Who do you consider to be figures of positive masculinity?

[MzAsh]

In my coaching work, I ask women to shout out pop culture icons they’d love their future husband to mirror. It’s a fun way to talk about role models and positive masculinity without getting too heavy.

So who’s on your list?

Names my clients often mention: Keanu Reeves, Dwayne Johnson, LeBron James

[MrOracle]

There are relatively few "celebrity" figures of positive masculinity, because the media has intentionally suppressed such depictions since at least the 1980s. In every movie or TV show, if there is a married couple, the husband is depicted as dumb, lazy, and immoral, and needs the smart, moral wife to save him from himself. This isn't real life, but it is how they want women to see men (they largely don't care what men think or want).

And, over the last 6 or 7 years, we've seen that taken to the logical extreme - movies full of gender-swapped "girl-bosses" that bomb and bomb again, because even if they won't admit it, not even women want to see that.

There are YouTube videos where writers have talked about scenes where they've written positive masculine depictions, and they are either forced to change them, they find out that someone else has re-written it making the men weak and pathetic, or they get outright fired.

To find depictions of positive masculinity, you have to look to older media - back before feminism took over. Whether it's George Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life, or Michael Landon in Little House On The Prairie, you have to look at shows from the past where a man is leading his family. That's just not allowed anymore, and not for a very long time.

[MzAsh]

Charles Ingalls is hands down one of the best fictional role model tv dads/husbands in history.

[MrOracle]

And he was based on a real person - the real Laura Ingalls Wilder's real dad.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Marcus Aurelius is my ultimate.

Maximus as well to some extent in Gladiator:

He's vengeful (understandably) but a very ethical leader of a man despite his faults and was so devoted to his family.

Also Mr. Miyagi in Karate Kid. He lost his wife and child in the war but such a good and ethical man.

[Rosexøxø]

ONG MAXIMUS I FORGOT ABOUT HIM. I didn't know we could do characters?

I love him omg I wish he was my friend for real. That’s some high loyalty for sure.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@Rosexøxø He actually embodies a lot of the virtues that Marcus Aurelius (the real one) focused as well as quoting him in the film. Like this:


It often attributed to the movie but it's a Marcus Aurelius quote:


Most of all, I always loved how much he remained devoted to his family even after he lost them, looking forward to seeing them in an afterlife if one exists.

Also a complete badass! I don't think a man practically needs to be a complete badass like that but I think he could be a popular example for young guys especially who think a devoted family man has to be some pushover type.

[Rosexøxø]

😭 you're SO RIGHT I WILL SHOW MY NEPHEW THIS HOLD ON IM CRHIN

[Rosexøxø]

Also I will check on this Aurelius but I just swoon for Russel Crowe’s Maximus

He’s more of a symbol of my heart from my youth. I would also die for any of my friends and family, and literally practiced this in every day life from literally everything. Being a barrier between them and danger. The character and the man who played this out is just supreme. Never seen another character or actor play/ portray one so well as he.

Not even any of his other roles really did much for me. He acted superbly in Les miserables but of course his character wasn’t all that admirable. Hardly at all.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@Rosexøxø I think he epitomizes a near ideal leader. Even when stripped of all his possessions and reduced to a slave, they can't take away the essence of the character and he rises more powerful than an emperor despite being a slave. It's an interesting execution of the idea as I see it that we can take everything from a person except who they are. And Crowe was absolutely amazing in that role!

Something interesting about Stoicism is that two of the key Roman figures who advocated it were Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus. The funny thing is that the former was an emperor and the latter a slave.

This is a really interesting lecture on the nature of Marcus Aurelius if you ever have the time. He truly is one of the most remarkable figures in history from my perspective.
https://youtu.be/Auuk1y4DRgk

[wiltingrosepetal]

The guys from Avatar The Last Airbender.

Sokka - changes his misogynistic beliefs. Learns to be a warrior and a leader, despite his inborn handicaps.
Iroh - teaches others how to be strong while showing respect. Takes time with people, talks things through before punching.
Aang - shows the benefits of pacifism. Lets his emotions out but learns how to control them so no one gets hurt.
Zuko - just his entire character arc.

On the flipside, the girls are positive representations of femininity. They're strong and intelligent fighters while embracing their motherly, emotional sides. Just all around great, healthy role models for kids 👍

[lil_will_12]

yes! best show💯

i heard they were going to take away sokkas misogyny in the live action netflix version, and i thought that was just dumb, like thats basically taking away a huge part in his character development. i haven't watched the whole neftlix series though yet

[wiltingrosepetal]

Sokka in the live action was a fully formed character, not gonna lie. He was acting as responsible, intelligent and strong as he did in season 3 of the show. It makes sense that they took away his misogyny since they kinda took away his character arc 😅

But I'm not complaining. The creators had huge screen time restraints and they had to make cutbacks, that's the issue with working with Netflix 🙃

[Rosexøxø]

Barack Obama.

Billy Graham.

John F Kennedy.

Malcom X

Elon Musk

Dwayne The Rock Johnson

Ryan Reynolds

Jack Black

Kevin Hart

Will Ferrell

Steve Carell

Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Kimmel

Tobey McGuire

Tom Holland

[Rosexøxø]

I can’t think of anyone else but I like this list.

Also could’ve put in alphabetical but it’s alright.

I got the two main T’s together and the two main J’s together.

Oh I can add Robin Williams

Mister Rogers/ Rodgers? Or Roger or Rodger

Adam Sandler

Jackie Chan

I think that’s about it.

[Rosexøxø]

You can see some common themes with these

[Rosexøxø]

I’d marry Barack / Dwayne/ Elon / Ryan / maybe Kevin maybe will Jimmy Fallon/ maybe Jimmy k/ maybe Tom.

For Barack not someone looking like him possibly but the demeanor and personality. I could try but he’s also older and I don't know the head shape isn’t my cat’s meow. Dwayne is like Barack but better I mean he’s literally self made/ fit/ motivated/ wise/mature/ and compassionate or at least thoughtful of others and HE like me- values respect hardcore and he’s simply absent of insecurity and absent of financial debt lol.

Dude is bald and got it goin on. Even in his age. He’s motivational because he motivated himself. It’s his mindset 🤷‍♀️ he came from nothing. Had to deal with his bad behavior a bit. Had to handle losses of things he wanted, and literally turned it all to positivity. That lady is a lucky mama! She ain’t even everything everything lol but I’m happy for her.

He’s not perfect I can clearly see exactly where (from respectably observational and fan-like/ life-long learner view), but he’s still very admirable and dashing. 🤷‍♀️

Makes a woman feel safe. Heard. Seen. Respected. He doesn’t threaten her or put her down. Never competes 🤷‍♀️ I mean he knows how to converse and he knows how to balance his him time and self care too. I’m glad he made it because society and economy is so hard. He’s a true underdog. His parents weren’t everything and certainly didn’t give him everything. :\\

[Rosexøxø]

INDIANA JONES YES he's SECOND TO DWAYNE FOR ME

I WOULD MELT JESUS! Lol

[ShadezMcgee]

I will list fictional and real individuals.

Tom Brady. Vince Lombardi. Aragorn (Lord of the Rings). Keanu Reeves. Shawn Ryan. James Bond. Zack Fair (Final Fantasy 7). Marcus Aurelius. Musashi Miyamoto. Qui Gon Jinn (Star Wars). George Bailey (It's a Wonderful Life).

I know there are others I am forgetting, but this was off the top of my head.

In all honesty to go off of @MrOracle with the examples from literature and fiction being dissected on YouTube is another goldmine of examples you can find positive roles of masculinity.

[Rosexøxø]

BAILEY YESSS

James Bond? Yeah I think so too. He’s a bit abrasive on the surface but still a healthy male and not exactly cruel. I like that guy. He’s handsome too.

[DJB72]

Keanu definitely...

Jordan Peterson
John Cena
Ryan Reynolds
Anthony Hopkins
Paul Newman
Sylvester Stallone
Arnold Schwarzenegger

This isn't an exhaustive list and they're not angels. What they have in common is they own the mistakes they've made and try not to repeat them. That's healthy masculine behaviour.

[Rosexøxø]

Well said, well compiled, and well summarized!

I agree with Ryan. I second that one.
I do admire Arnold. Don’t know too well of him though.

The rest as well and wouldn’t marry them for looks or so. Can’t speak for character. Not too fond of Sylvester like you said they’re not angels but as long as they try and do acknowledge I can respect that and either way respect your view on them.

[DJB72]

Sly has acknowledged the relationship mistakes he's made in the past and what I've seen of him interacting with his girls and his wife seems like a decent guy.

Tony Hopkins and Paul Newman are very old school. Married over 40 years and always treated cast and crew well.

[turnpost]

Lebron James dribbles a ball? what opinion does he have lol "YEAH I DRIBBLE ALL DAY, I want to become president lol "

Dwayne Johnson is just a Steroid nutcase. He built a good job for himself but like I wouldn't think he would be a good role model. His body isn't "real" he has been on steroids for a verrrry longg time now.

Keanu Reeves is on point. George Clooney. Brad Pitt in terms of how he protrays himself in some of his movies, like there is a humble silentness to it but rebellionish to it "its somethin lol ". RDJ for sure.

[turnpost]

Roseexe list is pretty good.

[AaronKrieger]

Iroh from Avatar 😂

In the real world, no one is perfect, so you have to filter out parts about them. For example:

Kobe - He worked very hard, but cheated on his wife and was obsessive
Depp - Being generous and humble to where even an ex stands up for you in court. However, he is an addict too.

These people have made mistakes, but you can take aspects you like about them as inspiration.

[joesheks]

@AaronKrieger maybe it’s time we as men stop looking up to celebrities for any inspiration -/ there are many men in the real world who much better role models

[AaronKrieger]

@joesheks It's fine to look up to celebrities for inspiration, but if you have a good role model you know like a good father, then that's always going to better. However, not everyone has that either.

[joesheks]

@AaronKrieger but a celebrity is an image — something not real. Maybe not everyone has a father role model but maybe an uncle or grandfather or big brother or someone in their local town who is remarkable. Looking up to false prophets will lead us astray and leave us disappointed

[AaronKrieger]

Re-read what I said originally about how these celebrities are not perfect and how you have to choose what specifically to take inspiration from. I also gave examples, too.

There is no one answer, and everyone is going to have a different interpretation of what a "false prophet" is.

[Flatmanlewis]

Harry Bosch, most of the characters played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or Tom Hanks. In real life these male role models are suppressed or downright mocked. I had occasion to deal with Mike Huckabee and was absolutely floored with his humility, morality, and integrity. Sadly, I can’t give specifics due to NDAs but he’s the real deal.

[Rosexøxø]

That’s so sad 😞 Tom hanks yes!

[Flatmanlewis]

It’s sad how Hollywood itself is packed full of people who decry ‘toxic masculinity’ then crank out trash entertainment with few positive male role models.

I’d add Chris Pratt and John Krasinski’s characters. I love me some Keanu Reeves but I don’t think John Wick is a ideal metric for a male, although you could sure make an argument that he is.

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah it’s hard to find the genuinely good-meaning ones. Everyone in Hollywood is nearly a critic or a soul seller and finding their voice over the crowd or agents and those who get overwhelmed and impulsively indulge in the wrong activities. Positive celebrities should really get more credit, and on the same note I also wish they’d try to be a help to their fellow neighbors (of their incrowds) out when they notice them kind of slipping.

Like a few who gave into (I apologize for the tough topic) ending their life prematurely? Those celebs had people around them, and part me always kind of wondered why they never tried to help them out or recommend some therapy somehow. I don't know.

I suppose I may make a question on this now that you made me think of it. 🤔

But I agree with what you said 100% through and through. 💯

[NathanDavis]

Lebron is an awful pick in my opinion...

he's one to quit if he doesn't benefit... and also one to blame others before taking responsibility

a quitter is not a positive figure... certainly not in sports

[spartan55]

At first glance I thought you said Lebron is an awful prick...😂 😂 😂 😂

[NathanDavis]

@spartan55 would be accurate as well... but I am not making it personal, lol

[NathanDavis]

but, for someone to prefer money over team, fans and teammates... that many times

that's a prick move indeed

[spartan55]

@NathanDavis
I agree, and think he is a jackass in other ways too. Jordan will always be the GOAT to me.

[Lionman95]

I'd go for Keanu Reeves, Denzel Washington, Rowan Atkinson, Shaq O'Neal, Benedict Cumberbatch.
The other guys are more controversial.

[Rosexøxø]

Shaq and Benedict yes!!!

[AmyHew1tt]

I mean, they're not real, but basically every man in Lord of the Rings. ✨Aragorn,✨ Faramir, Legolas, Sam, Gandalf, etc.

[Flatmanlewis]

What an excellent observation!!

[Joshydavid25]

Jesus, Bass Reeves (The "Black" Cowboy"), Goku, Superman, Keanu Reeves, and Denzel.

[Nikki1989]

Jimi

[JHAYES317]

Henry Cavill, Keanu Reeves, and Jack Black come to mind

[ChefPapiChulo]

Lebron James is known to cheat on his wife. You don't know man! Stop talking about masculinity as its some inherently evil thing.

[MzAsh]

I don’t think masculinity is evil. I’m here trying to talk about men who are good role models.

[ChefPapiChulo]

Cheating on your wife is a good role model?

[MzAsh]

I personally don’t know LeBron James history. He’s not someone I follow. But assuming that’s true then no that’s not what a good role model does.

[Phoenix98]

They're not individuals most people would know.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. And I’m actually serious by the way.

Lebron James is extremely unintelligent by the way.

[MzAsh]

I respect Peterson as a psychologist. I’m glad he was able to cool it with the social media hissyfits.

[getwiththepg]

What makes LeBron extremely unintelligent

[WhiteBoyChill]

@getwiththepg Preaching identity politics kind of thing

[Minahh]

Lmao 🤣🤣🤣

[joesheks]

@getwiththepg listening to LeBron talk makes it clear he is a below average IQ individual - his SAT score of 870 just confirms it

[XHopelessRomanticX]

My dad :)

[laly520]

lebron James? he is awful n cheater

[JHAYES317]

How is he a cheater…

[Cazaputas]

Jude Bellingham.

[desperatelyhungry]

Mr Roger’s 💀

[chris_987]

Kinda wild that girls can't come up with real life males that there attracted too.

[Rosexøxø]

OMG SAMEEE

[Minahh]

Harry styles, Ryan gosling

[andreasderjuengere]

On my list is: me :)

[Tstrbrainer]

James Bond🔫🍸👙

[Flatmanlewis]

Love me some 007.

[Rosexøxø]

Oh my lord! He’s not bad at all! Omg I forget INDIANA JONES 😭

[Flatmanlewis]

Good call Rosexøxø!

[Rosexøxø]

@Flatmanlewis many thanks! ☝️😁👍