty a whole can in seconds) and laughing louder and harder than everyone like a caveman; I brought beer and potato chips to the picnic. I was into nightclubs and thrash metal.

My wife was dressed in an elegant dress (rather overdressed for a picnic in my opinion back then) and brought fancy wine and cheese and was the most gentle-spoken person at the picnic with a calm and soothing voice. She was into opera and classical music.

Yet actually we were extremely similar in personality. For example, if we put any stock into MBTI/Jung, I'm ENFP and she's INFP. We only differ a lot in that I'm an extreme extrovert and she's an extreme introvert. Otherwise we're both the same and deeply focused on empathy with the way we communicate.

I can keep going but on the most important points to a relationship, we actually had more in common than any other ex-girlfriend I ever had. Also there was enough similar in terms of the roots of our seemingly radically different interests that we started to assimilate each other's interests. I started to like opera and she started to like thrash metal. Actually opera and metal don't seem that different to me now. I can keep going with more examples but it's like that.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

No. People like to think they're attracted more to the opposites. But the only thing they're attracted to that's opposite from themselves is when it comes to things like man and woman, stronger and weaker, taller and shorter, bigger and smaller, masculine and feminine, extroverted and introverted, dominant and submissive, etc.

Yes having some differences can make for a little interest and taking someone out of their comfort zone, but for the most part, people are attracted to similarities in terms of: interests, views, way of thinking, goal in life (where you want to be 10-20 years from now), sense of humor, style of communication, love languages, sexual compatibility, etc.

Imagine a relationship where you're interested in the same things so you can do activities together and go places that you're both into easily. Or having the same views on practically everything so you never have a conflict and are happy making choices together, especially when it comes to kids. Or both envisioning and working towards the same destination in life. Or finding the same things funny and making each other laugh with every joke. And having the same way you communicate, whether it's through physical touch, the amount of space you need sometimes, how you verbalize, etc. And when it comes to sex, imagine having all the same kinks and desires (ex. Guy wants to dominate and tie you up and you're on board with that).

It's a nice vision for a relationship, isn't it?

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

It really depends. Some people prefer to date someone who has a similar personality to them other prefer to date someone who's the opposite of them. Me and my husband are the opposite but we have so many things in common and like a lot of the same things and have similar values and boundaries in life.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

I think similar personalities are much better. Since you should understand each other and why you do the things you do if you have more in common.

Anonymous · Answer

The old saying is “opposites attract” but I don’t think that’s always healthy for long term relationships at all.

There is something seductive and interesting meeting someone who doesn’t think or act like you. They also challenge you to think differently which makes you a more emotionally intelligent individual. For example back when the world was sane I dated a girl who was moderate liberal and I’m a moderate conservative. She challenged me on some my viewpoints and vice versa. That doesn’t mean we always agreed but we did offer different perspectives on things.

However the issue with opposites is that problems arise when you expect them to react and judge situations the same way you would and they don’t. Or even worse you expect them to handle conflict better than you do but they handle it in a different yet even worse way.

That can lead to a breakdowns in relationships. You will never be able to read someones mind but you can usually predict their actions and reactions if you understand their personality. And who is easier to understand than someone who thinks similar to yourself?

The deepest love I ever had for a woman was for one who (at least I thought) really understood me. She was the first to say “you and I think a like”. Her observation not mine.

But the very tragic twist was she didn’t like who she was and wanted to “change”. And she changed alright into something unrecognizable from the person I once knew and loved very deeply. And not for the better. The pain she caused me also made me change and not for the better either. I became exponentially more cynical and callous after what happened. Deep cuts leave scar tissue.

NathanDavis · Answer

it really hasn't made a difference to me...

also... whenever I felt like someone else and I had very similar personalities or quite the opposite in personality... once I got to know them better I did realize that we either had a few or a key difference, or we had a few or a key similarity|

I do think that attraction is more about the affinity in the dynamics of personalities... rather than their similarities or lack of it

Anonymous · Answer

It depends and I think it’s both. For some people and thinfs. Being the opposite can be good. Having someone more introverted and the other extroverted can help in making friends and doing things.

but politically and religiously. I think people need to be pretty similar to one another

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Similar. Opposite personalities either actively avoid eachother, drift apart, or fight.

abc3643 · Answer

Ask Mr. Mackey and Miss Conduct...

Drew-1990 · Answer

I think both are possible. My two best friends, one married a woman very similar and the other married one that is the opposite. They are both in happy marriages

IslaTheWitch · Answer

some things must be compatible to make the relationship work... some must be different to spice it up...

Nikki1989 · Answer

Similar personalities but more importantly similar interests. You have to connect on some level.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I prefer similar. Dating an opposite and good lawd the struggle is real at times

bobalife · Answer

Some, yes. Some, no lol. I am an ambivert. So, I can go both ways in the best world.

RavenBear0 · Answer

Tbh I'd say opposite personalities with common interests is the best combination

WhitneySnow · Answer

Similar, but sometimes it works for opposites too

Jennz6 · Answer

I have heard that opposite attracts but I’m not sure if it’s true

OtterMan68 · Answer

similar. Opposites attract is a myth; it can happen, but usually does not

Anonymous · Answer

Personalities can be similar or different, but values should be similar.

serious · Answer

Similar of course and without doubt.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

Hell no 😈😈👀😋 is my view

Minahh · Answer

They may attract but are they compatible?

Kristierose · Answer

Opposite is my answer

Slim57 · Answer

Seems like opposite for me

laly520 · Answer

not all the time

dudeinohio · Answer

Similar

Anonymous · Answer

I think both can.

Do opposite or similar personalities attract each other more?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do opposite or similar personalities attract each other more?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.