Is having a “work wife or work husband” cheating and how to deal when they resign?

[Anonymous]

I unexpectedly developed a deep bond with a female coworker over the last 4-5 years. Didn’t plan on and didn’t know how close we’d become. Often times she brightens up my day. She doesn’t know I consider her my work wife I don’t think but we definitely get along and trust each other. Things she’s knows about me and I know about her that are definitely not for others to hear. It’s nice to have that bond

we’re both married so the fact that she resigned makes it especially sad since working together is really the only way that we can be in each others lives. So I would consider this a permanent goodbye. SUCKS.. but it is what it is I guess

Has anyone experienced anything similar.. sort of dreading heading back to the office without her

[OlderAndWiser]

Your title question is "is this cheating?" forget the label "cheating," because people want to play word games about it's not cheating if you only have oral sex or othersuch nonsense. The real question is: did you ever say or do anything with this other woman that you would not have done if your wife had been present?

[Asker]

I always thought as long as we don’t have sex or oral. Flirty and any kind of sexual talk I figured harmless fun. But after reading it this way.. this makes much more sense.

Accepting this way you’ve mentioned as the universal standard.. do you think most people at one point or another in their marriage have indulged in this satisfying behaviour?

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't know about other people because most of them would not admit to having done this. I have certainly seen a few married people flirting in the workplace. I have never done this. I talk to females in my office but nor flirtatiously. I never invite them to go out to lunch with me or out for a drink after work. The best way to deal with temptation is to avoid it.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I have friendships with people I no longer work with (Male and female) We constantly keep in touch. I don't see any reason why you can't still remain close. The only thing you MUST both do though is tell your respective partners, and be up front about it!

[Asker]

Thanks mate. Yeah losing the working together thing sort of ruins most of it but maybe.. probably would lose a lot of the relatable material now

[TommyMountainFigure]

You're welcome, and thank you for selecting my answer as most helpful. I get that you will lose a lot of the closeness you shared, but hey, there is no reason you can't go out for a drink or dinner every few weeks. Like I said though. It really is all about keeping your partners in the know, so they know you've got nothing to hide.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is determined based on what you were sharing with each other. It seems it could be a sort of an emotional affair. If attraction is involved that only amplifies this all. It’s hard. And I get it. Did she mention keeping in touch after leaving? Or do you see this as more of something than she does/did?

[Asker]

You’re right I would say an emotional affair maybe.. we had an opportunity to get physical and we both were able to acknowledge that we would if we didn’t have families. Neither of us want to cheat on our spouses so it was more of a fun flirty attention thing we had ongoing but being on the same page about never going further was comforting.

In terms of keeping in touch after leaving.. she has a few days left so still a chance although if that were to come up from her I plan on saying it would have to be double dates that includes our own actual partners. I’m open to just a friendly connection so no issues including the spouses for some night outs. But in all reality cutting off all contact is what I really expect.. I understand this is life.. just going to miss our connection and need to vent

[Opinion Owner]

Oh the tension! Wow. Sorry you will miss her but I guess you could stay in touch by email or text but maybe that’s too far? Or you will just have to say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

I feel confident you are the one who was making posts for this coworker to see and took notice of her stopping the interactions. You’re married, why does this woman matter still? She’s not even at the job and here you are months later. I don't know how you don’t find this inappropriate.

[Asker]

.. sorry no. I’m rarely on the website. Unrelated to whatever you are referring to.

Never stopped interactions with each other at any point. Always had a good relationship. It is now coming to an end I accept that. More so just seeing if anyone could relate

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the tale of the work spouse - a blend of camaraderie and complexity! Let's untangle this together. Firstly, whether it's cheating or not really depends on the nature of your bond and the boundaries you've set within your respective marriages. If it's purely platonic and your spouses are in the loop, then it's more about companionship than crossing lines. But emotions can be tricky, can't they?

Now, dealing with the resignation blues, that's a heartache, isn't it? It sounds like she's become an integral part of your work life, adding sparkle to your daily grind. It might feel like you're saying goodbye to more than just a colleague, but remember, goodbyes in the workplace don't have to mean forever. Who says you can't keep in touch outside of those office walls? Maybe suggest grabbing a coffee or a meal occasionally to catch up. Keep it light, respectful, and within the comfort zones of your marriages.

Navigating post-work-wife life in the office will be an adjustment, but it also opens doors to new connections. Don't shield yourself from forming other meaningful workplace bonds. This could be an opportunity to rediscover aspects of your job and colleagues you hadn't appreciated before.

Caught in the wistful waves of workplace farewells or curious about striking that perfect work-friendship balance? Dive into the conversation; I'm all ears and here to keep things lively! 😏🌟

[IslaTheWitch]

It clearly shows that something is missing in your marriage. I would focus on solving this problem, as it would prevent similar situations in the future

[Asker]

Really? I sure hope not I’m very happy. I just always crave new bonds with others for some reason especially of the opposite sex. Might be more of an insecurity or validation thing. Or maybe I just really like the idea of having fun and going out with someone other than my wife because it has that fresh feeling.. I’m not sure I definitely am a flawed person lol

[minzgeprahl]

If you do things with her you wouldn’t want your wife to know then it’s cheating. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have that deep bond with her if she was overweight and unattractive. Be honest, if she offered you sex on a business trip wouldn’t say no and maybe you would even leave your wife for her if you weren’t tied to her due to financial reasons and your kids.

[Asker]

You’re right about the attractive part.. that is probably the reason why the bond formed the way it did. Sex on a business trip.. was faced together with the chance and we both stayed disciplined and drew a line at just flirty talk and maybe so flirty touches in public.. arm holding.. any reason to basically tap each others arm or hug or whatever.

Would never leave my wife not would she leave her husband. It was in my eyes and I think hers too.. just innocent fun. It feels good getting attention from someone attractive it’s an easy thing to get caught up in.

Anyways it’s done now.. I respect the hell out of her as a person. Going to wish her the best and cut ties

[minzgeprahl]

Do you think she is more attractive than your wife?

[Asker]

No I do not think that. She is fun to party with and let loose with. Just enjoyed her company. I see why someone would doubt the integrity of people in this day and age.. but I truly value my family at home. I just have that internal desire for attention and flirty convos with others.. not sure why but I’ve always been that way. It makes me feel good

[Daniela1982]

Well, there is no use bothering answering it with Bad Brad hogging all the opinions. We may as well not be here either and just let all the AI bots talk to each other. Thank God they can't experience sex, so maybe we can just talk about dicks and pussies as they have no clue - at least we hope. 😯

What Brad looks like out of his human costume.

[ProbablyClueless]

Maybe not "cheating" cheating, but it certainly doesn't look good. You shouldn't be forming bonds like that with anyone who isn't your spouse.

[Asker]

I’ve thought about it a lot over the last 24 hours. Drastic change really makes you take a step back and asses things. You’re right, I see now that I’m a hypocrite. I would be very upset if my girl did this.. in the moment it felt innocent and harmless but it’s a lot more clear to me now

[KrakenAttackin]

I think it's dangerous to allow yourself to fall into this situation. It may not be "cheating" but it's heading down that alley.

[Asker]

It maybe could’ve but all contact is about to be cut off so I think it’ll just have to be happy for the times shared together over the years and be a little more disciplined going forward with anyone else

[Wetdreamz]

why do I still see this "Love Doctors" comments even after I've blocked his dumb ass?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats called having friends, and yes losing friends usually sucks.

[jahaims]

If you did or said things you wouldn't do in front of your partner then it's cheating

[OtterMan68]

no, it's not cheating if it's not romantic, physical, or sexual